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American Horror Story: Roanoke: Did You See This Killer Coming?

Talk about a murderer in sheep's clothing

Sadie Gennis

Spoilers for the most recent episode of American Horror Story: Roanoke beyond this point.

Welp, "Chapter 7" didn't waste much time before adding a whole bunch of new characters to the RIP list. Before Sidney (Cheyenne Jackson) even has the opportunity to notice Rory's (Evan Peters) murder, he's distracted by the screams of a crewmember outside his production trailer. Sidney follows the noise and discovers one of his employees is bleeding out on the lawn after being stabbed to death by Agnes (Kathy Bates).

Because as if ghosts weren't enough, poor crazy Agnes (dressed as the Butcher, natch) has taken it upon herself to add to the bloody mayhem, making quick work of Sidney and a cameraman next. Not that we'll miss Sidney much. Upon seeing his crewmember dying, Sidney first called for the cameraman before even considering calling 911. Rest in hell, Sidney. I'm sure you'll fit right in.

Back inside the house, the cast is searching for Rory, but the only trace left of him is a massive pool of blood. Proving she isn't exactly the sharpest cookie, Audrey (Sarah Paulson) fails to read the signs and instead jumps to the conclusion that Rory ditched her and the show to film a Brad Pitt movie.

Not that she has much time to dwell over her allegedly failed marriage. The entire cast is thrown into survival mode after Agnes sneaks into the house and attacks Sidney with a hatchet. Agnes lands a single blow on Sidney's shoulder, but before she can finish the job Dominic (Cuba Gooding Jr.) saves Shelby and Agnes scurries off.

Audrey, Monet (Angela Bassett) and Lee (Adina Porter) then set out to find the production office to get help, but when they arrive they find nothing but corpses (womp womp). With no better option, the trio begins the five-mile trek to town -- a journey which is cut drastically short after they get abducted by the Polks.

Back at their family home/weed farm, the Polks strap Lee to a chair and proceed to season and tenderize her leg while it's still attached to her! They then force Monet and Audrey to choke down bites of raw meat under the guise that they're eating Lee. (However, in the trailer for "Chapter 8," it definitely appears as though Lee has her leg and the family admits to having watched My Roanoke Nightmare. So it's entirely possible that they aren't actually cannibals and are just using the cannibalism reputation to strike some serious fear in Lee, Audrey and Monet, which would still be extremely twisted but in a very different way.)

Andre Holland, American Horror Story: Roanoke

Andre Holland, American Horror Story: Roanoke

Frank Ockenfels/FX

Meanwhile, Matt wakes up in the middle of the night and creeps down to the basement where he finds - you guessed it! - the Witch of the Woods. Dominic the Snitch sees this late-night rendezvous go down and bolts to get Shelby, who is none too pleased to walk in on her husband copulating with an ancient witch (who doesn't look half as good as Gaga, btw).

Shelby grabs a crowbar and whacks the Witch to save Matt. Only Matt doesn't want to be saved. It turns out, the only reason Matt came back to the house is because he's in love with the Witch and wants to be with her. Hearing this sets Shelby off on an express train to murder town, and she begins beating Matt until his skull is nothing more than pulp.

If you're sick of murder by now, I apologize because there's one more coming!

Before Dominic can even wash Matt's blood off Shelby's face, Agnes approaches the house and begins one of the Butcher's ritual speeches. Only this time, she's joined by the actual Butcher and her followers. And while they say imitation is the highest form of flattery, the IRL Butcher doesn't seem to agree, splitting Agnes' head in half in a single blow.

So to sum up:

Sidney: Dead.

Rory: Dead.

Matt: Dead.

Agnes: Dead.

Lee, Monet, Audrey: Held captive by hillbilly cannibals.

Shelby, Dominic: Trapped in the house by the real Butcher.

We can only imagine what horrors await until next week when we enter Day 2 of Return to Roanoke: Three Days in Hell.

American Horror Story: Roanoke airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX.