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22 Episodes 1982 - 1983
Episode 1
Sat, Oct 2, 1982 30 mins
Provoked by a foul-up at the phone company, Nell rips out a telephone and gets sent to jail. Swackhammer: John Fletcher. Nell: Nell Carter. Customer: Jack Carter.
Episode 2
Sat, Oct 9, 1982 30 mins
Carl discovers that his brother's fiancée is a hooker. Maxine: Arlene Golonka. Samantha: Lara Jill Miller. Julie: Lauri Hendler. Nell: Nell Carter.
Episode 3
Sat, Oct 16, 1982 30 mins
Carl can't cope with Samantha's conversations with her imaginary friend. Dave: Grant Cramer. Todd: Michael O'Leary. Samantha: Lara Jill Miller. Carl: Dolph Sweet.
Episode 4
Sat, Oct 23, 1982 30 mins
When Grandma leaves to go see her sick sister who is about to have an operation, Grandpa is sent to live with the family for a few days. When he shows up he is nothing but trouble, as he wakes up in the middle of the night, bangs a bag of ice cubes on the counter to crush them, causes the garbage disposal to go insane, spies in on a neighbor's backside, and makes Nells puzzle fall the floor, only to vaccuum it up and wake everyone up.
Episode 5
Sat, Oct 30, 1982 30 mins
Katie's friend is back on the Kaniskys' doorstep---talking about giving up her baby for adoption. Nell Carter, Kari Michaelsen, Dolph Sweet.
Episode 6
Sat, Nov 6, 1982 30 mins
Nell's diet group PORKO races to prevent the suicide of a member. George: Dennis Burkley. Betty: Marianne Muellerleile. Kramer: Lewis Arquette. Nell: Nell Carter.
Episode 7
Sat, Nov 13, 1982 30 mins
The Chief goes on a stakeout with two officers where they are on lookout for an old-lady targeter. One of the officers dresses up as a woman and stays out in the streets, while the Chief and the other officer wait inside listening to the sounds on the recorder. The Chief cracks a few jokes with the officer about gay people and the officer is offended by this. He then tells the Chief that he himself is gay.
Episode 8
Sat, Nov 27, 1982 30 mins
Julie invites a handsome boy at school to come over to stud with her, but he falls for Katie, and the two go out. When Katie comes home, Julie and her have it out in a hilarious catfight of sister versus sister. In the end, Katie finds out that the boy knew Julie was Katies sister and wanted to go over the house so he would get a date with her. Katie and Julie final make up when Katie tells Julie what the boy told her.
Episode 9
Sat, Dec 4, 1982 30 mins
Nell is out of town at her cousin's funeral as Simpson storms into the house and says that the Cheif was shot but is alright. The Cheif is mad at Simpson because he accidently shot him in his office when he showed a fellow officer his secret moves with his gun. As he shows the family how he performs the moves, he accidently shoots the gun again and the bullet smashes into the fish tank, killing Gertrude the goldfish.
Episode 10
Sat, Dec 11, 1982 30 mins
Nell is sucked into a vacuum-cleaner scam by a con man who promises she'll clean up with only a $250 investment. Nichols: Richard Paul. Angie: Alvernette Jimenez. Simpson: Howard Morton.
Episode 11
Sat, Dec 18, 1982 30 mins
A neighbor refuses to muzzle her howling hound and is hauled into court---after the mutt bites Nell (Nell Carter). Dolph Sweet, Howard Morton.
Episode 12
Thu, Jan 6, 1983 30 mins
While playing the accordian at dinner, Uncle Ed falls I'll and feints into the fishtank while cooling off. He ends up in the hospital and when he wakes up he realizes that he needs to have a kidney transplant for not living a healthy life and a sibiling would be the best bet for a transplant. The Cheif talks with Ed and is worried about him and tells him he will do anything to help him get through this. Ed asks him if he'll donate his kidney to him and he agrees.
Episode 13
Thu, Jan 13, 1983 30 mins
The Chief finds a cigarrette in his sock and questions each of the girls about it. When he finds out that Samantha and Katie don't smoke, he tears through Julie's room and then appologizes when she tells him she would never smoke. However, she smokes when he leaves the room but he catches her. She then moves to Grandma and Grandpa's after he hits her and it's up to him to get her to come home.
Episode 14
Thu, Jan 20, 1983 30 mins
Everyone's mad at the Chief for firing a lady cop who posed as a centerfold. First of two parts. Dolph Sweet, Nell Carter. Swackhammer: Jack Fletcher.
Episode 15
Thu, Jan 27, 1983 30 mins
Conclusion. A bomb threat is the response to the firing of the "centerfold cop" (Maggie Cooper), and Carl is ordered to rehire her. Dolph Sweet. Mayor: Donnelly Rhodes. Storm: Harrison Page.
Episode 16
Thu, Feb 10, 1983 30 mins
Aunt Blanche pays a visit to the Chief on his birthday and threatens to take custody of the girls after seeing what looks like Nell and the Chief doing an indecent act in the kitchen, when she really was doing the heimlick maneauver on him as he was choking on a piece of his sandwich. In court, Aunt Blanche breaks down, after Nell tells her that Blanche really doesn't want her to raise the girls because she is black. Blanche then decides to drop the suit in the end.
Episode 17
Thu, Feb 17, 1983 30 mins
Nell tells about her singing past with a doo-wop girl group. Nell and her two friends years before she met the Kanisky's decide to audition to get called back by a famous celebrity. However, the man likes the other two girls, and refuse Nell to be part of the group. Nell knows that the girls are going to visit her and havent seen her in years, and in the end she finds out they are fat like her, and lost their singing careers after they gained weight.
Episode 18
Thu, Feb 24, 1983 30 mins
Carl throws a big wedding for brother Ed when Maxine retires from the world's oldest profession to marry the merry mortician. Ed: Pete Schrum.
Episode 19
Thu, Mar 3, 1983 30 mins
Grandpa hides a letter from Grandma and she beleives he is cheating on him. When she secretly takes the letter and reads it, she realizes that the apartment they live in is being converted into a condo and they need to come up with $60,000 or else they have to leave. Grandpa and Nell go to the bank and Grandpa is hard of hearing, as the man at the bank decides to decline him of the loan.
Episode 20
Thu, Mar 10, 1983 30 mins
When Samantha reads Nell part of her essay she is doing on the Cheif for school, Nell tells her it would be a good idea to go to the police station and observe her father in his daily routine. When she gets there she observes several different scenarios. One scenario involves Mr. Swackhammer having a plumber arrested for stealing his toilet, which he claims flushes up and not down, since the plumber says he didn't pay for it after it was installed.
Episode 21
Thu, Apr 28, 1983 30 mins
Don Rickles plays a deli owner who goes jaw-to-jaw with Nell when she protects a shoplifter he caught red-handed. Nell Carter. Danny: LaShana Dendy.
Episode 22
Thu, May 5, 1983 30 mins
When Nell is sick at home and the Chief going off to Los Angeles for a meeting, he calls his mother to help out around the house. She shuns away Katies new boyfriend since he has pink hair, puts garlic on everyone because she doesn't want them to catch Nells sickness, and feeds the family lamb with goats intestines. Fed up by this, everyone forces Samantha to go to Grandpa and tell him to beg Grandma to return home and she falls head over heels for him.