Our top moments of the week:
11. Best Revenge: On Royal Pains, Evan's latest campaign stop gets off to a bad start when a local berates Evan about his platform. As he rants, a large umbrella comes loose and its sharp stake stabs the man in the behind. What a pain in the butt!
10. Message Received Award: When Brody Jenner learns that his dad, Bruce Jenner, and the rest of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians clan went on an all-expenses-paid trip to Greece without him, he reacts sensibly. He flies to Greece just to confront his stepmom, Kris Jenner. "You never return my texts," Kris tells him. "You must have the wrong number or the wrong e-mail," Brody replies. "I gotta give you my right info then. ... I wouldn't blatantly ignore you." Mama Jenner is going to be awfully surprised when she tries texting the new number he gave her.
9. Cutest New Dad: What royal baby? Jimmy Fallon and his wife Nancy welcomed their first child, daughter Winnie Rose, this week, and if there's such a thing as Cloud Ten, the Late Night host is on it. "I'm your host, Dada. ... I'm the father of a beautiful baby girl," a giddy Fallon says in his monologue. "She's so cute. ... Me and my wife are so happy. Thank you all for all the well-wishes on Facebook and Twitter and the blogs.... I hope I don't screw this up! I'm just so happy." The best part? He hasn't even cut off his hospital bracelet yet. All together now: Aw!
8. Worst Experiment: On this week's Under the Dome, the military tries to pierce the dome with a missile. But instead of leveling Chester's Mill, the dome deflects it and it chars all the surrounding land. What is the deal with this dome?
7. Worst Clean-Up Job: On The Newsroom, Maggie tries to get the YouTube video of her infamous rant at the Sex and the City bus taken down by cyber-stalking the woman who posted it. With Sloan in tow — because she's such a people person — Maggie ventures to Queens and confronts the woman at a laundromat. She successfully negotiates an agreement: Sloan will tweet about the girl's blog to her thousands of followers if she'll take down the video. The only problem? After Sloan is rude, the woman doesn't take down the video and instead blogs about her experience being stalked by Maggie and being insulted by quasi-celebrity Sloan. Since when do manners matter on the Internet?
6. Most Surprisingly Heartfelt Moment: When the stars of the Real Housewives of New Jersey head out to Lake George, N.Y., in the dead of winter to work on their fractured relationships, the tension between Teresa and her brother, Joe, finally cools down. In a surprisingly heartfelt moment for the show, Teresa starts to cry as she tells a therapist why she wants the fighting to stop. "We both have families and we want to stick together," she says. As her voice cracks and the sobbing starts, her brother Joe sweeps in and gives her a kiss on the cheek and hugs her.
5. Worst Blast from the Past: Sure, True Blood fans already knew that Terry had enlisted a friend to kill him, but we didn't think that the writers would actually go through with it. After he's glamoured to forget his PTSD, a fresh start — and a happy ending — seems possible. But the glamouring also makes him forget the hit that he put on himself. Talk about a rude reawakening.
4. Craziest Twist: Yes, Paul is alive on Mistresses. And yes, he faked his own death. He tells April that he lost his job three years ago, when he started an affair with Miranda, who got pregnant with Scotty, so he faked his own death to leave April with money. "So you left two women to mourn you and raise your children?" April asks. Well, not exactly. Paul has been living with Miranda and Scotty this whole time, and Miranda is blackmailing April now because they've fallen on hard times. Anyone got any tips on how to divorce a dead guy?
3. Funniest Afterbirth: Leave it to Stephen Colbert to impeccably skewer the ridiculously breathless coverage of the royal baby's birth. In his new Colbert Report installment, Sir Stephen Colbert Presents: Royal Afterbirth, Labour Party, Fetal Attraction, Birthing-Hips Hip-Hoorah, The Prince of Wails, Spotted Dick, It's a Boy! '013!, the funnyman points out that there is some serious news out there (like sectarian killings in Iraq), but who cares when you can go gaga over a baby?! After remarking that Kate Middleton's flawless post-birth look is the "new standard" for ladies, Colbert gives Prince William some love since he (gasp!) drove the family home himself — something that blew a few reporters' minds. "Of course, there are some major questions left unanswered ... we know he has a head, but what will be on that head?" Colbert says. "A face?" Cue Colbert's "computer-generated specu-jection" on what George Alexander Louis will look like. Hint: He's precious.
2. Most Hilarious Fight: On Devious Maids, Carmen's heretofore-unmentioned husband, Oscar, from whom she ran away to pursue a music career, pops up to bring her back to Miami. When she refuses, he starts strangling her. Enter her frenemy Odessa, who knocks Oscar out cold with her prosthetic leg! Now that's having a leg up!
1. Most Awkward Interview: Conan O'Brien can't help but ask Aubrey Plaza about her masturbation scene in her film The To Do List on Conan — and it ends up being as awkward as you'd expect. "How do you approach that kind of scene?" he asks. "How do I approach it mentally or...?" Plaza cheekily asks. "Did you work with an elite corps of masturbators?" Andy Richter asks. Things get even more uncomfortable when Plaza details how they used a ceiling-mounted camera to get a full-body shot, while the old men in the crew stood around smoking. And the director's advice? "Just masturbate like it says in the script."
What were your top moments?