Commander in ChiefApparently there's only room for one grown-up on this show, and she just so happens to be the president. The first teens put a fresh spin on the time-honored our-parents-are-out-of-town-so-let's-have-a-party rite of passage, with some fairly sanitized underage drinking and a little Oval Office heavy petting. (It's seen worse, right?) Naturally, little sis Amy exacts her revenge for not being invited to the big-kid shindig by hiding the Gettysburg Address. And here I figured Nicolas Cage had commandeered it to make use of that handy-dandy treasure map addendum on the back. Meanwhile, on the opposite coast, our favorite media analyst wunderkind joins the not-so-mile-high club on a grounded Air Force One for cryin' out loud (We get it, all right? Dickie loves the ladies!), and even Old Man Templeton literally gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Chocolate-chip macadamia nut, I'm guessing? So who does that leave to be the responsible one when the going gets tough and a disgruntled Desert Storm vet threatens to blow up the president's plane? The one and only Saint Mac, of course. A little terse speechifying later and whammo, we've got a terrorist in custody, no sniper fire required. See? There's nothing she can't do. I can't wait for the Winter Olympics tie-in, when as a matter of national pride and/or security, Mac's got to step in for an injured Sasha Cohen

, land a perfect triple salchow and bring home the gold. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Don't tell me you don't feel the magic, too.