On Monday night's Late Show, Stephen Colbert granted Donald Trump's request for more balanced coverage with help from an old friend: Jon Stewart. The former Daily Show host was tasked with saying something nice about Trump as a balance to Colbert's pointed insults.
"Donald Trump thinks we should give equal time on a comedy show even though the election is over. Kind of like if The Big Bang Theory was immediately followed by the Creationist Bazinga Fun Time Hour starring Jesus and his roommate, a T-Rex. Look out for the spin-off, Young Jesus," Colbert joked.
When it was Stewart's turn to say something positive, he ran into a bit of trouble coming up with exactly what to say. "Can I have more time?" he asked before adding (after a long pause), "Donald Trump... is not a cannibal."
Colbert went on to address Trump's photo-op in Puerto Rico in which the president said, while surrounded by members of the military, that it was "the calm before the storm" and Stewart just couldn't keep it together any longer.
"What the f--- is wrong with this guy?" the comedian ranted. "Will Trump give humanity the rose? Will civilization make it to the fantasy suite? And calm before the storm? How is all this not the storm? And what kind of a sociopath would use that terminology when people are still literally cleaning up from storms? I'm sorry, I couldn't be positive. I can't do it."
He then turned his duties over to Colbert who, like Stewart, had trouble coming up with positive epithets. "Can I have more time?" Colbert asked before finally settling on, "Donald Trump...is not...a cannibal."
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert airs weeknights at 11:35/10:35c on CBS.
(Full disclosure: TV Guide is owned by CBS.)