The Bachelorette: So, Uh, Colton's a Virgin

This week, The Bachelorette was like "let's talk about sex, baby." Specifically, not having it.

As it turns out, and as had been alluded to before, Colton, a former NFL player, is a virgin. It's a personal choice, obviously. Colton is volcel. And that's a hard conversation to have at age 26.

Colton got the first 1-on-1 date of the night, and whether or not he was going to tell Becca about his lack of sexual history was all the other guys could talk about. They were all Paul Rudd and Seth Rogen.

But Becca thinks Colton is really hot, man. She said he's a "bronze god" with blonde hair and hard muscles.

"He could pick me up and do whatever," she said.

On the date, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. They were in the Bahamas, and they were out on a boat -- did they do the "I'm king of the world!" Titanic thing? You know they did! -- and they spent most of the time on the boat making out, pressing up on each other in their bathing suits. She had her hand on his inner thigh, and he had his hand on her butt. It was pushing the limits of TV-PG.

But as he was about to tell her, a guy named Action pulled up in a speedboat and made them fish for conch, "the Bahamian Viagra." The conch pistol is supposedly an aphrodisiac, because the producers really want to make Colton squirm. "I don't think Colton and I need any aphrodisiacs," Becca said. He didn't find the moment to make his disclosure.

He had to wait until the dinner portion of the date. She said she thought they were in a good place while she was looking at him like he was a shnack. But how does he feel? He felt like he had something to tell her. Until recently, he said, his whole life had been about football, and he'd neglected his personal life. "And because of that," he said, "I am a virgin."

"Really?" Becca said, not understanding how someone so hot could have gone 26 years without getting his bones jumped. She didn't know how to react. She had kind of a neutral, concerned face. It was like she was trying not to make any face that could be construed as judgmental. She said something gibberishy about not wanting to pressure him, and then she needed some air. Becca said on Twitter that the editing of her reaction was a little misleading.

Back at the hotel, Blake didn't think Colton's dilemma would be a dealbreaker, but they would have to talk about it, while Garrett didn't think she'd give Colton a rose because of it. Too cocky, dude.

But on the date, she came back in and said she knew it wasn't easy for him to talk about that. She asked about his ex-girlfriend (Aly Raisman, presumably), who he told her he had been in love with. He said it had been a roadblock in their relationship. I bet Aly Raisman would prefer he didn't talk about all this, but Colton lives for the cameras, man.

He said that he made up lies about his sexual exploits to fit in in locker rooms. He didn't say the words "locker room talk," but he was talking about locker room talk. Wild.

I thought it was weird that he wouldn't say he was voluntarily celibate for religious reasons, because that's probably why, but then he said he wasn't waiting for marriage, just for the right person, so maybe it's not necessarily a religious thing? His exact phrase was "I'm not waiting for marriage, I'm waiting for the right heart," which was a cute turn of phrase. He also said "I want that to be a gift I want to give to someone," which, c'mon, bro. It will not be a gift. It will be very bad.

"I appreciate someone who takes that so seriously," Becca said, and gave him a rose.

It seems like Becca might be willing to deflower our football boy.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.