Our top moments of the week:
15. Impeccable Timing Award: After what host Jeff Probst calls the most "complicated" and "entertaining" Tribal Council ever, former MLB player Jeff Kent is voted off Survivor: Philippines, a result of him betraying his alliance. But even more surprising than Jeff's ouster is his hilariously timely rant afterward, during which he points out that the show's $1 million prize is really only "600 grand after Obama takes it." It's all the more funny since the show was filmed earlier this year and his elimination just happened to air the day after Barack Obama's re-election.
14. Laziest Rip-Off: Ted proposes to Victoria on How I Met Your Mother after she drops a gazillion hints that he doesn't totally get at first. But it's after he pops the question that she drops the biggest (and lamest) bombshell of all: She'll only be with him if he stops being friends with Robin. Gee, where have we heard this before?
13. Moral Gray Area Award: On The Amazing Race, Natalie and Nadiya find James and Abba's $100 Race money for the leg in a travel agency. Rather than give it back to the rockers, who are still in the agency with them, they opt to keep the dough and split it with Trey and Lexi for their silence and to assuage their guilt. Neither team incurs a penalty (since the money was lost and unattended to) — sparking fan and fellow Racer outrage — but it does raise some ethical questions. Or is this merely a case of "don't hate the player, hate the game"?
12. Worst Missed Opportunity: Elena literally dashes her own chances at ever being human again on The Vampire Diaries. When vampire hunter Connor attempts to kill her, Elena swiftly snaps his neck. Little does she know, Connor's invisible tattoo was the map to an alleged cure for vampirism. Oops!
10. Strangest Turn-On: Bow-chicka-bow-wow! Arrow's hero finally gets some action when Laurel attends his prison-themed house party (classy). Oddly, what seals the deal for the star-crossed lovers is when Laurel lays eyes on Ollie's massively scarred body. Whatever does it for you, Laurel. No judging!
9. Scariest Foreplay: On Castle's geek-tastic love letter to Comic-Con and sci-fi, Castle learns that Beckett is a closet nerd. So just how much did she love Nebula 9, a sci-fi show that featured mutated cannibals known as Creavers? Enough to once dress up as Lt. Chloe, the show's female lead. After Castle gets his hands on a photo, he begs Beckett to do a little Lt. Chloe role-playing in the bedroom. She gives in, but unbeknownst to Castle, she also wears a Creaver mask, ruining the moment and potentially scarring him for life. Be careful what you wish for...
8. Biggest Headscratcher: Bobby's passing on Supernaturalleft a huge hole in Sam's and Dean's lives, but an unlikely figure fills the void of the Winchesters' mentor and that person is... Garth? Yup. You read that right. Quirky ol' Garth returns, sporting a very familiar baseball cap and doing his best to dole out wisdom to the brothers. Garth still has a ways to go before he stops looking like such an "idjit" all the time, but we applaud his attempt.
7. Weirdest Sneak Attack: As Brody and Carrie continue their "who trusts whom?" tango on Homeland, Team Abu Nazir hits them hard. Brody's intel leads Quinn and a team of agents to the tailor shop in Gettysburg where Brody's suicide vest was made. But just as they get close to what they're (unwittingly) looking for, a team of black-suited mercenaries busts in and opens fire, appearing to take out (nearly) everyone in sight and removing a large trunk of something from the wall. We know Abu Nazir has connections, but who knew he had an elite ninja force at his command?
6. Sexual Healing Award: Talk about sleeping with the enemy! Dex finally gets Hannah on his table on Dexter... but not how you think. Instead of stabbing her in the chest, he cuts off the Saran wrap and has sex with her. Yes, the two killers did the dirty on a death table. We're starting to miss Lumen... and Rita!
5. Cause and Effect Award: We still don't know the "why" behind Revolution's blackout, but we finally learn the "how." During an attempt to generate low-cost energy, Ben, Rachel and Grace accidentally invented a way to inhibit all electricity (science, it's crazy, right?). To save the group's struggling start-up company (and the life of unborn Danny), the Mathesons signed a contract with the Department of Defense. Oh, and to complicate things further, the DoD secretary with whom they made the contract is the same sleazeball currently holding Grace hostage!
4. Best Flagbearer: In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, President Barack Obama takes the stage in Chicago to deliver his victory speech (watch it here) after defeating Republican challenger Mitt Romney to win a second term. The commander-in-chief employs stirring rhetoric ("we know in our hearts that for the United States of America the best is yet to come") to galvanize the country, but he still manages to get upstaged by a woman in the background over his left shoulder who has an American flag stuck in her hair. "Hair Flag Lady"'s every turn of the head and flip of the flag is captured for the country — nay, the world — to see. Hey, you can't say she's not patriotic.
3. Most Buzzed-About: Exhausted? Medicated? Drunk? We may never know what was going on with Diane Sawyer on ABC's coverage of election night that had her slurring, propping herself up with her elbows, easily excited, seriously inquiring about the Obama campaign's use of exclamation points and acting all-around loopy. But at least the woman is taking the speculation in stride. (As you might expect, Katie Couric, ABC's social media correspondent, never mentioned that her colleague was a Twitter trending topic.)
2. Most Surprising Deaths: It's only Episode 4! That's our exact reaction when not one, but two longtime survivors meet their maker on The Walking Dead. First, T-Dog gets bitten and heroically sacrifices himself to save Carol. Then, Lori selflessly gives her life during an impromptu C-section so her baby can live. Did Carl really have to shoot his mother and his quasi-stepfather (RIP, Shane!) in the head within the span of five episodes? Poor kid!
1. Weirdest Meltdown: Karl Rove bizarrely tries to argue with math on Fox News after multiple networks, including Fox News, calls the all-important swing state of Ohio and thus the election for President Obama. Insisting that the projection is premature, the former advisor to George W. Bush spouts off numbers about rural areas whose votes hadn't yet been tallied, prompting co-anchor Megyn Kelly to ask: "Is this just math that you do as a Republican to make yourself feel better?" ("By the way, 'Math You Do As a Republican to Make Yourself Feel Better' is a much better slogan for Fox than the one they have now ['Fair and Balanced']," Jon Stewart quips on The Daily Show.) Rove is so relentless that Kelly awkwardly walks off set to ask the number-crunchers to explain themselves on behalf of Rove, who still isn't satisfied afterward. For the record, Obama would've won even without Ohio. But the true winner? Math.
What were your top moments?