Ex marks the spot on next Tuesday's episode of New Girl(9/8c, Fox), when Jess (Zooey Deschanel) runs into not one but two of her past love interests: Bearclaw and Paul. Still fresh off her breakup with Ryan, now seems like the perfect time to take a peek inside Jess' little black book. Where do Paul and Bearclaw rank? And Ryan? And, most importantly, Nick? Find out and weigh in on our ranking in the comments below:
9. Spencer (Ian Wolterstorff): Jess dated him for six years, and even lived with him. Unfortunately, when she came home early from a trip - dressed in nothing but a trenchcoat, mind you - she found out he was cheating on her. Total slimeball.
8. Matt (Alan Ritchson): He was in one episode called "Micro" and he had an "endowment problem." Moving on...
7. Russell (Dermot Mulroney): If one is going to go for the older man/hot dad type, Russell is definitely it in all caps. He is mature, but he was able to kick it and play True American with the best of 'em. He is confident in who he is and didn't try to turn Jess into something she wasn't. The only red flag with Russell? His still-fiery connection with his ex-wife Ouli (Jeanne Tripplehorn). The only thing worse than having to compete with a guy's mom is having to compete with his ex-wife. Next!
6. Paul (Justin Long): Jess and her music teacher beau may have been almost too much alike. Most of Jess' friends thought of dorky, awkward, emotional Paul as the male version of Jess, and it's hard to argue. The only thing they couldn't see eye-to-eye on was their commitment to one another. When Paul said the three words every girl is supposed to want to hear, "I love you," Jess ran for the hills. If those feelings weren't there then, they probably never will be. Also: He cheated on his girlfriend, Jenn, at the end of Season 1, to be with Jess. Minus 5 points.
5. Oliver (Ryan Kwanten): Sure, he and Jess had absolutely nothing in common. But look at him! If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
4. Bearclaw (Josh Gad): Jess and Bearclaw met when she accidentally sent dirty texts meant for Nick's friend Andy to him. Bearclaw fell head over heels and wasn't afraid to tell Jess how he felt. Jess, on the other hand, lied to him about being sick so she could meet up with Sam. So Jess totally owes him for being a jerk, and also, hello, Frozen money!
3. Nick (Jake Johnson): We can already see the angry tweets lining up, but hear us out for a second. For all of Nick's good qualities — salt-of-the-earth, funny, smart if he applies himself, they love each other, blah-blah-blah — there are also a lot of cons on his list. He's her roommate and apparently moving out of the loft for either one of them is not an option at all. He is very unmotivated professionally, except for his recent business endeavor with Schmidt. And, worst of all, Nick has huge anger issues that totally clash with Jess' hopelessly optimistic worldview. And not clash in a good way.
2. Ryan (Julian Morris): Most initially saw this Brit as strictly a rebound guy for Jess, but it didn't take long for Ryan to impress. He's cute, charming, great with kids, expressive about his feelings and extremely intelligent. But, as his tendency to get "saucy" after one glass of red wine proves, he may have been just the right amount of weird to keep up with Jess without going overboard. He recently move back to England, so his heart clearly lies thousands and thousands of miles away from Jess' childhood home in Portland and new home in Los Angeles. Either that or he'll be putting work before his personal life for a long time, and that just isn't Jess' style.
1. Sam (David Walton): Romantic comedies are always trying to tell us how much girls love "fixing" guys, and there is no better fixer-upper than Sam. The womanizing, commitment-phobic pediatrician only settled down after Jess came clean with her feelings for him. And for a while there, they seemed to have a monogamous relationship that was the perfect balance of raw passion and genuine commitment. The only reason they couldn't make it work was Nick. (See No. 3).
New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox. What do you think of our rankings?
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