Our top moments of the week:
11. Best Arrival: Viewers say goodbye to 24/7 soccer coverage and hello to FX's new sister channel, FXX, in appropriate fashion. When FXX officially kicks off at 7 a.m. Monday morning, the reception begins to go out and the game footage interchanges with an image of a black leather couch. Suddenly, the black leather couch begins to move and out from the seams bursts a very hot and a very naked Danny DeVito in a classic It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia clip. Goal!
10. Most Surprising Twist: Mistresses' Karen thinks her nightmare is over after the wrongful-death lawsuit against her is dismissed, but then her medical license gets suspended for six months. Who ratted her out for sleeping with Thomas (not to mention helping him die)? Not Elizabeth, but her business partner Jacob! "I'm the one who turned you in, Karen," he tells her. "For months, Karen, for months, I have been sitting here like a jacka--, supporting you, trusting you. And this whole time you've been lying to my face? I don't think I can believe a word you say ever again." Good luck finding a job in six months, Karen!
9. Best (Second) Exit: Futurama already went off the air, like, three times, but Wednesday's series finale says a proper and (probably) final goodbye to the 31st century. After Fry and Leela accidentally freeze the entire universe, the two marry and spend their entire lives on one long honeymoon. Before they die, the Professor suddenly appears in a timey-wimey way and fixes the button that will send them back to their old lives without any memory of this one. "Want to go 'round again?" Fry asks his bride, to which she replies, "I do."
8. Worst Meltdown: After Big Brother super-villain, the super delusional Amanda, is put on the block alongside her showmance beau McCrae, she has an epic meltdown and launches into full "ugly cry face" mode for basically the rest of the episode. "I tried to f---ing save you for next week and you just f---ed yourself! You f---ed yourself!" she wails at HOH GinaMarie. "I don't even want to be in this house anymore. I don't even wanna be here anymore. I don't. I'd rather f---ing go home now." Of course Amanda stays, but she loses the Veto competition to McCrae, who takes himself off the block. Cue more tears. What's the matter, Amanda? Can dish it out, but can't take it?
7. Do Not Do It Yourself Award: You better redneckognize how to do a spray tan, Honey Boo Boo-style. In anticipation of Mama June and Sugar Bear's wedding on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, her friend Jennifer comes over to give the family spray tans. But this is no simple bronzing job. Instead, Jennifer uses a can of aerosol, and when Mama June points out that the spray is running, Jennifer uses a paint roller to rub it in. Wait, it gets better: We get a nice close-up of Jennifer "rolling" in Mama June's cleavage, aka her "crease." At this rate, we'd rather be an "eight."
6. There Will Be Blood Award: The dome wants blood — and apparently, it has to be Big Jim's. When the four hands touch the big dome during Under the Dome, they have a vision of Big Jim with giant stab wounds. Each of them are suddenly holding bloody knives, leading them to believe that the dome won't disappear from Chester's Mill unless the four of them kill Big Jim. Yikes.
5. Best in Show Award: Everyone shows up at Comedy Central's Roast of James Franco dressed to impress — but not even Sarah Silverman's cocktail dress or the sight of Seth Rogen in a tuxedo can top Bill Hader's ensemble. Introduced as the President of Hollywood, the SNL vet takes the stage dressed in a red jumpsuit, retro sunglasses and a white wig and uses a deep baritone voice while telling every star on stage "you're welcome." Note to Franco: This is how to bring the house down at a big event.
4. Imitation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery Award: After learning that her mom, Kris Jenner, and her stepdad, Bruce Jenner, once made a sex tape, Kourtney Kardashian and her partner Scott Disick become strangely determined to find the tape and watch it on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. When they can't find the tape — aw, shucks! — they do the most logical thing and film their own re-enactment of the sex tape while wearing wigs to look like Kris and Bruce, respectively. Just to make sure the tape is legit, they even dub Kris and Bruce's voices on the tape — tricking Bruce into thinking it's the real deal. As if we weren't scarred enough from Kim Kardashian's video.
3. Best Ad-Lib: If there's one person you don't want to hang up on, it's probably Oprah. On live TV. But that's exactly what happens to Chicago's WGN Morning News crew when the talk show queen's call is dropped mid-interview. "We are such a pack of morons," co-anchor Robin Baumbarten says. "How do we cut off the one guest we've had that people might be interested in watching?" Credit where credit is due though: The four anchors do a great job of self-deprecatingly vamping it up until they get Lady O back. But you guys so don't get a car!
2. Weirdest Americanization: Jon Stewart is back! After taking a three-month break to direct a movie in the Middle East, Stewart returns to The Daily Show a little out of touch with American pop culture. And so he gets electroshock treatment, which results in the funnyman becoming a redneck ranting about Paula Deen and Obamacare, a Smurf and Freddie Mercury, among others, before he emerges as... Miley Cyrus, tongue-wagging, twerking and all. The best part? It's frighteningly accurate.
1. What Just Happened? Award: Richard Simmons stops by Jimmy Kimmel Live and makes quite the impression. Dressed in a black suit with glitter lapels and glitter on one pant leg, Simmons' enters the room by gently stroking Kimmel's face and sitting on guest Bill Hader's lap (while sucking his thumb, we might add) before he lays down right on Kimmel's desk. Simmons tops himself by licking Kimmel's note card, giving Hader a lap dance and — for his grand finale — stripping his suit off to reveal a leotard, putting on a woman's wig and lipstick and singing for the audience before Kimmel cuts the segment short. Yeah, we don't know either.
See how Richard "explained" it on Google+: