This week on television, people revealed their true feelings. True Blood's Eric made it clear that he intended to kill Russell. Weeds' Nathalie Newman confessed that she's back in the drug trade. David Letterman opened himself up to Michael Douglas upon hearing about his cancer treatment. Tom Colicchio called a fellow chef a nerd. Real housewife Teresa Giudice lost her mind. Rachel Zoe expressed her love for client Kate Hudson. And little Mady Gosselin doesn't care that her mother is famous; she can still roll her eyes at her just like the rest of us. Welcome to Top Moments: How Do You Really Feel? Edition.
13. Best Return: IFC's Death Comes to Town (aka The Kids in the Hall's return to television) features a hilarious jury-selection scene. The Kids' Mark McKinney plays three roles. First up is a judge who announces "I may not be at my best during this trial, because someone has stolen my first-string gavel." Next he plays a potential juror who insists on listing the many absurdly named towns where he sells tractor parts — among them Sturdy Corners, Reindeer, Devil's Knee and Humbuck. "Now," he adds. "Here's where I won't sell tractor parts." The scene's kicker would be the return of McKinney's Chicken Lady, if not for the way the judge ends the proceedings. He taps his second-string gavel, and it breaks.
12. Worst Workaholic: When Entourage's Ari Gold goes into battle, his weapon is his Blackberry. So it's a big sacrifice for him when his wife forces him to leave it at home so they can have dinner in peace — especially since his archenemy Amanda is meeting with the NFL. In a scene straight out of The Godfather, he tapes the device inside the toilet tank in the restaurant bathroom. But his wife knows him too well. When she sends a waiter in to check on him, he's forced to flush his weapon.
11. Best Shock: In the closing seconds of Rescue Me's Season 6 finale, Damien — who is paralyzed and brain-damaged after the accident at the coffin warehouse fire — suddenly grabs Tommy's wrist and says, "You did this to me, Tommy." Sure, it's probably just another one of Tommy's haunting visions, but it's going to give us chills until the show's final season kicks off.
10. Best Twist of Fate: On True Blood, Eric tells Russell that drinking Sookie's part-fairy blood allows a vampire to go out during the daytime. Russell is intrigued, but insists that Eric show him how it works — or else he'll kill him. Once he sees that Eric is telling the truth (if not the whole truth), he drinks the blood too, and bolts out the front door of Fangtasia and into direct sunlight, perhaps for the first time in millennia. As the blood's effect begins to wear off, though, a charred, smoldering Eric turns to face Russell and slaps handcuffs on his nemesis. "Be brave," he says. "We'll die together."
9. Most Inevitable Backslide: Just days after Weeds' Nathalie Newman (the former Nancy Botwin) promised to give her family a "normal" life, she goes back on her promise. She buys some trimmings from a local dealer (guest star Linda Hamilton) and teaches herself, with the aid of some ice and an industrial-sized washing machine, how to make hash.
8. Best Medicine: After a lively Michael Douglas gamely answers David Letterman's questions about his Stage IV throat cancer — "the expectations are good," he reports — on The Late Show, the prickly host does something entirely out of character. "I feel like I want to do something for you. Can I do something for ya?" Dave asks. "Aw, give me a hug!" Douglas replies. And he does. It's a little hard to watch, but Letterman's intentions appear to be sincere.
7. Worst Mentor: Top Chef-testant Kelly sheepishly admits during a space-themed challenge that she once attended space camp when she was a kid. Upon hearing this news, a smirky Tom Colicchio, normally the cuddliest mentor this side of Tim Gunn, laughs and says, "That's either the coolest thing... or the nerdiest." Ouch.
6. Greatest Shot Ever, Part II: We still don't know if Roger Federer's William Tell trick shot is real, but the one he hit during his U.S Open first-round match against Argentine journeyman Brian Dabul is — mind-bogglingly so. Sprinting back to return Dabul's lob, the Swiss maestro whips a no-look, between-the-legs shot (aka a "tweener") deep into the corner for a stunning winner. It's nearly identical to a no-look tweener he made against Serb Novak Djokovic in their U.S. Open semifinal last year. Then, Federer called the shot "the greatest shot I ever hit in my life." Not anymore.
5. Best Ambition: In a Mad Menflashback, humble fur salesman Don Draper refuses to take no for an answer. After having his portfolio rejected by Roger Sterling, Don takes Roger out and apparently scores a drunken invitation to join Sterling Cooper, though Don's smirk hints there may have been no invitation. Talk about a self-made man.
4. Cutest Nickname: Sandra Bullock wins our devotion all over again during an interview on Today with Matt Lauer when we learn that her nickname for her adopted son Louis is "her little Cajun cookie." Delicious.
3. Best Fight: Putting all four Real Housewives of New Jersey under one roof for the first time in a year is asking for trouble. We already knew that Danielle Staub was radioactive, but who expected a physical confrontation between Teresa Giudice and host/Real Housewives czar Andy Cohen? When he tries to separate Teresa and Danielle after a heated exchange, Teresa throws Andy off her like a rag doll. It's not just tables she can flip.
2. Best Non-Mutual Admiration: OnThe Rachel Zoe Project, long-time client Kate Hudson invites Rachel Zoe to be her date for a fashion show in London. When Hudson arrives, Zoe goes, well, bananas. "Being with Kate makes me forget about everything in my life. Her energy is kind of intoxicating," she says. What's more, she's a big fan of her movies. "Almost Famousis everything." (Everything? What about Fool's Gold?) Hudson enjoys Zoe's non-stop adulation so much she's moved to sing. She croons Stevie Nicks' "Silver Springs" to her: "I say I loved you years ago/But tell myself you never loved me, no." Rachel dies.
1. Best Response: Is there anyone more profoundly insightful than Kate Gosselin's wizened 10-year-old daughter Mady? On this week's Kate Plus 8, Kate takes the kiddies to New York to see the Statue of Liberty. But when Mady sees that Mom is taking a turn sitting behind the wheel of the ferry boat, she knows it's not such a hot idea. "Oh no, we're all going to die in about 10 seconds," she says flatly to the camera.