We know that Game of Thrones is funny sometimes, but the Season 7 premiere was even funnier than usual. There were lol-worthy moments every few minutes. But these were by far the biggest laughs of the night, ranked from guffaw to titter.
1. Sam's doo-doo montage
Did the Farrelly Brothers direct this scene? GoT engaged in some straight-up gross-out humor during this interminable montage of Sam (John Bradley) cleaning chamber pots and serving food indistinguishable from what's in the chamber pots. It probably set the record for most floating turds ever seen on TV. We were gagging and giggling at this entire sequence.
2. The Hound roasting Thoros of Myr
They could have stayed warm from the heat generated by the Hound's (Rory McCan) burns! The fully-alive Clegane brother spoke the thoughts everyone feels about dudes with top knots when he went in on Thoros of Myr's (Paul Kaye) dopey hairstyle. His wit is as sharp as his sword.
3. Smooth Tormund
We've said it before and we'll say it again: every time Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) looks at Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) is hysterical. He did it again in this episode, approaching herwith a goofy grin and even goofier swagger.
4. "Be a good lad, clean this up"
Jim Broadbent is the man.
5. Arya's dramatic irony
In the opening scene, when Arya (Maisie Williams) is impersonating Walder Frey (David Bradley), she salutes the gathered Frey kin for slaughtering their guests after inviting them into their home. The layers of irony — Arya praising these heinous acts while secretly reviling them (plus, by this point we knew all these dudes were about to get poisoned) — were as delicious as your own sons in a pie.
6. Euron talkin' trash
The new and improved Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbæk) has more beard, more eyeliner and more attitude, and he showed that off by getting in some harsh digs at Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) while proposing marriage to Cersei (Lena Headey). That "two good hands" crack was ice cold.
7. Ed Sheeran's corny cameo
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9/8c on HBO.