Britney Spears by Matthew Simmons/ Britney Spears by Matthew Simmons/

The parenting coach who has been shadowing Britney Spears during her child visitations has thoroughly chided the pop tart's maternal skills as so much Momsense. "During all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play," the court-appointed observer says in docs revealed on Tuesday. "Her choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children."

The parenting coach also (but probably unintentionally) evoked Spears' reality series in saying the environment at her house "ranged from chaotic to almost somber."

As a result, the judge ordered the kids to remain with dad Kevin Federline, and limited Spears to two day visits and one overnight per week. He also dismissed a request to modify or terminate the random drug-testing order, and demanded that she baby-proof her two residences. (But I'll warn you, Brit, those kitchen cabinet latches are a confounding beast even for us adults.)

And not to kick Brit when she's down, but her record label isn't handing out gold stars either. "They can't get Britney to do anything!" to promote her Blackout CD, a source tells the New York Daily News. "This album could have been so much bigger with Britney involved," but "they were forced to [go on with] their marketing plan [without her]."

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