On one hand, Wednesday's "Rest in Pieces" felt very much like a filler episode of AHS: 1984, stretching things out until next week's finale. On the other hand, it did give us this line: "If you think you're gonna be able to get that elephant's trunk hard in your 70s, you're nuts — and not the kind I like." So, I guess we're even.
That line is, of course, uttered by Our One True Ghost Queen, Montana (Billie Lourd), while in bed with not-dead Trevor (Matthew Morrison), who wants to stay at Camp Redwood with his lady love. Out in the world, the '80s are dead. They don't do coke anymore and there's no aerobics class to be found. It's a scary place out there for Trevor. But it's about to get much scarier at Camp Redwood for him (the guy has a high threshold, what can I say?). First, there's the fact that Montana basically White Fangs him after he offers to kill himself and become a ghost with her. True, that spurn is more about Montana grappling with the fact that she helped turn Richard Ramirez (Zach Villa) into the monster he is, while also being sick and tired of women getting the blame for terrible things men do. Still, Montana rejecting Trevor's eternal love because he's not messed up like her must have stung a bit. On top of that, Margaret Booth (Leslie Grossman) spies him having his tryst with Montana and you know she's not going to be cool with that. Hey, maybe he'll get his wish to die and become a Camp Redwood ghost after all! Is that what a silver lining looks like on this show?
For now, Margaret is a little busy because she has come up with Her Master Plan.
"Kajagoogoo is dead!" screams Margaret in frustration that the mass murder of one of her musical acts at the hand of the Night Stalker might derail her festival. Can we just take a minute to note that Limahl is having A YEAR in 2019? First, "The NeverEnding Story" gets major play in Stranger Things 3, and now Kajagoogoo gets to become ghosts on AHS while "Too Shy" plays? What a treat!
Margaret's excited, too. Not because of the Kajagoogoo resurgence, but because their deaths, though sad, give her the greatest idea she's ever had: She's going to enlist the help of some other killers, murder all of the musical acts coming to the festival, and turn Camp Redwood into an '80s music memorial mecca — people will flock to visit the place where their most beloved musicians died. That plan is dumb and anticlimactic but Margaret's gonna Margaret.
It doesn't take long for her to find some killers to join her team: She runs into Richard Ramirez on the hunt for Mr. Jingles (John Carroll Lynch), and she finds he's befriended another serial killer, Bruce (Dylan McDermott). Yes, Thumbless Bruce is alive thanks to a poor Mary Kay makeup rep who tried to help him and ended up stabbed in the trunk of her pink car. Bruce, who has come to Camp Redwood to find and kill Donna (Angelica Ross) and Brooke (Emma Roberts), is a huge Night Stalker fan, so he's been helping Ramirez out while he hunts for Jingles. As one does.
It's not hard for Margaret to get them on her side, especially because, once again, she and Ramirez have a freaky thing going on. When Bruce wonders how the two of them know each other, Margaret explains that she and Ramirez had a "a mutual admiration and a deep sexual attraction," which is how I'm going to introduce my dates to people at every event I go to from now on. When Margaret spells out what she's doing, Ramirez is in, with one caveat: They aren't touching Billy Idol. He really is a big fan, you know.
There's really only one person who might stop Margaret and that's Brooke. Brooke and Donna have finally returned to Camp Redwood, but it was not without some (more) trouble. A nosy journalist and serial killer enthusiast named Stacey (Stefanie Black) notices the two ladies at a diner. She pretends to believe Brooke is some kind of Brooke Thompson lookalike, but eventually reveals that she's been writing a book about Camp Redwood and knows exactly who they are — she even has footage of Brooke's faked execution! The three women strike up a deal: Brooke and Donna will tell her the real story of what happened at Camp Redwood and even give her a tour, as long as Stacey promises not to turn them in to the police.
That deal is cool and all, until Brooke reveals that she's going to kill Stacey to protect them. Prison has hardened Brooke! She's dead inside! Thankfully, she's got a pal like Donna who stops her from becoming a murderous fiend, tells Stacey to run away (Stacey dies at the hands of Ramirez and Bruce anyway, but it's the thought that counts?), and reminds Brooke why they're there: "One righteous motherf--kin' act of revenge." They're coming for Margaret Booth and Margaret Booth only.
It's a good thing, then, that perhaps Margaret won't have to worry about that other murderer who might want her dead: Mr. Jingles. Jingles, now a ghost, reveals himself to Ramirez and the two have yet another epic serial killer on serial killer fight, but this one backfires on Jingles, thanks to Xavier (Cody Fern). You guys, Xavier is really pissed Jingles put him in that oven and also ended his acting career before it even began. He had two callbacks for The A-Team. TWO! Xavier brings Jingles back to the other ghosts who are ready to torture the guy for eternity. Jingles pleads with them to let him go so he can kill Ramirez and protect his son, but that group of people Jingles murdered isn't really swayed by his sincerity. Know your audience, you know what I mean?
Eventually, Xavier and some Ghost Buddies take Jingles down to the dock and injure him just enough so that he'll bleed out slowly while they send him into the middle of the lake on a rowboat. That seems uncomfortable. Just as Jingles sits up to get Montana's attention as she walks up to the shore, a gross zombie goblin thing jumps up and drags Jingles into the water (Friday the 13th, anyone?). When Jingles comes to, he's in some afterlife situation with his mother (Lily Rabe) and little brother Bobby (Filip Alexander). The ghost family is having a picnic by the lake and little Bobby informs his brother that as long as Jingles stays there, nothing can hurt him anymore. Somehow I just don't see this being the end for Mr. Jingles. What would next week's finale be without our original killer? More importantly: Does anyone on American Horror Story ever get a happy ending?
American Horror Story: 1984's finale airs Wednesday, Nov. 13 at 10/9c on FX.