Patrick Swayze Patrick Swayze

Once Patrick Swayze found out he had pancreatic cancer, he knew he knew he had received "a death sentence."

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His audiobook Time of My Life comes out Tuesday from Simon & Schuster, and offers Swayze's thoughts on his illness and career, according to People. He narrates it along with wife Lisa Niemi

Swayze, who fought the disease while starring in A&E's The Beast,  recalls how he fell into a state of "anger, bitterness and despair" after learning his time to live was limited to only a few months.

Swayze first announced his cancer diagnosis in spring 2008, and wrote the memoirs in June 2009 at his New Mexico home. The Dirty Dancing star died Sept. 14 at 57.

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"Now, a lot of things go through your head when you get a death sentence handed to you, starting with: 'Why me?'" says Swayze. "It's hard not to sink into bitterness ... For me, that initial shock quickly turned into self-criticism and blame."

Swayze, who says he "was not ready to go," also recalled some of the high points of his career, including the pottery-making scene with Demi Moore in Ghost.

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"We really made up the scene as we went along," he says. "It was pretty sexy playing in all that clay, so all we had to do was go with it ... She was very warm, much warmer than she'd been in the other scenes we'd been in together."