Tina Belcher loves butts.
The boy-crazy eldest daughter of Bob's Burgers' Belcher family loves a lot of things, including zombies, writing erotic friend fiction and horses, but it's butts above all. Some of the Dan Mintz-voiced character's finest moments throughout Bob's Burgers' seven seasons have been butt-related. Here are the best of the best, in GIF form.
The Season 2 episode "Bad Tina" was the first to introduce Tina's "erotic friend fiction," which is what it sounds like — erotic fan fiction written about real people she knows. In order to avoid being publicly embarrassed by a bully who's about to share Tina's secret friend fiction with everyone, Tina takes control of her destiny and reads her story "Buttloose" in front of the whole cafeteria. It's the plot of Footloose, but with touching butts replacing dancing as the forbidden act. In the story, Tina kicks off a butt-touching revolution: "Everyone touched each other's butts, and it was great."
Butt Potion Number 9
Speaking of the first time Tina wrote erotic friend fiction, it was about butts. I mean, what else would it be? Tina's forever #1 crush Jimmy Jr. drinks a love potion in chemistry class that makes him want to touch butts. Tina, of course, doesn't need a love potion. Then a zombie named Chad shows up and they all touch each other's butts. It's pretty glorious.
In the Season 1 episode "Torpedo," Tina gets a job working for the local minor league baseball team as an excuse to slap the handsome players on the butt. Baseball is one of the only workplaces where wanton butt-touching is encouraged, so it's perfect for Tina.
In Season 3's my "My Fuzzy Valentine," Bob makes a pit stop at Pickles, a male strip club. The kids sneak in behind him. Tina sees something very special.
"The Belchies" is a particularly butt-heavy episode. Teddy draws a map to the secret treasure in the abandoned taffy factory, which is then revealed to just be a crude sketch of a butt. But the kids take it seriously, because if you were going to draw a real treasure map, it would still be in the shape of a butt, right? Then Tina says the immortal line above when looking at Jimmy Jr.'s tuchus. And because since this is a Goonies parody, Cyndi Lauper sings a song over the end credits called "Taffy Butt" about how the butt drawing really was a treasure map after all.
"Mazel-Tina" won Bob's Burgers the Emmy for Outstanding Animated Program in 2014, and I'm convinced that Tina dancing with the most popular boy at Tammy's bat mitzvah and touching his butt is the reason why.
A classmate's drawings of robots for his graphic novel gives Tina the idea for her next erotic fan fiction in "Carpe Museum."
Photographic Butt Memory
The best part of Tina's photographic butt memory is Linda's response of "oh yeah," implying that she knew that Tina remembers every butt she's ever seen, but she forgot.
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