Sharknado 5's Cameos Are a D-List Dream

Summertime means three things: your air conditioner will inevitably break, wild children with no structure as far as the eye can see, and a forecast for more sky funnels filled with man-eating fish.

Sharknadois back, whether you want it or not.

Syfy today officially announced the title and tagline for Sharknado 5, as well as the premiere date and a list of guest-starring "celebs" that would make Celebrity Rehab jealous. Sharknado 5 will premiere Sunday, Aug. 6 at 8/7c and be dubbed Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, and carry the Trumpian tagline of "Make America Bait Again." You're probably letting out an audible groan, but come on, those are pretty darned good. And given the political bent of the title and tagline, I'd say there's a 500-percent chance that a Trump impersonator will find himself in the belly of a mako.

The premise of this year's film sees Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) scramble around the globe to find their son, who was sucked up into a sharknado and sharknadoed all over the world. They'll visit Rio, Tokyo, Rome, Amsterdam and London, and hopefully spread the message that global warming is a really big deal by making light of it with rampant sharknadoes.

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As for the celebrity cameos, prepare to be both underwhelmed and freakin' excited, because it's wild! Fabio will play THE POPE, pro skater Tony Hawk will play a "masterful weapons operative strategist" which sounds like four words strung together that sound cool, former American Idol crooner Clay Aiken will play a tech genius, Olivia Newton-John and daughter Chloe Lattanzi will play scientists, Charo will play The Queen of England and Chris Kattan will play the Prime Minister of England. Yes, those last two were early rejects from this season's of Dancing with the Stars. (No role for Nick Viall?)

Also appearing will be Bret Michaels, Margaret Cho, Gilbert Gottfried, Al Roker, Kathie Lee Gifford, Hoda Kotb, Greg Louganis, Tom Daley, Gus Kenworthy, Porsha Williams, Tiffany "New York" Pollard, Cat Greenleaf, Dan Fogler and Ross Mullan. Syfy's press release threatens that there will be "many more" as well.

I have so many emotions about this I don't even know where to start.

Sharkando 5: Global Swarming premieres Aug. 6 at 8/7c on Syfy.