Question: Battlestar Galactica returns this Friday! Have you seen the premiere? What can you tell us?

Answer: I have seen the premiere and, unfortunately, I can't tell you much. Sci Fi made me sign a confidentiality agreement in which they threatened to castrate me if I spoiled any aspect of the episode particularly the last 15 minutes. So I'll just say the episode is awesome (particularly the last 15 minutes) and leave it at that. Luckily, the spooky legal document didn't say anything about revealing future spoilers, but just to be safe I'll cover my naughty bits as I relay the following intel about the second half of Season 4 (airing whenever): Starbuck will become inexplicably drawn to a handsome, charismatic, slick and mysterious piano player over the course of two episodes. The two will become so connected that she'll find herself telling him things no one else knows. Like, for instance, what her relationship with Michelle Ryan was really like. I kid. I think.