In his first episode of The Walking Dead, right as he was about to bring his bat down on his first victim's head, Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) said, "You can cry. Hell, you're going to be doing a lot of that."
But they'd been crying long before he got there, and they've continued to cry long after that. In fact, when they're not killing zombies or each other, one of the main things the characters on The Walking Dead do is cry.
Just about everybody gets their chance to turn on the waterworks. We've seen so many people cry on this show that we can say with certainty who's best at it. This isn't a ranked list, but there is a No. 1. Character and performance have each been taken into account. You may be surprised by our choice, and if you disagree, well, you can breathe, you can blink...
First things first:
It's not Michonne (Danai Gurira). Too low-key, and doesn't happen often enough.
Lack of frequency also disqualifies Rosita (Christian Serratos),
Sasha (Sonequa Martin-Green),
and Andrea (Laurie Holden).
And you and I both know it's not Carl (Chandler Riggs).
Now we're getting to the good ones. The Governor (David Morrissey) gets points for crying with an eyeful of glass — and not even about that glass.
Maggie (Lauren Cohan) is a great crier, partially because she has a larger-than-average mouth.
Beth (Emily Kinney) once shot an assault rifle while sobbing, which is pretty cool. (Maggie did this too, but you expect that kind of thing from Maggie, you know?)
Glenn (Steven Yeun) was a great crier before his eye popped out.
Melissa McBride is the best actor on the show, so Carol's tears are always affecting, but she's too good to top this list. We're not looking for subtlety.
No, we're looking for something more like when Daryl (Norman Reedus) cries.
He's the most memeable crier on the show.
Now we're at the tippy-top tier. No one goes bigger with their emotional outbursts than Rick (Andrew Lincoln).
Rick only cries during times of great stress, and Andy makes the most of his opportunities. Look at that snot! That's some good-ass snot acting!
But Rick is not the best crier. That would be too obvious. No, the best crier is the man who is almost constantly crying.
Eugene Porter (Josh McDermitt) has been leaking water out of his eyes nonstop since he met Negan.
He tops the list because his tears are an important part of his character. He's always scared. He's not cut out for this world. And he's not going to put up a front like he is. But that doesn't stop him from doing what he has to do. Bravery means acting courageously even though you're scared.
Plus, he has a signature crying move.
So kudos to you, Haircut. You're the creme de la cry.
The Walking Dead returns Sunday, Feb. 12 at 9/8c on AMC.