Question: Seeing as this column is the freshest and funniest thing I've seen in ages, why not take it further. Perhaps a sitcom? Just think of it: You, the star, a television columnist torn between his love for his TiVo and his newfound friendship with his single, next-door neighbors (played by Keri and Mariska). I can see the set now, dotted with vintage Smurf decor. Perhaps it could air in the old Tru Calling time slot? I'd watch! — Doug R.

Ausiello: You're gonna put me on Thursday night opposite CSI and The Apprentice!?!? Thanks for nothing.