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Father Ted Season 3 Episodes
Season 3 Episode Guide
8 Episodes 1998 - 1998
Episode 1
Are You Right There Father Ted?
24 mins
When Mrs Doyle injures herself Ted and Dougal do the housework and a bored Ted puts a lampshade on his head - an act interpreted as racism by a passing Chinese family. Ted gets them on side by buying them alcohol but another mishap leads to the islanders believing him to be a Nazi and so, to dispel the notion, he holds a festival to celebrate all cultures. This is successful but unfortunately a friend of his has recently died and bequeathed all his Nazi memorabilia to Ted and Mrs Doyle proudly puts it on show.
Episode 2
Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep
24 mins
With the island's annual King of the Sheep contest imminent Ted puts the house's entire winter heating allowance on a sheep called Chris to win. Chris's owner Fargo Boyle tells Ted that Chris has heard about the notorious Beast of Craggy island and is nervous so Ted helps Fargo get Chris into winning condition. Then Ted works out that there is no Beast, and it was a ploy by Fargo to increase the odds on Chris. Unfortunately in exposing the plot Ted gets Chris disqualified and loses his money.
Episode 3
Speed 3
24 mins
Ted is shocked to find that Pat Mustard, the island milkman, has been having sex with his lady customers - possibly including Mrs. Doyle - and reports him to the dairy manager. As a result Pat gets sacked and Dougal takes on the delivery route, as the manager trusts a man of God. A vengeful Mustard has attached a bomb to the milk float which will activate at four miles an hour and detonate if the speed then falls below four. Ted manages to save Dougal thanks to a decorative brick that Mrs Doyle has brought into the house and Pat Mustard ends up literally - and fatally - hoisted by his own petard.
Episode 4
The Mainland
24 mins
On a trip to the mainland to collect £200 winnings Ted gets punched by actor Richard Wilson and visits local caves with Dougal, where they encounter Father Noel Furlong, whose screeching contest causes a rockfall from which Dougal and Ted manage to escape. Meanwhile Jack, minus his new glasses, causes trouble at an AA meeting and Mrs Doyle gets into a fight with her friend Mrs Dineen over who should pay for their tea. With all three arrested Ted has to part with his £200 to set them free but worse is to come for Richard Wilson when he finds himself outside Ted's house on Craggy island.
Episode 5
Escape from Victory
24 mins
The time has come for the Craggy Island priests to take on their Rugged Island counterparts at the annual five a side football match but with Dougal not fit for anything beyond guarding the line flags all the players are extremely old - one in fact dying before he can make the game. Rugged Island have a secret weapon - the fitter Italian Father Romeo Sensini, who puts them in the lead. Craggy Island do eventually win but are exposed as cheats and disqualified with Ted having to pay a forfeit - kicking Bishop Brennan up the arse.
Episode 6
Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse
24 mins
Ted worries about the upcoming forfeit and there is no way out as Dougal has to take a photograph of it as proof. Eventually Ted gets Brennan to visit by telling him that his likeness has miraculously appeared in the skirting board and the bishop arrives, accompanied by sarcastic Father Jessup, whom Jack locks in his underpants hamper. Ted goes through with the forfeit, which puts Brennan in a catatonic state, from which he only recovers whilst visiting the Pope. He returns to Craggy Island and Ted almost convinces him that it did not happen - until the bishop sees the photograph and takes his revenge.
Episode 7
Night of the Nearly Dead
24 mins
Mrs Doyle wins the first prize in a poetry contest, a visit from the housewives' favourite matinee idol, crooner and presenter Eoin McLove who comes to serenade her. Unfortunately she has told one of her friends and Eoin and his assistant Patsy are soon besieged overnight in the Parochial House with the priests as scores of middle-aged women congregate to see their idol, eventually breaking in and pursuing them upstairs. They are only dispersed when Mrs Doyle reminds them that they must return home to get their husbands' breakfasts. As a result of the visit Ted gets to appear on Eoin's quiz show but fails to win the main prize by not knowing the Pope's real name.
Episode 8
Going to America
25 mins
Having saved the life of a suicidal fellow priest Ted gets a call from Father Buzz Cagney in Los Angeles, inviting him to work with him. Ted is excited but lacks the heart to tell Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle that they cannot go with him. However when Ted learns that his prospective parish is run-down and violent he decides against going - much to the relief of the others - and resigns himself to the fact that he will probably never leave Craggy Island.
