This week, The Bachelorette sent JoJo Fletcher to sweltering Thailand with her last three boys. These were high-stakes dates, with overnights in the euphemistic fantasy suites. Jordan and Robby got to spend the night and received roses at the end of the week, while Chase was eliminated despite finally showing some signs of life.
Before all that, though, there was the conclusion to last week's cliff-hanger, where Luke got sent packing during the rose ceremony before they went to Thailand. He was not expecting to be eliminated, especially after his swaggy move of pulling her aside and telling her he loved her right before she announced her choices. But her pre-ceremony confession that she was going to say goodbye to Luke held true. Luke was sad, but being the next Bachelor should be consolation. This episode even set up a narrative for him, where The Bachelorette made him realize that he needs to learn how to better communicate his feelings, and The Bachelor will help him do that.
Anyway, there were a lot of awkward moments this week, so let's get to them.
8. Chase and the fish
Chase showed off a goofy side we'd never seen before this week. He and JoJo came upon a table full of drying fish, and he picked one up and pretended to eat it like a seal. It dripped on his shirt, and JoJo said he smelled like fish now, to which he replied, "no, you smell," just like a kindergartner would. (I don't meant that in a bad way; I thought it was funny.) Then she told him to kiss the fish on the lips, and he did. Right after he did it, he said, "that was weird." I think he surprised himself with how goofy he got. It's gross and awkward to kiss a dead fish, even if it helps the audience relate to you better as a real person.
7. No kissing in the temple
Robby's date was pretty unmemorable, but Jordan's made up for it. Joelle F. and the former pro quarterback went into a Buddhist temple where kissing was forbidden. The producers threw them a curveball, because they knew these two are basically connected at the lips. They had to talk to each other instead of sucking face, which of course led to some more awkward stuff.
JoJo said that she and Jordan had "chemistry" four times by my count, but I may have missed some because I started thinking about what it would be like if Jesse Pinkman from Breaking Bad was on The Bachelorette. I think his sad-eyed charm would get him to Week 4 before his emotional volatility got the best of him.
5. Jordan spouting some true nonsense
My bullsh-- detector was beeping off the hook when Jordan kept talking about how important it was to him to get a woman's father's approval before asking her to marry him. Unless Jordan Rodgers is a Sean Lowe-level family values choirboy, he was lying to ingratiate himself to... JoJo, I guess? She said she loved how traditional he was, so maybe it was a good move, but she's so infatuated with him at this point that he could say "my favorite snack is boogers" and she'd be like, "awww, so cute." I tried to transcribe what he babbled about wanting to look JoJo's father in the eye, but it made so little sense that reproducing it here would just confuse you so much that you'd stop reading. "Is this guy too good to be true?" JoJo wondered, to which the answer is of course "yes, duh."
4. JoJo is not afraid to ask the impossible questions
During that conversation, JoJo brought up her concern that Jordan's lifestyle leads to a rootlessness that makes it easy for him to cut and run. She doesn't want to choose him only to have him disappear in six months. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he replied. "Ahh, that's what Ben said," JoJo replied SO disrespectfully. Jordan showed admirable restraint by not saying "who do you think you're talking to?" How does he know he wants to spend the rest of her life, she asks him, which is literally impossible to answer verbally. Does she think he can share his consciousness with her like how the IT department can remotely take over your computer? She should ask him to kill Robby as a test of his love. That might prove that he's really about this Bachelorette life.
3. Chase eliminated
Poor Chase. He finally opened his heart, and JoJo was like, "actually no, sorry, bye." On their date, they went up to the fantasy suite, and he told her he loved her for the first time. She realized that the feeling was not mutual and told him that she had to send him home. One minute he was about to consummate, and the next he was drinking a sad beer in a van ostensibly on the way to the airport. "I'm skewered, I'm shattered," he told her. She told him that she didn't want the emotional blindsiding that happened to her with Ben to happen to him. She wanted to treat him fairly and respectfully, and he was like, "no, you did me dirty just now," which, he's exaggerating. What Ben did to JoJo on The Bachelor last season was much worse than this. He told her he loved her, slept with her, then told her he loved somebody else more. That was much worse. Chase looked petulant in that moment. He was hurt, though. Poor Chase, for real.
2. Chase returns
We thought that van was taking him to the airport, but, twist! He showed up during the rose ceremony. It seemed like he was about to confront JoJo, but instead he said he's not mad and told her he wished the best for her, and also that she was wrong to not choose him and if she changes her mind, let him know. It was actually pretty sweet. What I really didn't like is how badly this show treats its star. JoJo didn't know that Chase was coming back, so when he showed up she got panicky. The producers put undue stress on JoJo in an already stressful moment. They made her cry in what should have been a happy moment with her two favorite guys. Would the producers of Scandal stress out Kerry Washington like that? I think not!
1. It's so hot in Thailand!
On every date they mentioned how sweaty and gross they were. During the final rose ceremony, Robby and Jordan were both dabbing their foreheads with handkerchiefs. Robby's shirt in particular was soaked. Even Chris Harrison sweat through his shirt. It was too hot! It was probably really hard to get the shots they wanted, because everyone was so shiny and self-conscious! It's hard to project a glamorous fantasy when you're so hot that standing in a courtyard makes you sweat like you're playing basketball!
Wheee, that was fun! Tuesday is the second night 0f this back-to-back, and it's the Men Tell All. Chad's gonna be there and he's dressed in all black because he's a hilariously self-aware villain. Then next week it's the finale!