The X Factor: Preteens Who Can Actually Sing Need Not Apply

The end of Wednesday's X Factor employed one of the cheapest cliff-hangers in the book — will the sickly contestant live to audition? — which means there was no time for silly pre-taped bits about straw hats and tiaras on Thursday's episode. Instead, we cut back right back to 13-year-old Trevor Moran who still looks unresponsive after passing out in his mother's lap while waiting to audition.

Trevor's eyes soon open and it turns out he was dehydrated, which means he's already halfway on the road to stardom! Way to give it 100 percent, Trev! Pretty much the first words out of his mouth are about his audition. But when he gets to the stage, Simon Cowell could seemingly care less about his health scare. "You got one chance at this so you gotta nail it." Simon is, like, so good at pep talks.

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The bad news? Trevor not only picks a bad song, LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It," but he also doesn't have a good voice. The good news? The judges don't seem to hear that at all! Britney Spears and Demi Lovato can't stop giggling about his cute dance moves, and then the crowd gets on their feet. I would describe his choreography more, but I fear I just won't do it justice. Especially the "wiggle, wiggle, wiggle" part. This is what YouTube is for, readers. Simon isn't sure LMFAO was "age appropriate" but says Trevor will be remembered for his performance. Britney says she "loved watching every minute," aka "I don't care what you sound like because you make for good TV." Trevor gets four yeses.

Owen Stuart, 16, is pretty cute and sounds like he might have a good voice, but spends way too much time talking to his long-distance girlfriend Victoria — Tori for short — and telling her he misses her sooooo much. [Insert Britney's overly dramatic sad face here.] After making Simon's eyes roll with his talk about Tori, Owen even dedicates "Airplanes" to her. He redeems himself by busting out some genuinely impressive silky smooth vocals. Not only that, but the boy can rap! And it's an original rap! L.A. Reid and Demi are impressed, but Owen didn't "wow" Britney. Simon says Owen is focused and passionate and Owen walks away with one no and three yeses. He vows not to let Britney down, even though he should really be saying that to Simon, who has the highest hopes for him.

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Minister Freddie Combs, 41, used to weigh 920 pounds but is now down to 540. He's confined to a chair, but he's ready to wow the judges after his life-threatening experience. Freddie's song choice, "Wind Beneath My Wings," is pretty outdated and he holds out the notes a little too much but there's a good base there. [Insert Britney's befuddled what-am-I-supposed-to-think-of-this face here]. Britney decides that she liked it, and says it was shockingly good. Demi adds she was moved by all the emotion in his performance. Simon says he'll back Freddie if Freddie backs himself, and gives a "yes" to inspire him to get out of his chair. Freddie gets four yeses and a kiss from the Mrs. He tells her he has a lot of work cut out for him, but seems ready to take on the challenge.

Lauren Jauregui's dad instructs her to penetrate her eyes right through Simon, which makes him the coolest dad ever. She's only 16, but her performance of Alicia Keys' "If I Ain't Got You" oozes soul. She has a little bit of a control issue, but that can be easily mended in boot camp. "That, Lauren, is how you do it," Simon says, calling her one of his favorite auditions. She gets four yeses, duh.

Jordyn Foley is pretty much a giant ball of sugar, pink and glitter. Case in point: She tells Simon she would name her first album, Pink Glitter (did Katy Perry not already call shotgun on that?). She sings "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie with a lot of power and energy, but her pitch is really dreadful and she has no control. "Oh, Jordyn," is all Simon can muster afterwards and tries to make someone else do the dirty work of telling her she stinks. Except that it backfires and Britney praises her voice. She gets yeses from Demi, Britney and L.A.. The look on Simon's face is almost worth it all, but it's disheartening to know that any preteen with crazy fashion sense and halfway-decent choreography can be in the running for $5 million. I officially feel bad for whichever judge has to coach the 12-17-year-olds group. With the exception of Lauren, obviously.

And that's it for the auditions! Next up, boot camp, tears and more crazy Britney facial expressions! Are you ready, y'all? What were your favorite singers of the night? Do you think the judges made any bad choices? Sound off!