Bummer! Geraldo Rivera and Edyta Sliwinska got eliminated on Dancing With the Stars Monday night, meaning we will no longer get to enjoy his "performances." Sure, he's been painful to watch over the past two weeks, but his pity-party stories and self-depreciating jokes — he's the "only Puerto Rican in America who can't dance," after all--were starting to become a guiltily pleasure. But this is a competition and the wince-worthy comedy wasn't enough to keep him around.
Here's how the rest of the cast fared during the Latin Night episode:
Jodie Sweetin and Keo Motsepe: Samba - "Bun Up the Dance" by Dillion Francis, Skrillex
The dance Yes! Opening with Jodie was a smart choice, as she's certainly one to watch this competition. She's high-energy, and with this song, a um, hot one (sorry), Jodie was set up to win. She was giving real sensuality, with a little bit of "dutty wine" peeking through, although we could've seen a little more hip action. (I mean, no shade, but we know homegirl knows how to get down in da clurrrb.) This dance is all about winding the hips and pelvis - so that part could've used more work.
What the judges say : Bruno said she was "emerging from the flames like a shiny goddess" with Carrie Ann calling her "a fantastic dancer" who still tenses up. Yup.
The dance Whoa! Marla and all her organic-eating, alkaline-water-drinking, chakra-cleansing stuff apparently doesn't diminish sex appeal. She looked fantastic, but also slightly clumsy and rigid. She can do a mean split, or try one anyway, but still, her performance looked like something out of a community theater production of Chicago.
What the judges say Bruno complimented her sexiness, but reminded her that she can't hold back.
The dance Oh, Geraldo. It's never a good sign with you open with sympathy points - we got treated to a wince-worthy story about how his back surgery left him without feeling in his right foot. While Geraldo's dancing (if you can even call what he's doing dancing) is absolutely dreadful, he's at least bringing the comedy. His totally ridiculous parody of Donald Trump and Melania in the White House was silly enough, but the unfurling of a Mexico banner turned it into comedic gold (not really). It was like when someone adorns an ugly cast with glitter, or positions a Christmas tree just so in order to hide the fact that half of it is missing. Work with what you got, you know? Still, it wasn't enough to save him. Bye, Geraldo.
What the judges say Carrie Ann: "You did make me laugh. You have a little bit of rhythm." Never change, Carrie.
The dance Poor Mark Ballas was sidelined by an injury we saw in their preview piece. (Ballas later revealed he's awaiting results from a CT scan and look at his bones, yikes.) Alan jumped in with just two hours of rehearsal, but you certainly couldn't tell as Paige was absolutely on fire. They executed some pretty sick (and scary) over-the-shoulder throws, with Paige wrapping around him and flinging like a pro.
What the judges say Bruno reminded her, again, to not get ahead of the music - a fair point, even if it was hard to notice. After all, as Carrie Ann put it, she "destroyed that number."
The dance So much for that athletes-are-good-dancers stereotype! Brown was completely overshadowed by Sharna, looking like more of a prop than a dancer. She could perform this same routine with an inflatable pool toy, and no one would really notice.
What the judges say Bruno said he was "blessed with the right equipment " whatever that means, but he needs to apply it more, and that he lacked finesse. True, true.
The dance Aw! Kim was crying in her opening segment when Sasha told her she wasn't getting a turn right, saying that it hurt her feelings. (Lord! Now we know why that Real Housewives of Atlanta thing didn't work out.) She looks like she's having fun, but you could feel her nervousness. Her last move, where she rolled on the floor, felt ghastly.
What the judges say Carrie Ann reminded her that she's a natural performer who lights up the stage, and then said something LOL-y about being part Beyonce and part Tina Turner which, OK, Carrie Ann, sure.
The dance Nyle is one of this season's frontrunners after last week's mind-blowing performance. This performance looked good but, given last week, this routine was kind of boring. Nyle looked graceful and smooth but lacking the sharp footwork that wowed us before. This just wasn't that interesting.
What the judges say Len said it was too hectic, saying it should have been calmed down. Carrie Ann called it stunning, while Bruno said it was turned on with intensity. A mixed bag.
The dance Well, she looks awake this time, so there's that. After an opening segment that portrayed her as the queen of nonchalance, Mischa looked... less sedated in her dance. She talked in her post-routine interview about having a rough week and being thrown off by the band which, I'm sorry, Mischa, have you seen this show before?
What the judges say Bruno commended her for trying to employ a "cheeky character," but it just didn't suit the music. Carrie Ann said she looked adorable, which, considering what we're up against here, was a feat.
The dance Von is what you might call a novelty dancer: that guy that is really impressive busting out some moves after a few drinks at a wedding but can't, you know, actually dance. (See: touchdown dances.) He's totally floating by on personality, which is cool and all, but you kind of want him to show he's taking it a little more seriously.
What the judges say Carrie Ann said she wanted him to "own the floor" more. Not really the issue here, but OK.
The dance Hey now! You kind of wanted him to relax his face, but Wanya was fun, energetic and mostly on point. You could tell he was giving it his all, which made the performance all the more endearing. He'll be a fan favorite for sure and could even give Nyle a run as the male frontrunner.
What the judges say Bruno: "That is how you salsa!"
The dance Whoa, is this the same guy from last week? Karina employed a very smart strategy: turning Doug's stiff movements into an asset by designing a routine that looked like a military attack, and camouflaging him among a line of identically clad dancers. It looked good and mostly natural and set him up to win.
What the judges say Carrie nailed it: "Doug Flutie is in the game."
The dance Could Ginger could win this thing? She dances with precision, sharpness and finesse - and you actually want her to keep going after the music stops.
What the judges say Both Bruno and Carrie Ann acknowledged the fact that she made a slip-up, but kept things top-notch.
What did you think of tonight's performances?
Dancing with the Stars airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC