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The Bachelorette Showed Us Why These Guys Are Like This


Liam Mathews

It was hometown dates week on The Bachelorette, as Hannah Brown met the people who made her guys like this. It wasn't as enlightening with some of the guys as we would have wanted, and mostly it was pretty boring. Not every hometown can be Rachel and Dean's.

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The episode started with Pilot Peter. You're not going to believe this, but he took her for a ride in his plane. I never would have predicted it. First, though, he took her for a ride in his Mercedes, which honestly is not that impressive. It's a pretty normal car. It was pretty funny when Hannah went through his center console and found a condom, though. Going through someone's center console seems like something Hannah would think is funny, and I would not be surprised if she did that without producer suggestion. Her nose got so red when she was in the plane with Pilot Peter. Hannah's nose turns red when she gets excited.

Pilot Peter's parents, Barbara and Pilot Peter Sr., served Cuban food and did a German blessing before dinner. They're very in touch with their heritage on both sides of the family, I guess. Pilot Peter got choked up while he was giving a toast and talking about the people who couldn't be there. It was sweet. Pilot Peter's brother asked Hannah if she was in love with his brother, and she said not yet, but getting there. Pilot Peter told his mom that he was in love with her, though, but hasn't told her. She said she was so proud of him and loved him so much, but she was worried he was going to get his heart broken. She told Hannah that, and Hannah told her that it could be Pilot Peter at the end of it all. Pilot Peter Sr. looks like an actor from the '70s. I guess he's a pilot, not an actor, but his sons were both child actors, so he's peripherally connected to the biz. Jack Weber was Michael Chiklis' son on The Shield! Anyway, Pilot Peter didn't tell Hannah he loved her after the fact that he hadn't was mentioned several times, so he's done. Hannah's gonna feel like she's further along with the other guys.

Next up was Tyler, and we finally got to meet the Pops Tyler's been talking about. But first, we watched Tyler and Hannah rub sunscreen all over each other. He showed her Jupiter, Florida, by boat. Hannah said it was "paradise," and imagining a future in Jupiter was exciting to her. Future president of the condo association Hannah Brown. At 24 years old, she's looking very far into the future. Tyler's Pops is very sick, and Tyler was very happy to see him, and see him looking healthier. It was the most emotional we've seen Tyler. And Tyler's dad was very happy to see his son so happy with Hannah.

Next up was Luuuuuke. Instead of doing something fun, Luke took her to "Sunday school," which is like pre-church church. She and all of Luke's friends(?) or church associates(??) gathered in a diner to listen to him testify about how God came to him in the shower and saved him from a life of sin, drinking, and chasing sex. It didn't seem like they knew him very well. The nice things they were saying about him felt pretty surface. And then they all prayed together. It was one of the worst dates I've ever seen.

Then they met Luke's family. Hannah instantly connected with Luke's 96-year-old great-grandmother. They told his family all about how it started great and then went downhill. Hannah was like, "No one liked Luke and we were all miserable," and his family stared like "Is this the Luke we know?" It was hard to tell if they were surprised or like, "Yeah, that sounds like Luke." They said it wasn't, but I don't know. Luke's dad was like, "You're lucky this girl is into you." But his family insisted the Luke on the show wasn't the real Luke. It was surprisingly boring. I didn't feel like I got as much insight into Luke from this as I wanted -- unless you read between the lines and see his family as defending him even when he's totally wrong, which could be why he's like this. But Hannah is falling in love with him. Whatever, dude.

Next up was Jed, who took her to a recording studio and had Hannah write a song with him. He's available to write for you, just contact his manager. "Every girl in their wildest dreams wants a guy to write a song about them," Hannah said. Has Hannah gone 24 years without a guy writing a song for her? I'm a little surprised by that. Then they sang and recorded the song together. And with the cans still on, Jed told her he was in love with her. And he cried a little bit. It seemed sincere, but it did happen in the midst of Jed trying to show off as a musician.

Jed's dad had on one of the uglier shirts I've seen on this show. It was like a denim Western shirt with a cruciform embroidered on the back. Very bad. Worst dad shirt since Colton's dad's shirt. Hannah told Jed's mom that she's told him she's falling in love with him, which is not something she tells everyone. And Jed's mom basically told Hannah that Jed's very focused on his music career, maybe more than having a relationship. She was basically like, "The life of a musician is a slutty one, and my son is a musician." And Jed's very tan sister went ice mode on Hannah, telling her that falling in love with Hannah is probably a bad thing because it's going to distract him from his music. Jed's mom told him that she didn't see it working out. Hannah was surprised that she didn't get the validation she was anticipating.

They returned to Bachelor Mansion for the rose ceremony, which probably means Pilot Peter's hometown date was actually filmed last, because he's from Los Angeles. Three roses, four men. Pilot Peter got the first rose. Tyler got the second. I got a little stressed in the long beat before the final rose, like "oh my God, is this really the night Luke goes home?" But not as stressed as Hannah. She started to cry and walked into her green room. She couldn't do it. Chris Harrison came in to see if she was OK, and she said no.

Hannah didn't feel like she'd had enough time with any of the four guys. Whoever she eliminated, she'd be closing the door on a relationship that isn't done yet. She didn't have clarity on what the right decision was, so she couldn't choose. She went back to the guys and told the guys she wasn't ready to give out a final rose. Chris Harrison came in and sighed and gave Hannah "the roses she asked for." Twist! She gave both Luke and Jed roses. The final four gets extended a week. Wow. So is she taking all four guys to fantasy suites? Jed was pissed that it was down to him and Luke and Hannah couldn't choose.

Well, we know Luke goes home next week.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC. It's available to stream on Hulu.