Relatives: We love them, we hate them, we have sexy catfights with them in the pool. This was the week Big Love's Margene kissed her son, One Tree Hill's James sisters splashed out their differences and Conan O'Brien gave his corporate parents the most magnanimous goodbye imaginable. Welcome to Top Moments: We Are Family Edition.
11. Best Catfight: Taylor James returns to One Tree Hill with her sister Quinn's ex-husband in tow. A tense dinner ends with the three James sisters — Haley, Taylor and Quinn — scratching and pulling hair in the Scott family pool while the boys write a letter to the network protesting such a sleazy plot development. Ha-ha, just kidding; they drink beers and watch.
10. Best Antihero: Thursday's Fringe shows us a different side of Walter when a neo-Nazi bioterrorist steals Walter's father's research and uses it to kill. Walter ultimately subdues the perpetrator with a dose of his own toxin, but he also kills him, much to the chagrin of FBI Special Agent Broyles.
9. Best Meltdown: We get that it isn't easy to pick out fabric when the Project Runway clock is ticking, but Ping's Mood meltdown was a little much. She loses her sketchbook, her teammate Jesse and an envelope containing $500. No wonder Ping gets the pong at the end of the episode.
8. Worst Kiss: The Ben-Margene flirtation returns to Big Love with a polygamous vengeance. On her first day as a presenter on a home shopping network, Bill's third sister wife is so touched that her husband's son shows up to wish her well that she kisses him. But, like, really kisses him.
7. Best Twist: Damages never shies away from taking risks and dropping bombshells, but we still weren't prepared for the Season 3 premiere's big reveal. Tom is finally validated when Patty makes him a partner. But before the paint is dry on the Hewes & Shayes sign in the lobby, a flash-forward reveals Tom in a body bag. Talk about getting sacked!
6. Best Foreshadowing: On NCIS: Los Angeles, it's generally safe to assume that the week's case — no matter how complex and bloody — will be solved within the hour. So color us surprised when the team left the missing-persons case of kidnapped fellow agent Dom unfinished. Is he dead? Alive? We have no idea. Now that's how you plant a plot seed.
5. Kinkiest Audition: Remember former Barney & Friends star Erica Rhodes? No, of course you don't. But we're guessing you remember her American Idol audition, in which Rhodes performs an EnVogue song in a black patent-leather minidress while wielding a bullwhip. Her goal, she explains to the judges, is to show that kid stars grow up. "To be naughty little girls," guest judge Neil Patrick Harris cracks. "What's the big dream here?" Simon asks Rhodes, before mumbling under his breath, "I know what mine is." Everybody now! "I love you/you love me/Simon made this all creep-y."
4. Biggest Shock: Caprica kills off its star within the first 20 minutes of the pilot. It all starts out as a typical family drama: Fiery teen Zoe Graystone (Alessandra Torresani) is grounded after fighting with her parents. No holoband for a week! How will Zoe get back at her draconian parents? She'll unwittingly join a suicidal monotheistic cult/terrorist organization and go blow up the city's mass transit system — and die in the process! It's a digital copy of Zoe who stars on the show, but don't worry, it's way better than that S1m0ne movie.
3. Best Indiscretion: Accepting the Life Achievement Award at the 16th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards, our eternal and favorite Golden Girl Betty White schools Hollywood on how to deliver a speech that is equal parts sincerity, panache, zingers (Is Sandra Bullock plain-looking?) and, of course, a little dirty. "I am still to this day star-struck. I look out at this audience and I see so many famous faces. But what really boggles my mind is that I actually know many of you. And I've worked with quite a few. Maybe had a couple." Kudos to George Clooney for later quipping: "I think it was 1987, I did an episode of The Golden Girls, and I would like to thank Betty White for her discretion." Stay gold, Betty.
2. Realest Reality: Talk about cleaning house! First, The Bachelor's Jake shocked the ladies when he threw a rose into the fire and sent two women home instead of just one after a date. The real jaw-dropping moment, however, came when Jake abruptly walked out in the middle of the rose ceremony to ask host Chris Harrison for permission to send even more women packing — for a total of four evictees. At this rate, he may be married before the finale — if he has any women left.
1. Freest Send-Off: Whether or not you're on Team Conan, it's hard not to be moved by the speech that Conan O'Brien gives in his final moments of hosting The Tonight Show. After surprisingly kind words for NBC, he pleads with young fans who tried to save his job not to give in to cynicism. But before things get too sad, Will Ferrell and his very pregnant wife, both in hippie garb, appear with a house band like no other: Beck, ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons, Ben Harper, the Tonight Show Band and Ferrell (with O'Brien on guitar) play Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Free Bird" as the credits roll. (Lighters up, folks.)