One of my favorite parts of my job here at TV Guide — and this is, I swear to you, not a joke — is reading through episode descriptions for CBS' Scorpion. As part of our daily "Five Things To Watch Today" video series, I sift through dozens of shows to pick those scant few we're going to feature — and every Monday, reading the blurbs for Scorpion is my favorite part of this herculean task.
Part of the reason is, full disclosure, up until this point I've never watched the show. As a devotee of NBC's late SMASH, you'd think I'd follow star Katharine McPhee anywhere. But way back in 2014, the initial promos made it seem like your regular ol' case of the week procedural. I knew the show had something to do with hackers, and was based on the real adventures of computer expert Walter O'Brien... So I filed it under "serious, intense crime drama," and in the intervening three years, had never gotten around to checking out an episode.
But the descriptions of individual episodes, particularly from the currently in progress fourth season, are so over the top and delightfully insane that I became compelled to watch. And they are truly doing the most. If you don't believe me, take the below quiz — and see if you can figure out which is the real Scorpion episode description, and which is one I made up while completely high on mushrooms.
[Note: check at the bottom to see which blurbs are real, and which ones I made up!]
1. The team searches for an endangered monkey hiding in the Amazon in hopes of uncovering a cure for a dangerous virus. Meanwhile, Happy and Toby meet with a counselor to prepare for their marriage.
2. Sylvester competes on The Price is Right. Later, the team must infiltrate a high-end car-smuggling operation that's preparing to ship bioweapons to South America.
3. While tracking a device that can prevent a nuclear meltdown through the Los Angeles sewers, Walter learns the nuances of listening and not offering advice to Paige. Also, Team Scorpion meets Florence, their new neighbor at the garage, after she sends a mix of smelly chemicals through their shared ventilation as a warning to keep the noise down.
4. The team must defy the orders of a foreign government after they retrieve an asteroid from space containing DNA strands that could have deadly consequences once exposed.
5. Walter's forced to swim through the deadly La Brea Tar Pits in order to save a woman who's trapped in the tar before she runs out of oxygen. Elsewhere, Veronica helps Ralph with his troop's cookie sale, unbeknownst to Paige.
6. Team Scorpion takes a case on Halloween to prove the existence of ghosts on the Queen Mary, but find an all-too-real disaster when they locate a "ghost ship" on a deadly collision course. Meanwhile, Walter considers taking note of Paige's interests to benefit their relationship.
7. Poachers almost kill a pregnant endangered deer, so Team Scorpion recreates the animal's womb to save it and its baby's life. Meanwhile, Happy and Toby discuss the future of their family.
8. Team Scorpion's latest job to find sunken treasure goes amiss when Walter and Paige's boat explodes, leaving them stranded in the Pacific Ocean surrounded by sharks.
9. On Thanksgiving, Team Scorpion's new neighbor, Florence, joins them at sea on a mission to destroy a floating island of trash, but her flawed contribution leaves her, Walter and Happy stranded on the quickly dissolving island. Also, Toby works with Cabe to uncover the details of his father's death that he has suppressed since he was a boy.
10. Walter is accidentally launched into space, where he hallucinates about Paige as his oxygen runs low. Meanwhile, the team rushes to return him to Earth before he suffocates.
11. The team ventures into a vast cave system to prevent a bat population from destroying the North American ecosystem before Halloween.
12. For Sylvester's birthday, Team Scorpion visits a renaissance festival, but the revelry is cut short when a group tries to rob a nearby police evidence locker. Also, Paige grows weary of Walter's play-by-play of all the festival's historical inaccuracies.
13. Happy, Sylvester and Cabe need saving from their own fear-based hallucinations when their mission to safeguard a vital seed bank goes out of kilter.
ANSWER: They're all real. Every last one. I didn't make up any of this. That's how delightfully insane the show truly is. Don't believe me? Check out the episodes, below.
1. Season 3, Episode 19: "Monkey See, Monkey Poo"
2. Season 2, Episode 18: "The Fast & The Nerdiest"
3. Season 4, Episode 7: "Go With The Flo(Rence)"
4. Season 3, Episode 21: "Rock Block"
5. Season 3, Episode 10: "This is the Pits"
6. Season 4, Episode 6: "Queen Scary"
7. Season 4, Episode 3: "Grow a Deer, a Female Deer"
8. Season 3, Episode 15: "Sharknerdo"
9. Season 4, Episode 10: "It's Raining Men (Of War)"
10. Season 3, Episode 3: "It Isn't the Fall That Kills You"
11. Season 3, Episode 6: "Bat Poop Crazy"
12. Season 4, Episode 9: "Faire is Foul"
13. Season 3, Episode 17: "Dirty Seeds, Done Dirt Cheap"
Scorpion airs on CBS on Mondays at 10/9c.
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