Britney Spears by Michael Caulfield/ Britney Spears by Michael Caulfield/

The phone conversation went something like this, I imagine:

Spears: It's Britney, bitch.
Choreographer: You know, I have had it with your attitude. Figure out your own VMA dance moves!

Britney Spears launched her comeback on Sunday night by opening the Video Music Awards with a lip-synched performance of "Gimme More" that can only be described as disappointing. ( See video here.) I lied; it can also be described as ill-prepared, awkward to watch and unfortunate. "It definitely could have been a lot better," the AP quotes singer-producer Akon as saying afterward. "She seemed nervous.... Instead of just blocking [the audience] out... you could tell she was thinking about it."

Spears' opener was followed by a so-so Sarah Silverman spiel featuring a recurring scatological term best left unsaid at this morning hour. Other "highlights" of the night included an off-camera (dang it!) fight between Pam Anderson's exes, triggered when Kid Rock "sucker smacked" Tommy Lee, says the Post. The scuffle led Jamie Foxx to quip onstage, "Stop all this white-on-white violence!"

POLL: Did Britney "comeback" too soon? Vote here.