Electric Insoles

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Have you ever heard of Dr. Wright's Wonderful Electric Insoles? "Guaranteed to cure anything the matter with the feet, rheumatism, corns, bunions, also a powerful vitality stimulant, makes you feel young and giddy and alarmingly lively," etc. etc. Our hero, Bill Smith, has something the matter with his feet. He is hobbling along with the aid of a cane one day when his friend, Jim Brown stops him and tells him about Dr. Wright's Electric Insoles and recommends that he buy a pair. Bill is a little skeptical but finally decides to buy a pair. Hobbling into a drug store. Bill purchases a pair of insoles, and, anxious to see how they work, sits down on the sidewalk, removes his shoes and places the insoles inside. He rises to his feet again and the trouble begins. It seems that this pair of electric insoles has been too heavily charged or stimulated; at any rate Bill's feet begin cutting up, and for the life of him he cannot make them behave. With a swoop he is off and though he tries hard enough he cannot stop himself. You have heard of the legendary "Seven-League Boots" and their remarkable speed qualities. The fabulous hero who wore them never ate space faster than Bill did. Bill tries to turn off the motor or shake the shoes but there is nothing doing. He tries to make a speed break of his cane and grabbing the picket of a fence tears out an entire section and deposits it two or three blocks down the street. Two policemen get in his way when the human lightning streak hits them and leaves them sprawling on the ground. Two women come out to beat a carpet and Bill takes them with him. The merry pace continues and Bill, having exhausted every available means to stop himself, finally allows the speed-mad shoes to carry him whither they will. The various pedestrians who have suffered indignities and bumps in collision with Bill have pursued him relentlessly, unable, of course, to keep pace with him, until finally, in crossing the iron lid of a sidewalk manhole, our hero suddenly stops. The manhole lid, it seems, nets as an attracting magnet and holds Bill and his wonderful shoes firmly to the walk. The pursuers arrive on the scene and Bill receives the drubbing of his life. Then they endeavor to tear him from the manhole, but only until he is pulled out of his shoes is the spell broken.