Question: Hi! If you buy me a ticket to fly from Utah to NYC and back, I will totally come to your book signing this Friday.

Answer: I can get you on a FedEx flight leaving Salt Lake International Friday morning at 6:30. There's just one catch: You have to be willing to share a seat with 76 overnight Envelopes, 14 Express Small Paks and three Diagnostic Specimen Tubes. Oh, and it's BYOCP (Bring Your Own Cabin Pressure). If that sounds cool, shoot me an e-mail and I'll confirm the reservation. Should you make the trek, click here to check out just some of the free swag-with-purchase-of-Guide to TV that'll be awaiting you. (One item per customer while supplies last; first come, first serve.)