The antichrist isn't supposed to be sexy. Satan, sure. In movies like Angel Heart, wherein Robert DeNiro is a charismatic businessman, and shows like Lucifer, where Tom Ellis made the Devil a suave nightlife maven, Satan's skilled seduction makes panties fall like the walls of Babylon. The son of Satan, by contrast, has never prompted much thought about his appearance, except, of course, for the people who believe the Antichrist looks exactly like whichever sitting president they find loathsome.
But American Horror Story: Apocalypse's Michael Langdon (Cody Fern) has changed the game. Antichrists are hot now, and Cody Fern is entirely to blame. Dewy-skinned and meticulously dressed, bitch has an immaculate head of hair and a truly remarkable guyliner game, making his overall look a sublime mashup of Boy George's face, Rick Owens runway androgyny and Madonna's cowboy phase.
Look at those angular ivory cheekbones, looking like a ski slope you wanna slide down! Get into that fashion sense, and the statement rings that signal he's happy to rummage for vintage at the flea market on Sunday AND do brunch after. Beelzebub ain't the only unholy one who can bring all the boys and girls to the yard. Who could resist?
It's too bad his entire existence is committed to never-ending suffering and destruction, because nothing's sexier than a man who can juggle it all like Michael Landon. We'll overlook the fact that Michael Langdon, a 10-year-old with a helluva growth spurt thing going on, would technically be in the fourth grade if his dad wasn't the Prince of Darkness and this wasn't the end of the world. Options are slim! At least you know he can keep a secret.
OK, fine. He has his faults. He has a little bit of a temper.
He bathes in blood to call forth the putrid soul of his father. You could never be sure if you were having sex with him or being tricked into murdering your grandma (oops!) and he can see right into the dark places you try to keep hidden, so those "Sorry, just seeing this!" texts you sent other dudes won't work ever again.
But... man. That baritone voice and that commanding swagger really do make you think about doing bad things, right? Let's face it, don't all men turn into a monsters after a few drinks? And let's not even get started on daddy issues. At least all his baggage is out there. Plus, his mom apparently makes delicious ice cream. It's the end of the world! You could do worse.
American Horror Story: Apocalypse airs Wednesdays at 10/9c on FX.