Nicole Scherzinger Nicole Scherzinger

Jeers to The X Factor for giving Nicole Scherzinger her moment in the blinding spotlight.

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Perhaps as a going-away present — even Simon Cowell won't promise she'll return for Season 2 as a judge/mentor after her abdication led to Rachel Crow's weepy exit — the ex-Pussycat Doll was allowed to perform her new single, "Pretty," on the Fox fiasco's filler-packed results show. A poor woman's version of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful," the powerless ballad required Scherzinger to shriek, "I don't wanna be pretty no more!"

If her wish came true, she would bring literally nothing to the judges' table. After her performance, Cowell devastatingly parodied Scherzinger's insipid comments: "I believe in you. You believe in me. You transcend the universe. God is smiling on you. Life is a waterfall, and you are the ultimate rainbow." Careful, Simon, she might turn those lyrics into her next single!

Oh, and on your way out, Nicole, take Steve Jones with you....

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