Twenty Things I Learned This Past TV Season

1. I learned how to type "Isaiah" correctly on the first try. (Yeah, that lesson became kind of imperative.) 2. I learned that creating a keyboard shortcut for "from O.C. creator Josh Schwartz" would have saved me loads of time come pilot season. 3. I learned that no matter how you ask, no matter which one you are talking to, you will never get an American Idol castoff to pick their favorite to win. Good manners, you say? Top-secret contract clause, I theorize. 4. I learned that unless a new series holds onto about 10 million viewers, it's a goner. (Unless it's a kickass comedy starring Tina Fey or the stellar Friday Night Lights.) 5. I learned that Rob Lowe simply doesn't age. 6. I learned how to spell Dannielynn. Boy, did I. 7. I (or rather my e-mail box) learned that Supernatural fans really, really, really want to see Sam and Dean hug. 8. I learned that the show you could never imagine cutting from your play list, you actually can, and with little pain. Case in point: Desperate Housewives. 9. I learned that when it comes to merging two small networks into one, the whole is unquestionably lesser than the sum of its parts. 10. I learned that a half-dozen law enforcement and/or super-secret government cabals can be bested by one man with a plan and a full-torso tattoo. 11. I learned that I cannot get away with omitting Medium in a ratings recap. 12. I learned that talking softly in an abruptly-changed meeting place is a masterful negotiation skill. 13. I learned at the CBS upfront that, apparently, David Caruso is in on the joke. 14. I learned that the actor you think will be a great Interviews & Features Q&A isn't always, while the one you dread and/or anticipate will be a clinker very often will instead kick butt. 15. I learned that the power to read people's thoughts bears an uncanny resemblance to having swimmer's ear. 16. I learned that should I ever question just how meaningless the networks consider Saturday-night programming to be, I'll just remember the Fox upfront presentation, where the Saturday grid was on screen for all of four seconds. 17. I learned that some TV-show promotional materials are simply wasteful. Exhibit A: the life preserver under my desk. 18. I learned that some promotional materials are rather tasty. Exhibit B: On the Lot's popcorn bucket full of movie candy. 19. I learned that when it comes to Jack Bauer, there are bad days and then there are bad days. And last but not least: 20. I learned about a little-known Canadian pop tart by the name of Robin Sparkles. She makes me want to go to the mall... and do bad things.