Friends Of course "The One with the Prom Video" is the No. 1 fan-voted episode. Not only does it give us and Phoebe's adorable marine-life-based fate analogy ("He's her lobster!"), more importantly, we are introduced to Fat Monica and Pre-Rhinoplasty ("I had a deviated septum") Rachel, who are preserved on tape getting ready for their prom. When Monica tries to explain her larger-than-life screen presence by asserting that the camera adds 10 pounds, Chandler (who actually should have seen her like this before, given other flashback episodes in which he is present) responds, "So how many cameras are actually on you?" Which is damn funny stuff — until I realize the other side of the coin: If this is true, then these three women are 10 pounds

thinner in real life than they already are on TV. A sobering thought when you consider how skinny Courteney Cox looks; but somehow an even sadder one when you compare Jennifer Aniston's once curvy physique to her current wafer-thin existence. "Keep on Truckin'" commercial Yeah, because so many truck drivers dig disco. Survivor: All-Stars Awww. Boston Rob was voted last week's Tylenol Push Through the Pain winner because "Ambuh" ended up on the opposing team. Excuse me, I'm a little queasy now. Do I qualify for the Pepto Negotiate the Nausea prize? Will & Grace Yes, Jack you must be more involved in your son's life. Elliott needs your support and encouragement. But mostly, that boy is in desperate need of a haircut. Although that's no big surprise given that his mom is played by Rosie O'Donnell. The Apprentice I'm shocked. Not by Nick and Amy's double ouster (Mom always said, "Don't s--t where you eat"), not by the Survivor-esque return of the last six castoffs and not by Carolyn's killer golf swing. No, I'm shocked at myself for being shocked by Omarosa's denial that a phone call she received during dinner with her team had anything to do with their assigned task. But just when I think it can't get any more twisted, she out and out lies when she's subsequently called on her actions by the Trump exec who phoned her with a problem. Omarosa says she never even spoke to the woman the night before, that she was merely told to get in touch with her. Um, did she not notice the camera crew that was in her face while she was taking the call? Did that falling piece of cee-ment damage her eyesight, short-term memory and conscience too? It's all too obvious that she's the ultimate sore loser — no pun intended — and that she's trying to sabotage Kwame's chances of winning, but doesn't she realize that lying on national TV isn't going to get her anywhere? Well, she might be able to find something at the White House... Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital Note to self: If I'm ever in a haunted hospital where a creepy little ghost girl keeps a humongous, disease-eating aardvark-wolverine-looking creature as a pet, don't open any unfamiliar bowling-ball bags. Didn't that chick see The Sopranos? ER I'm still bawling and I'm out of tissues. I'm also royally p----d. Finally, Weaver seemed to have found personal happiness with Sandy and their son, Henry, and the future looked bright for her dynamic character to develop a richer inner life than just being the hospital harpy. But then the writers go and kill off Sandy. And it was gut-wrenching watching Kerry stand by helplessly and crumble inside as the love of her life and the mother of their child gruesomely died before her eyes. But that's not enough tragedy for one episode, so the writers have Sandy's grieving family take Henry from Kerry, leaving her utterly alone in her sorrow. Laura Innes turned in a stellar performance (I smell an Emmy nod), but can't we torture someone else? Let's see... Chen? No, her mother just died and her father is an invalid. Gallant? No, looks like he's shipping out to war. Susan? Nope, she's been ordered to bed rest for the next five weeks. Sam? Alex's dad is back. Abby? Failed the medical board exam. Neela? Just killed a patient and any hope of a relationship with Gallant when he falsified a chart to save her butt. Well, Carter's been pretty happy lately. Maybe we can abuse him for a while. Once he comes back from Africa, of course.

The Tonight Show Obviously that guy who licked John Melendez's shoe for $5 in Times Square is a tourist. I've only lived in NYC a month and I always take my shoes off at my apartment door, something I was always somewhat insulted by prior to moving here but now require of everyone who visits my teeny tiny abode. Why? Hundreds, probably thousands of dogs — and no grass.

Quote of the night "How long should that sentence be?!" — The Daily Show's Jon Stewart's response to Condoleezza Rice's testimony that a memorandum about the presence of al-Qaida cells in the U.S. was expressed in "only a line or two."