I can't believe you ...

Question: I can't believe you auditioned for a television pilot! What show did you go out for?

Answer: It's a new TV Guide Channel show called Square Off and it's essentially to the TV biz what AMC's Sunday Morning Shootout is to the film biz. I auditioned for one of the two host slots that ended up going to Variety's Brian Lowry and The Hollywood Reporter's Andrew Wallenstein. But I'm not bitter. Yes I am. Really, I'm not. Yes, I am. Just being considered for such a project was a major victory. That's a load of horse crap. And I knew it was a long shot. It was mine to lose. The logistics alone I live in the Big Apple and the show is taped in L.A. would have been a nightmare. I would've relocated in a New York minute. So, I figured, worst-case scenario, for three weeks I'd get to go around bragging, "I'm flying to L.A. to audition for a pilot!" It was a no-lose proposition! Crow tastes like outdated Snapple mixed with paste. And the truth is, I wasn't completely rejected. Denial is a beautiful thing. The producers apparently really liked my audition and asked if I would be willing to serve as one of the show's rotating Andy Rooneys. The way it would work is every couple of weeks I'd tape a two-minute segment in which I'd riff on a topic of my choosing. Keri Russell for president! Why isn't Santa Barbara on SoapNet? Sounds like fun! After consulting with my nonexistent team of managers and agents, I accepted the gig, and my first op-ed is tentatively scheduled to be spliced into the April 28 episode. Long-story-succinct: My career just suffered its first major setback is really taking off!