Paris Hilton by Eric Charbonneau/ Paris Hilton by Eric Charbonneau/

I don't want to hate Paris Hilton. Really, I don't. (I even liked her album.) But dang, she makes it hard not to. "Someone just said that I'm adopting four blonde babies," she told People on Friday, then answered in such a way that we can only hope she never gets anywhere near a child. "That's retarded.... I want to have my own children."

The dimbulb went on to explain that she is approaching her role in the upcoming movie Repo! The Genetic Opera with a heretofore-unimaginable seriousness. "Before, I was just [acting] for fun," she confessed, "not really paying attention... not even studying my lines."

Legitimate actresses, you have my utmost understanding and support. Please step away from the ledge....