Hey, everybody, do you know what time it is? It's survey time! E-mail your replies to the address at the bottom of the page to win um uh, the chance to have me read them aloud to my coworkers. Come on, all the cool kids are doing it.
1) Is Jessica in denial or just dumb? Because now that Jason is blowing her off for secret double dates with brunette Alex, Cedric and Casey, I'm thinking our little cutie is more than just a few candlesticks-in-the-library short of a game of Clue.
2) Checking a shifty beau's cell-phone call log: Justified or juvenile? (Remember, we are talking about Jason, so Jess deserves special consideration here.)
3) Talan says he's "a good guy who finishes last," but seems quite comfy starting something with Kristin behind Taylor's back. Is he a) a liar, b) a player or c) a recovering geek who finally realized that girls will buy any line when there's a camera crew in the room?
4) Has Casey done porn? 'Cause the last time I saw hair that color involved Jenna Jameson, Jesse Jane and a carnie. You know, small hands, smells like cabbage.
5) Brunette Alex's drive-by past Jason's house: Stalker-in-training, or do we believe that she actually has friends who hang out in the park but refuse to appear on camera? (If the former, what meds should she start consuming by the manicured handful?)
6) How much do we love blonde Alex's drop butterfly earrings? And is it me, or is she secretly Liz Phair?
7) Could it be that Taylor is the only one in Orange County who gets it? Telling Talan to "go be with the whore" after he confessed his feelings for Kristin hints at a yes, but her reaction to his "I l-u-v you" kind of concerns me. Discuss.
8) Finally, who the hell is Courteney who wrote in last week bashing me for not liking this show? Try again, hon. Maybe I did confuse some of the girls. Can ya blame me? Between the Alexes and Morgans and various versions of Lauren L.C. and Lo it gets a little much. So back off or I'll have Kristin steal your boyfriend. You so know she would.