Our top moments of the week:
11. Best Reveal: Leslie and Ann are forced to find a celebrity spokesperson for Sweetums' latest sports drink on Parks and Recreation so that they can break ground on the park project that spawned their friendship. After their top pick turns them down, Ann is able to work her charm with local news personality Perd Hapley and convinces him to forget about his journalistic integrity for "old time's sake." Leslie quickly realizes that Ann and Perd have a romantic history. As Ann explains, it was just drinks while she was exploring her freedom as a single woman a few years back. "And at the end, he said, 'I am going to kiss you now by putting my mouth on your mouth.' And then I ran away," Ann recalls. So Ann, tell us, is that really Chris' baby?
10. Worst First Kiss: On The Bachelor, Juan Pablo decides to stop making out with the ladies because of his 4-year-old daughter. But when Lauren S. goes in for a kiss, that excuse is more humiliating than endearing since she knows he's already played tonsil hockey with six other women. "It makes me feel like he isn't interested," she cries. You think?
9. Best Best Man:
Who needs something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue? For all the luck you need at a wedding, look to Sherlock. When John Watson picks the famed detective as best man, he delivers not just any old speech, but an epic monologue filled with uncomfortable observations, two murder mysteries and just the right amount of heart. He caps off his duties by saving one guest's life, apprehending a criminal and playing an original violin composition. Not bad, but does he do bar mitzvahs?
8. Best Discovery: Pretty Little Liars' Spencer has always been smart, but she makes a huge connection on this week's episode. After reading Ali's journals about having pie and beer with "board shorts guy" at the local college bar, Spencer heads there and finds Ezra finishing up some world famous boysenberry pie. Spooked, Ezra darts out before the waitress serves the rest of his order. So what is it? Just a big ol' bottle of beer by the name of Board Shorts Ale. How long before Spencer tells Aria the truth about her ex?
7. Worst Baby Daddy: On The Blacklist, when Red Reddington tips off Liz that The Cyprus Agency uses shady tactics to obtain babies for adoption, no one expects an operation in which college women are abducted, put in a coma-like state and used as unconscious brood mares. But that's not the worst part. It turns out that the sperm donor for all the babies is none other than the agency's founder Owen Mallory (played to creepy perfection by Campbell Scott), who spreads his tainted legacy throughout America as revenge for being rejected and returned when he was a foster child. Let's hope megalomania isn't hereditary.
6. Worst Shopping Trip: While Sean and Catherine's live Bachelor wedding goes off without a hitch, we can't say the same for one particularly cringe-worthy taped segment. Sean, a born-again virgin, awkwardly, cluelessly tries to pick out sexy lingerie for his lady to wear on their big night, including one garment noted for its "easy access" (TMI!). Fortunately, the "Honeymoon Suite" live cam ends before they get there!
5. Worst Kidnapping: On the season finale of White Collar, Neal, after learning that the FBI director refuses to lift his sentence, tells Mozzie that he's no longer above cutting his anklet and starting a new life on the run and away from the FBI. "I want my freedom anyway I can get it," Neal tells his right-hand man. Neal's wish is granted mere moments later — just not the way he hoped — when a mysterious man suddenly throws a bag over his head, tosses him into a van just and breaks off his police anklet. Bet the FBI is looking good right about now, right?
4. Worst Relapse: You knew it was only a matter of time before Joe Carroll's murderous nature would rear its ugly head again on The Following. Joe's latest victim is a man of the cloth who sealed his own fate by recognizing "Brother Darryl" as the presumed-dead serial killer during one of his frequent visits to the home of Joe's prostitute girlfriend. The cult leader savors every moment of the kill, getting a sexual, chemical thrill as he drives a knife into the man's torso in front of a horrified Mandy. And it appears that, like any addict, Joe's not going to be able to stop now that he's gotten the taste of blood again. Watch your back, Ryan!
3. Worst Death: Oh hey, Fiona wasn't dead — but she's definitely dead now. After faking her death, the former Supreme returns in the American Horror Story: Coven finale to learn the identity of the new Supreme and to steal her power. But when Cordelia completes the Seven Wonders, she zaps Fiona's power. Fiona tries to tell her daughter she loves her, but all the apologies in the world can't make up for her past transgressions. As she hugs her daughter, Fiona finally dies. And yet, does her death really matter in the grand scheme of AHS?
2. Best Performance: How I Met Your Mother fills in the blanks of The Mother's life over the past eight years, but the most poignant moment comes in the present. After turning down Louis' proposal, The Mother checks in to the Farhampton Inn, heads to the balcony and sings a beautiful rendition of "La Vie en Rose" on the ukulele that her late boyfriend Max had given her for her birthday — aka the day he died and the night Ted met Robin — in 2005. And who is listening through the balcony wall next door? Ted. "Kids, I must have heard your mom's rendition of 'La Vie en Rose' a million times over the years," Future Ted says. "But that performance, that first night I ever heard her sing, that one will always be my favorite."
1. Best Reunion: Have mercy! Bob Saget, John Stamos and Dave Coulier reprise their Full House roles (mullet, loud sweaters and all) on Late Night when they visit Jimmy Fallon in his pencil bed to alleviate his fears about taking over The Tonight Show. Between Uncle Jesse's touchiness about his hair, Mr. Woodchuck's cameo, Danny's words of wisdom, their rendition of "Teddy Bear" and a dozen other callbacks, the whole segment will take you straight back to 1990. Guys, never cut. It. Out.
What were your top moments?