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29 Episodes 1982 - 1983
Episode 1
Sat, Oct 2, 198260 mins
The crew goes to Italy to work on a cruise ship there. Among the passengers is a family whose patriarch and matriarch (Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters) originally came from Italy and accompanying them are their 2 daughters (Candice Azzara and Meredith Baxter) and granddaughter (Marie Osmond). Into the trip, the couple bicker to the point that they're considering separating. One of the daughters (Baxter) is meeting someone on a sort of blind date but, not known to her, is a gigolo (David Birney). And the granddaughter (Osmond), who's been promised to another guy back home, meets a local (John James) and is attracted to him. And Gopher meets a local woman (Christopher Norris), who says he reminds her of someone she knows. While on shore, the man, who's the spitting image of Gopher, kidnaps him and assumes his identity.
Episode 2
Sat, Oct 2, 198260 mins
Conclusion. The ship cruises to Rome, Capri and Venice as an aristocrat (John James) finds romance; and a married couple (Ernest Borgnine and Shelley Winters) considers separating .
Episode 3
Sat, Oct 16, 198260 mins
Empty nesters Jim and Patti White's (Robert Mandan and Lynn Redgrave) 20th anniversary is approaching, and she wants to fill the empty nest by giving him a baby as a gift. But after sending two sons off to college, he's not interested in fatherhood again and would rather travel with her. Julie's (Lauren Tewes) former roommate Honey Bee Harknest (Randi Oakes) has a reputation for stealing men away from other women. So Julie deliberately tells Honey Bee that she's dating Gopher (Fred Grandy), in hopes that Honey Bee will leave Julie's current boyfriend, Ted Gaines (Richard Bergman), alone. Merrill's (Gavin MacLeod) former classmate, Martha Morse (Phyllis Diller), is sailing on the Princess and is amazed at how youthful Merrill still looks after all these years, leaving him afraid to remove his hat and show her that he is actually bald.
Episode 4
Sat, Oct 23, 198260 mins
A psychic (Connie Stevens) comes on board to entertain the passengers and she meets a man (Charles Siebert), who's separated from his wife and is uncertain if he wants to remain with his wife. And a friend (David Doyle) of Stubing's comes aboard with his son (Matthew Labyorteaux), whom he doesn't see much of. And he can't help but boast of his son's accomplishments but the son later reveals to Vickie (Jill Whelan) that's his accomplishments are not true. And an elderly couple (Jack Gilford and Nancy Walker), who just got married, come aboard and the guy is nervous about the honeymoon.

Episode 5
Sat, Oct 30, 198260 mins
A comedian (Dan Rowan) has a reunion with his wife (Marion Ross) and daughter (Eve Plumb), who he left 20 years ago; an artist (Morgan Brittany) is attracted to an unhappily married man (Skip Stephenson); a young girl (Kim Richards) is attracted to Gopher (Fred Grandy) and pretends to be her older sister.
Episode 6
Sat, Nov 6, 198249 mins
A psychiatrist (Richard Deacon), who specializes in group therapy, comes on board for a little vacation but one of his groups joins him. And they still want him to help them. And when two of them (Elaine Joyce and Jerry Van Dyke) become attracted to each other, they don't know what to do. An actor (Tristan Rogers) runs into the writer of a soap (Susan Lucci), who rejected him. And, she wonders if he has something up his sleeve. And Doc's girlfriend (Michelle Phillips) joins him, as does his nephew (Willie Aames) and he makes a move on her, prompting Doc to challenge him.
Episode 7
Sat, Nov 13, 198245 mins
As an unknown criminal steals the priceless Spoonmaker Diamond from the Topkapi Museum, Merrill (Gavin MacLeod) informs the crew that they will be sailing on the Stella Solaris cruise ship to their next destinations: Greece and Turkey. Travel agent Dana Pierce (Polly Bergen) wants to check out the locales for business purposes. Emmett and Ella Stokes (Harvey Korman and Nancy Dussault) insist they have seen fellow passenger Mark Hayward (Mike Connors) before and they tell him so, but he repeatedly denies it. Crusading reporter Joe Novak (Kiel Martin) is quietly dating Sabrina Drake (Jan Smithers), whose mother Amanda Drake (Alexis Smith) he libeled in his columns. When Doc (Bernie Kopell) finds out that Sabrina is pregnant, he gives serious consideration to marrying Sabrina and being the unborn child's surrogate father. Photographer Cliff Jacobs (David Hedison) runs into his ex-wife Monica Brandon (Linda Evans) on board and wants her to model for him, but she won't do it until he has a definite assignment. Years ago, Julie (Lauren Tewes) sponsored a Greek male child named Gregori Papanopolis (Lorenzo Lamas) through a world relief organization. Now that she's visiting Greece, she looks him up and finds that he is a wealthy businessman. So they spend time getting reacquainted. Inspector Akmed Sadu (Jamie Farr) of Interpol boards the ship and demands that Captain Stubing detain several passengers, including Mark Hayward (Connors), whom Sadu seems to know.

Episode 8
Sat, Nov 13, 198248 mins
Cliff and Monica (David Hedison and Linda Evans) renew their romance. Dana (Polly Bergen) shows Mark (Mike Connors) the diamond that she bought at the bazaar, but Emmett (Harvey Korman) and Ella Stokes (Nancy Dussault) see her. Sabrina (Jan Smithers) contemplates Doc (Bernie Kopell)'s marriage proposal, and he tells her that she's pregnant. Cliff wants Vicki (Jill Whelan) to model for him on an ongoing basis, which could start a career for her. One passenger has a narrow escape from a car crash. Doc pinch-hits for Merrill (Gavin MacLeod) in showing Amanda (Alexis Smith) around the Istanbul Museum but is interrupted by Joe Novak (Kiel Martin), who demands to speak to her, alone. Gregori (Lorenzo Lamas) proposes marriage to Julie (Lauren Tewes). The real association between Emmett Stokes and Mark Hayward is revealed. The Spoonmaker Diamond changes hands.

Episode 9
Sat, Nov 20, 198260 mins
It's Thanksgiving. Among the passengers is a woman (Wendy Schaal) who wants to introduce her fiancé (Jim Knaub) to her parents (Lorne Greene and Dorothy McGuire) but she neglected to tell them that he's a paraplegic. And a father (Richard Hatch) and his son (Christian Jacobs) are trying to get away from the boy's natural father (Michael Lembeck), who wants to take him away. And the crew is bickering with each other, to the point that they're not speaking with each other.

Episode 10
Sat, Nov 27, 198260 mins
Gopher (Fred Grandy) returns from vacation with a new girlfriend, named Gail Cowler (Taylor Miller), who is a history teacher. He also has a trunk carrying a suit of armor, which he dons in order to impress her. But when Isaac (Ted Lange) tries to help him get out of the suit, he breaks the bolt and traps Gopher inside. Captain Stubing's (Gavin MacLeod) longtime friend Joan Heinsley (Ruth Warrick) was widowed in a drunk driving accident, years earlier. The pain of losing her husband never completely healed and now intensifies as her daughter Vanessa (Denise Miller) falls for Webb Jones Junior (Laurence Lau), the son of the drunk driver who took Joan's husband's life. Reverend David Ruland (Robert Pine) leads a mission study society on board the cruise, but two of his members, Betsy Dunvar (Janine Turner) and Laura Tenley (Sharon Gabet), are smitten with him.

Episode 11
Sat, Dec 4, 198260 mins
Glen Leciter (Howard Duff) meets Alice Bailey (Greer Garson), a woman who, by her own admission, is a "good guesser". So, he plans to use her clairvoyant gift to win big in the stock market. Sarah Curtis (Kim Darby) wants to get to know bachelor Ken Miller (Lawrence Pressman) better because she thinks he's a single parent, so he borrows his friend Tom MacDonald's (Jim Stafford) daughter Libby (Louanne), who is a budding actress, to act the part of his daughter and impress Sarah. When Isaac (Ted Lange) experiences a hearing loss, Doc (Bernie Kopell) diagnoses the problem as a temporary middle ear infection in both ears. But, Isaac fears that the hearing loss may be permanent.

Episode 12
Sat, Dec 11, 198260 mins
Connie Pierce (Donna Pescow) feels left out, when her husband Steve (Grant Goodeve) takes a liking to Jan Willis (Angela Cartwright), who is to be their baby's surrogate mother. Julie's (Lauren Tewes) recently widowed Aunt Sylvia (Carol Channing) visits with her friend Betsy Boucher (Betty White), who has been named the executrix of the estate and obsessively nags Sylvia to conserve money. Ruth Gaylor (Karen Morrow) falls for inventor Franklin Trumbauer (Peter Marshall), who doesn't notice her because he's too busy attending to his ever-present creation: a robot named Bix.

Episode 13
Sat, Dec 18, 198260 mins
On a Christmas cruise, a senior citizen named Angelarum Dominicus (Mickey Rooney) is present in the lives of several other passengers. The crew members argue over how to decorate the ship for the holidays while Captain Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) grows impatient. Jim and Lori Markham (Donny Osmond and Maureen McCormick) are taking their first vacation in years, with him being frustrated by her workaholic tendencies that keep them apart. Sisters Regina and Bernadette (Teresa Wright and Jan Rooney) chaperone the members of the Good Shepherd Boys' Choir en route to their home in Acapulco, without knowing they are carrying thieves Charlie Dobbs (Keenan Wynn) and Henry Beemus (Henry Gibson)' stolen gold to its final destination.
Episode 14
Sat, Jan 8, 198360 mins
This cruise is suppose to have some celebrities among the passengers. But the PR employees (Debbie Reynolds and Marilyn Michaels) booked them on a different cruise. So they end up impersonating celebrities. A celebrity (Carole Cooke), doing research for her role as Florence Nightingale by working as Doc's (Bernie Kopell)'s nurse, meets a passenger (Forrest Tucker) who doesn't like show business types. A man (Richard Kline) who was accused of embezzling and was convicted and then sent to prison, goes on the cruise with the lawyer (Vicki Lawrence) who got him pardoned. They make admissions to each other; she, that she loves him; and he, that he actually committed the crime he was charge with.
Episode 15
Sat, Jan 15, 198360 mins
Capt. Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) mentors Captain Donahue (McLean Stevenson), whom Gopher (Fred Grandy) thinks is out to take command of the Pacific Princess. Ben Phillips (Frank Bonner) and Henry Greg (Arte Johnson) seem to be aggressively competing for the affections of Mary Frances Bellflower (Shelley Fabares), who claims that they're only after her foxhound. Doc's (Bernie Kopell) longtime friend, Erica Dupont (Jenilee Harrison), works on the cruise to help her mother pay for her wedding to wealthy fiancé Robert Wallingford (Stephen Shortridge), who, along with his socially snobbish parents Harold and Margaret (William Windom and Jane Wyatt), thinks she's wealthy, as well. But then Harold and Margaret turn up on the same cruise, leading Erica to try to hide from them.

Episode 16
Sat, Jan 22, 198360 mins
Doc's (Bernie Kopell) medical school chum, Dr. Elliot Norton (James Noble), gives Vicki (Jill Whelan) some information for an article on Doc, but is besieged with requests for interviews, leaving Doc feeling very insecure about his own accomplishments, which pale in comparison to those of Dr. Norton. Tom Niver (Raymond St. Jacques) and Faye Phillips (Theresa Merritt) are seniors living together without being married. They introduce his son Jeffrey (Brian Stokes Mitchell) to her daughter Velma (Telma Hopkins), both of whom object to their parents' domestic arrangement. Computer genius Ross (Alan Young) meets longtime friend Kathy Brighton (Holland Taylor) aboard the ship, but is afraid of losing her to masculine passenger Bob Williams (Adam West). So Ross takes Kathy on a tour of the ship and finds something startling in the cargo hold.

Episode 17
Sat, Jan 29, 198360 mins
Gopher (Fred Grandy) buys a Daisy exercise machine to improve his physique but doesn't want the other crew members to know about it, while an attractive girl (Chanelle Lea) keeps sneaking into his cabin while he's out. Doc (Bernie Kopell), Isaac (Ted Lange) and Julie (Lauren Tewes) are confused by the sounds of his exercising and by the girl's comings and goings. They eventually jump to the wrong conclusion that he's having a very physical affair with the girl. Long-married Lou and Harriet Stevens (James Coco and Doris Roberts) bicker a great deal. Their 25-year-old son Jonathan (Adam Arkin) is a divorce lawyer who announces plans to move out of the family homestead and into a bachelor pad, leaving Harriet traumatized. She reacts so emotionally that it leads her and Lou to contemplate divorce, and both of them want Jonathan to represent them. Society matron Allison Newman's (Joan Rivers) romance with junk dealer Max Glutovsky (Alex Rocco) is threatened due to the lingering insecurity she feels from her first husband divorcing her, after she underwent a successful mastectomy.
Episode 18
Sat, Feb 5, 198360 mins
The crew are in Greece working a cruise where a College is having its graduation ceremony. The Principal is attracted to a teacher who rebuffs him because he won't give a student a make-up test so he can graduate. And the student and a couple of his friends are hounding the Principal to do that. A prodigy is attracted to Vicki which doesn't make the Captain happy. And the valedictorian whose education was provided by his Greek aunt whom he assumed is wealthy but upon meeting her learns she's just a woman of humble means. And when she goes on board he doesn't tell anyone he's her aunt. And Isaac meets a woman who is estranged from her husband.
Episode 19
Sat, Feb 5, 198360 mins
Conclusion. Capt. Stubing's daughter falls in love. A beloved crew member decides to leave the ship.

Episode 20
Sat, Feb 12, 198360 mins
As Keith Kelly (Don Most) boards a Valentine's Day cruise, he receives a nasty singing telegram, from Suzie Scott (Claudia Lonow), telling him that his girlfriend has dumped him. So he misdirects his resentment toward the girlfriend at Suzie, and it only intensifies when she forgets to leave the ship before it sails. Magazine editor Liz Merritt (Fannie Flagg) calls a temporary agency to recruit a secretary. The agency head Sam Corey (Don Adams) visits the ship to tell her that they couldn't find anyone, then decides to pose as the secretary himself, despite the fact that he doesn't type and doesn't take dictation. Football star Duke Taylor (John Amos), who has played in four Super Bowls and has written a juicy tell-all autobiography, begins a shipboard fling with schoolteacher Kate Langley (Jayne Kennedy).

Episode 21
Sat, Feb 19, 198360 mins
Movie star Janine Adams (Joan Collins), who has been divorced from nine husbands, boards the Princess for a cruise, without knowing that a tabloid reporter is in tow to write a story about her love life. When Capt. Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) develops feelings for her, speculation arises that he could become her tenth husband. Lydia Harris (Delta Burke) plans to marry her wealthy fiancé Lawrence Jurgens (Jeffrey Tambor) in Acapulco, but her ex-lover/ex-hairdresser Ron (Richard Gilliland) is on the same cruise and is determined to win her back. Frustrated golf widow Kathy Costello (Stella Stevens) takes the cruise alone, while her husband Joe (Monte Markham) plays in a golf tournament. But when she boards, she is reunited with her former lover Ted Cole (Ron Ely), after a separation of ten years.

Episode 22
Sat, Feb 26, 198360 mins
April comes back after being let go by her employer and is trying to gain citizenship but always crumbles during the oral exam. One of the ship's waiters gets into it with one of the passengers and learns that they have a connection. And an inexperienced girl wants to have her first time and meets a guy but whenever they become intimate she breaks up killing the mood.

Episode 23
Sat, Mar 5, 198360 mins
Vicki (Jill Whelan) hooks up with a young passenger (Glenn Scarpelli), who gives her some pills which he said are supplements. But, when the boy gets ill and Doc (Bernie Kopell) deduces it's from drug use and when the pills are found on Vicki, the boy's mother (Elinor Donahue) accuses Vicki of giving her son the drugs. Gopher's (Fred Grandy) uncle (Red Buttons), a salesman, sets up a little shop in his cabin, which undermines the ship's gift shop. And he takes a liking to the woman (June Allyson) in charge of the shop, whose job could be in jeopardy because she's not making any sales. And a guy (Patrick Wayne), who's traveling with his girlfriend (Ann Turkel), feels emasculated because she's better at the things he likes to do.
Episode 24
Sat, Mar 12, 198360 mins
San Francisco fashion designer Hannah Harvey (Mary Martin) has been widowed for twenty years and nicknamed "Helpful Hannah", due to her penchant for persuading those around her to follow their bliss by expressing their creativity. She is reunited with twelve-years-widowed longtime friend Jarvis Holden (Max Showalter), whose son Kent (Timothy Patrick Murphy) loves to play the piano and is studying to take the real estate exam. Her efforts, to help Kent use his musical talent, clash with Jarvis' paternal intentions. Interior design student Dee Dee Draper (Judy Landers) is working as a maid for Gregory King (Ben Murphy), whose sometime-girlfriend Meredith Bradshaw (Caren Kaye) is in love with someone else and fails to show up at boarding time. So Dee Dee, who is romantically attracted to Greg, takes Meredith's place on the cruise to spend time with him. But then Meredith arrives. Gopher (Fred Grandy) takes a course in CPR and persuades Merrill (Gavin MacLeod) to offer the course on board because it may save a life. Mr. Fenley (Milton Berle) has retired and left his plumbing business to his son Dwaine (Steven Keats) but feels that Dwaine is not working hard enough to keep the business going. Dwaine's wife Lily (Andrea Howard) referees their constant arguments, which may ruin the cruise for all three of them.

Episode 25
Sat, Mar 26, 198360 mins
On the cruise, there is a dog contest to determine which dog will be on the cover of dog food containers. A woman (Catherine Bach) thinks that a dog, belonging to another passenger (Dirk Benedict), is the dog she lost some time ago. Isaac's Aunt Tanya (Isabel Sanford) enters her pet and is pampering him so much that her husband, Charles (Mel Stewart), is feeling neglected. Gopher and Isaac get a dog (Tundra the Wonder Dog) and enter him in the contest but they have trouble training him or so they think; they sell the dog to Vicki (Jill Whelan). And the mail clerk (Ray Buktenica), from the dog food company, is sent by the dog food company president to deliver some contest information to Captain Stubing (the President of the company (Gordon Jump) will secretly be in Las Vegas with an attractive woman) and somehow people think that the mail clerk is the president; the mail clerk connects with a female passenger (Heather Thomas) and then the president's wife (Jo Anne Worley) arrives to surprise the president.

Episode 26
Sat, Apr 2, 198360 mins
Professor Roscoe Weber (Sam Jaffe) is a 91-year-old Nobel Prize winner in the psychology field and doesn't realize that his adoring former pupil, Professor Helen Burton (Bettye Ackerman), has been hired by his university to replace him. Expert magician, The Great Stellini (Dick Van Patten), flagrantly disapproves of his daughter Christina's (Mary-Margaret Humes) suitor, a novice magician named Joey Gardiner (Barry Van Dyke), who he thinks wants to steal his secrets. Minnie Dunlop (Anne Meara) used to be Harlan Weatherly's (Jerry Stiller) landlady, before his damage to the apartment drove her to file a lawsuit against him. So Gopher (Fred Grandy) leads Doc (Bernie Kopell), Isaac (Ted Lange), Julie (Lauren Tewes) and Vicki (Jill Whelan) to hear both sides of the story and make a judgment on the matter in a simulated small claims court.
Episode 27
Sat, Apr 30, 198360 mins
Singer Holly Hartman's (Jessica Walter) husband, Danny Hartman (Mel Tillis), writes songs for her. But he's also writing songs for singer C. G. Thomas (Tanya Tucker), under a pseudonym. Annabelle Folker (Florence Henderson) returns, this time with boyfriend Ted Myler (Bert Convy) and three orphans (Neil Billingsley, Angela Lee Sloan and Michael Evans), whose parents died en route to one of her concerts. The orphans try to upset Ted, so that he will bow out and enable Annabelle to spend more time with them. Effie Skaggs (Minnie Pearl) upsets Doc (Bernie Kopell) and Capt. Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) by handing out bottles of her homemade folk remedy "Aunt Effie's Elixir", which constitutes practicing medicine without a license. Jeannie Davis' (Beth Howland) jewelry attracts the attention of outspoken jeweler Henry Bullard (Sherman Hemsley), who knows that it's real. But Jeannie is desperate to keep this news from her husband, Bill Davis (Steve Kanaly), because revealing the secret could jeopardize their marriage. Gopher (Fred Grandy) leads the crew in creating an opening act for the country music jamboree, by borrowing kitchen implements from Chef Loomis (Pat Buttram), without asking him. Dottie West wants complete rest and anonymity after a hectic performance schedule, but Gopher keeps trying to have his picture taken with her. Plus-sized Kenny Creek (Kenny Price) and Lulu Dixon (Lulu Roman) take full advantage of the food served on board.
Episode 28
Sat, Apr 30, 198360 mins
Holly Hartman (Jessica Walter) finds out that Danny (Mel Tillis) has been writing songs for C.G. Thomas (Tanya Tucker). Ted Myler (Bert Convy) issues an ultimatum to Annabelle (Florence Henderson): either the kids (Neil Billingsley, Angela Lee Sloan and Michael Evans) fly home or he does. Aunt Effie Skaggs (Minnie Pearl) gets sick but won't let Doc (Bernie Kopell) examine her. Jeannie Davis (Beth Howland) begs Henry Bullard (Sherman Hemsley) not to reveal the truth about her jewelry to her husband (Steve Kanaly). Capt. Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) asks Gopher (Fred Grandy) to look into the disappearance of implements from Chef Loomis' (Pat Buttram) kitchen. Gopher continues trying to have his picture taken with vacationing Dottie West. Plus-sized couple Kenny Creek (Kenny Price) and Lulu Dixon (Lulu Roman) continue to enjoy the food served on board.
Episode 29
Sat, May 7, 198360 mins
Aging Dwight Scoffield (David Wayne) bilked Henry Harper in a land deal, decades earlier. Now, Dwight is on the cruise with his granddaughter, Stacy Scoffield (Michele Tobin), and meets Henry Harper (Ted McGinley), who doesn't seem to have aged at all in fifty years and claims that a fountain of youth is responsible. Newlyweds Cora Winnaker (Lynda Goodfriend) and Edwin Winnaker (David Naughton) are booked into Cabin 213 on the Fiesta Deck, which according to Gopher (Fred Grandy), is a bad luck cabin for all newlywed couples. Sure enough, as soon as Cora and Edwin arrive, a string of bad luck begins for the couple. Isaac's (Ted Lange) widowed friend, Gayle Davis (Tracy Reed), is on the cruise with her son, Bobby Davis (Shavar Ross), and has marriage on her mind, but Isaac isn't sure that he's ready for matrimony.
