Michael Keaton appeared in the sketch as Julian Assange, the founder and face of Wikileaks who was arrested last week after being expelled from his asylum hideaway at the Ecuadorian embassy in London.
There were a couple of other famous faces in the holding cell at Chino Correctional Facility here — most notably, TV star Lori Loughlin (played by Kate McKinnon), who now faces even more charges after refusing to strike a plea deal over her part in the so-called Varsity Blues college admissions scam, had her fellow jailees squirming over her crimes.
"I paid 500,000 grand to get my daughter into USC," she boasts in the skit. "That's not including the 300 grand I blew on tuition ... And you know what her job is now? She's an influencer on Instagram." As intimidating as her crimes are to even the finger-eating murderer in custody with her, NotLoughlin's real claim to toughness is the items on her filmography.
"You think prison is hard? I've done 68 Hallmark movies. I've seen hell, man. And in half those Hallmark movies, I marry Santa's son, so I have lost all sense of reality." That's ... not that much of an exaggeration, although the network has since moved on from the actress in real life.
After a few fun, albeit obvious Aunt Becky puns, embattled attorney Michael Avenatti (Pete Davidson) then gets a chance to stake his claim for the craziest suspect in the cell. "Bitch, I'm accused of crimes you couldn't even conceive of, like blackmailing a sneaker company and stealing taxes from a coffee shop to fund a race car team. And I'm so shady that a porn star once said that she needed to distance herself from me," he exclaims.
Even he is no match for Keaton's Assange, though, as he waltzes in and brags about how far he's gotten in the world order-toppling game.
"That's right, it's me. I'm the architect of anarchy. I'm the king of chaos. I'm the scourge of the cleaning staff at the Ecuadorian embassy," he says. "Here's how crazy I am. I'm wanted in the US and Sweden. I'm from Australia. I live in London in Ecuador — you try figuring that one out. Yeah, you cheat your schools, and you rob your companies. That's cute. It is. I've attacked the US military, bitches, 'cause I'm an actual James Bond supervillain. And I'm one step away from destroying the goddamn world." And here we thought the lady from the Hallmark movies was scary.
Saturday Night Live airs live at 11:30/10:30c on NBC.