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Bachelor in Paradise's Love Triangle Is the Mess We Need

Hannah is caught between Blake and Dylan

liam-mathews
Liam Mathews
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Bachelor in ParadiseWeek 2 started with the leftover conclusion to Week 1, finally getting to the first rose ceremony of the season. Derek gave his rose to Demi, Clay gave his rose to Nicole, Wills gave his rose to Katie, Kevin gave his rose to Sydney, JPJ gave his rose to Onyeka, and Cam gave his rose to Caelynn ("I'm over all the Blake drama"). In the Dylan-Blake-Hannah triangle, Dylan went first, so Hannah got his rose. Blake had to give his to Tayshia. Wow, what a disappointment (that's sarcasm). Tayshia is no back-up plan. Chris went last and gave his rose to Kristina, which surprised everyone, since they all thought he would give his rose to Annaliese. She, Jane, and Bibiana were eliminated.

The next day, the love triangle started to get more complicated, as Blake decided to put all his attention on winning Hannah over, but the momentum seemed to be with Dylan.

Then Jordan showed up. Jordan got engaged to Jenna last season, a relationship that blew up in spectacular fashion. But he's over that, and ready to take a hot girl on a date. "Someone's gonna be calling me daddy by the end of this," he crowed. He was complimenting all the guys' hair, and the girls were kinda surprised by how handsome he is in person. He pulled Hannah aside, and they complimented each others' eye. They're both models! "It's like a Barbie & Ken deal," he said. Then he pulled Nicole. She filled him in on how Blake is the Casanova of Paradise. Jordan was shocked! This is not the Blake he knew from Becca's season! "He's putting his spoon in all the pudding!" Jordan quipped. Jordan was being funny and cocky. He felt like Paradise was already a mess and all bets were off, so he decided to ask Hannah on a date. Jordan's like the dang Joker of Paradise! He's an engine of chaos!

Hannah agreed to go. Bad move, Hannah. You don't actually want to date Jordan and you're just going to hurt Dylan's feelings. And after initially accepting, she changed her mind. Jordan was annoyed that Blake was bogarting all the girls and cramping Jordan's style and setting up a bunch of women for disappointment. "As the mayor, I'm here to look after my community," Jordan said. So he pulled Blake aside and told him to straighten up.

Dylan has been at the beach for a couple days and he's already more emotionally drained than he was the first month he was on The Bachelorette. Hannah came over and told him that she wasn't going to go out with Jordan, and Dylan smiled like a little kid. He was so happy.

Jordan then asked Nicole, who agreed just cuz. She wanted to make Clay jealous and see that she's a hot commodity. Uh, was he taking you for granted? But Clay was cool. He played it off like it was all part of the game. But his friends could tell he was hurt.

Nicole and Jordan went ziplining through the jungle. It looked pretty fun and scary. Nicole said Jordan was actually a normal guy and she could actually see him being a good partner. What are you talking about, Nicole? Sidebar: Nicole and Onyeka haven't been beefing, which is great. They were brought to Paradise to continue their conflict, and so far they haven't played into that narrative. They're keeping their distance from each other and enjoying their time on the beach. Good for them.

Blake ripped his toenail off tripping over a rock while playing football on the beach and Tayshia, Caelynn, and Demi pointed and laughed at him. They delighted in his pain. Usually enjoying other people's misfortune isn't so literal on this show, but hey.

Cam did something really weird where he read her a love note he wrote for her. Caelynn couldn't hide that she was confused and a little creeped out. Cam, don't, dude. Weird.

Then Mike Johnson arrived. Mike's Bachelor audition begins in earnest right now. All the women were feeeeeeeeling him. "The guys started sweating and got very mopey," Caelynn observed. Cam in particular, because he blames Mike for him getting kicked off The Bachelorette. So when Mike pulled Caelynn, Cam was annoyed. Caelynn told Mike that she was open. Mike talked to Onyeka next, and she had hearts in her eyes looking at him. He picked Caelynn. Onyeka was so disappointed. Cam was like "he took MY WIIIIFE." Cam thinks he's gonna get engaged to Caelynn. Oh, baby, no.

Jordan and Nicole got back, and Nicole went right back to Clay. Good! Meanwhile, Cam started to spiral. "I just want a life partner so bad, specifically Caelynn." Relax. Mike and Caelynn's date went well. Mike talked about his mom, sister, and grandma. They both smiled a lot. When the conversation stalled, a mariachi orchestra popped out of the woodwork.

Back at the resort, Cam moped. He stood in the dark, alone, looking at the waves crashing on the beach. Cam was probably an emo kid in high school. He still kinda has an emo haircut.

Wills pulled Katie aside and said he's kinda shy and deliberate and takes his time before he makes a decision, maybe too long. But he's been watching her, and really likes her. She started crying, and was trying to say something, but she couldn't get it out and wasn't making any sense, until she finally said she just wasn't feeling him. Chris pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. He told her he was here for her. Katie visibly relaxed after Chris told her that. It was sweet. "Chris rocks," Katie gushed.

Blake psyched himself up to steal Hannah, and told her he was going to fight for her and pursue her. Hannah wasn't sure, and Blake told her that he thinks that in her gut, she feels that they're supposed to be together. Blake will just say whatever. And then they danced on the beach with no music. They were in full view of the bar, where everyone, including Dylan, were sitting. "Those dancing moves are definitely familiar," Kristina said, and Tayshia agreed. They started making out. Very disrespectful to Dylan! He went over to talk to them. Because if she's into Blake and not him, he wants to know!

Blake was like "You had her all day, dude." Dylan said he was pursuing her. Blake said "Don't do this, man." Blake kind of reasonably said he intentionally didn't do what Dylan was doing because he didn't want to make anyone uncomfortable. He was talking for Hannah, but when he shut up and turned it over to Hannah make a decision, she froze up and didn't speak. But she made a choice. She stayed with Blake. "She's a player, just like Blake," Tayshia commented. Hannah is shady, dude. Dylan would be better off without her. "Did they date before this or something?" Dylan asked his producer in a way that didn't seem rhetorical. And the tease for tomorrow's episode seemed to confirm that. What a mess!!!!!!!! I love it. Great season so far.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC. It's available to stream on Hulu.