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22 Episodes 1996 - 1997
Episode 1
Sun, Sep 8, 1996
Smart, blond, tall and long-legged, not to mention equally devious, Sable hits the scene, and Tiffany is worried about having competition that is going to keep her on her toes. Dark secrets are exchanged in a game of detente. Only to get spilled. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star gets a whole new meaning.
Episode 2
Sun, Sep 15, 1996
Senior Ditch Day, and they're off to the beach. Tiffany has to hold her own against blond rival Sable as they compete for the attentions of a boy. Jennie wants to make up for her lost youth hanging with the cool kids. Watch out Frankie Avalon, this one spoofs old beach movies.
Episode 3
Sun, Sep 22, 1996
Jack is dismayed to find out that darling daughter Tiffany might have opted for the oldest profession. But she's just been selling pictures of herself with nerd boys, posing as The Girl Back Home.
Episode 4
Sun, Sep 29, 1996
Tiffany wants to get rid of Sable, who is literally moving in on her territory, and enlists the help of Jack, who gets snared in the claws of vamp Morgana, Sable's sexually aggressive Mom. Jack puts on his party pants, and Jennie is jealous. So is Mr. Floppy, of another one that wears pants.
Episode 5
Sun, Oct 6, 1996
Ryan is delusional after getting struck by lightning, and expects to have superhero powers. Behold, alter ego Lightning Boy prances about the kitchen in underwear that is outerwear. Jenny wants the experience to boost Ryan's confidence in himself. Everybody humors Ryan as he sets himself up for a confrontation with an earth-bound meteor.
Episode 6
Sun, Oct 13, 1996
Inexplicably, out of character, Tiffany gets bitten by the bingo bug. Hooked as she is, she is now Mom's girl, and Jack falls out of favor as the parent of choice. How to win her back? And how will Mr. Floppy make unattainable Hollywood vixen Drew Barrymore jealous?
Episode 7
Wed, Oct 30, 1996
The Mad Hair Hacker goes after Tiffany, Sable, and Tiffany's friend Amber, to chop off their long hair. Meanwhile, Jack and Jennie look forward to terrorizing the neighborhood kids and giving them candy cigarettes on Halloween.
Episode 8
Sun, Nov 3, 1996
Loser boy Ryan has a band. Thanks to hot sis Tiffany. Sleazy-looking record producer took one look at the haphazardly shot promo video, saw inadvertent walk-on redhead sister with the long, long legs, and signed on the loser band. See Ryan perform. Just try not to hear him squawk, er, sing. Then see Glorious Tiffany do the Gloria Estefan to the Miami - no, Malloy - Sound Machine.
Episode 9
Sun, Nov 10, 1996
Episode 10
Sun, Nov 17, 1996
Episode 11
Sun, Nov 24, 1996
Breaking out into sprays of sweat every time he's near a girl, Ryan resorts to copious overuse of deodorant. By the cans full. Caking his underarms. After Tiffany lost out on an unwise bet, she had to find him a date. Turns out she's a refugee set on American citizenship. At all costs. Told by the desperate woman that she prefers manly smells, he delves about and sheds excess bricks of powdery mess there in the car. Which leaves evidence that gets misinterpreted as cocaine abuse by all-of-a-sudden concerned parents Jack and Jennie who watched an Are Your Kids On Drugs alert on TV.
Episode 12
Sun, Dec 15, 1996
Narrowly escaping from getting run over by a bus - hapless Ryan is less lucky - Tiffany has a brush with death, causing her to question her existence. Realizing she hasn't really loved yet, she decides she'd better do something wild, something bad. No, not with boys. So, off to the fashion boutique, where bad girl Tiffany swipes a tube of lipstick.
Episode 13
Sun, Jan 19, 1997
Tiffany dates Herbie Sternberg and Ryan has a rash.
Episode 14
Sun, Feb 2, 1997
Bored with her successful life, looking for new challenges, ever-successful Tiffany manipulates eternal loser Ryan into running for school president, figuring that he'll be her puppet on a string. But instantly the marionette breaks loose. Now she must reel him in.
Episode 15
Sun, Feb 9, 1997
Like mother, like daughter. Tiffany dates a biker. Bikers now remind Jennie of her bad boy Beau Bobby Joe Satan, who once gave her the thrill ride of her life, but then dumped her with a promise of a phone call that never came. She tries to warn newly-minted leather lady Tiffany against giving her heart - not to mention anything more - to the devil-may-care Johnny Stompanado. For tomorrow's phone call never comes.
Episode 16
Sun, Feb 16, 1997
School cafeteria dragon lady, chain-smoking Bulgarian Mrs. Garbaggio, feeds the kids a steady diet of mashed potatoes chronically infested by the most unsavory junk. Beauty Tiffany tries to reason with the beast, to no avail. And her appeal to the School Board bring less than stellar results. Her attempt to overthrow the draconian hag fails miserably - the old witch packs a gun, and the kids had none. Insomniac Jack's sleepless lament gets re-tuned into a potent protest song, We Will Eat No More Po-Ta-Toes, sparking a county-wide uprising which leaves the city in flames. All because of a song. As suspected folk singers flee, Jack happily sleeps through the carnage-filled network TV news report.
Episode 17
Sun, Feb 23, 1997
In English class, star pupil Tiffany scores a B. Actually, a B minus. And that's really just a tarted up C. For a girl who aims to go to Harvard. All because of disgruntled old teacher Monteleone, fed up with being underpaid, who rewards mediocrity with an A, while originality and creative input earn naught but scorn. Parroting Ryan gets an easy A for regurgitating total tripe, so that's the last straw - Tiffany has to stand up in class to the sour-faced less-than-intellectual bully. And Jack plans to make a movie with young talent, so flyers went up all over town, and a big party is expected, the clatter of high heels - that is, until the clump of heavy jackboots arrive.
Episode 18
Sun, Apr 20, 1997
Tired of being dumped by, well, every girl in school, Ryan gets himself a mail-order bride, imported from Russia. Her name is Oksana, and she worships him for showering her with American luxuries. That is, a nine-pack of toilet paper. Two-ply, mind. Tiffany aims to teach her about female emancipation. As if it isn't enough that the good life in the West has gone to the Russki's waistline already. Meanwhile, down in the basement, Jack and Mr. Floppy are having a great time perusing the mail-order bride catalogs. And then there's a knock on the door. The free 48-hour trial period is over. Ryan must return the girl, or marry her. Indecision, indecision. Then a football phone gets offered to sway his mind. No prizes for guessing that the wedding is set to continue. Meanwhile, Oksana continues metamorphosing. What comes down the stairs is not a pretty sight.
Episode 19
Sun, Apr 27, 1997
Tiffany gets a job
Episode 20
Sun, May 4, 1997
Ryan at long last finds his calling in life. Accidentally. As a cutter of women's hair. No, not as a barber. As a stylist. But when he requests $200 from his Dad to go off to beauty school, Jack nearly has a heart attack wanting to die of shame, believing his son to be gay, oops!, the other way. Before you can say "Warren Beaty" though, Mr. Ryan becomes a huge hit with the ladies, some of whom even spill over Ross' way. Cutting the hair of a female Hollywood power monger lands Mr. Ryan in pole position to produce her next movie. But wise and thoughtful parents Jack and Jennie want him to go back to school, as finishing his education is more important.
Episode 21
Sun, May 11, 1997
Episode 22
Sun, May 18, 1997
Animal activist little Ross foists being a vegetarian upon the meat-guzzling family. It's either that, or they all lose out on the $10 000 that goes along with the award. Salads await. And Linda McCartney's lasagna. Tiffany rebels, and even Jack's favorite child gets pushed out as the lure of money talks. In the absence of his regular daily diet, Jack gets rhapsodical as he enthuses about the virtues of meat. And then Jasper barks at something he found in the cupboard. A traitor to his own cause gets revealed.