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18 Episodes 1982 - 1983
Episode 10
Fri, Oct 15, 198243 mins
The comedy segment is Floyd R. Turbo (American) talking in favor of hunting. Johnny also reads some items from a Dear Abby column on "How to tell you are getting old". Joan Rivers jokes with Johnny on a wide variety of topics. Tetsuko Kuroyanagi discusses having three shows in Japan (one daily, two weekly), and also a book she wrote about part of her childhood.
Episode 23
Thu, Feb 17, 198390 mins
Episode 28
Tue, Nov 9, 1982
Johnny looks at rules of etiquette for the holidays. David Sayh performs stand-up; Ricky Schroder (Silver Spoons (1982)); tennis commentator Tony Trabert discusses the Davis Cup and the state of the sport.
Episode 47
Tue, Dec 7, 1982
The comedy segment is expensive holiday gifts; Johnny first reads items from the Sakowitz and Neiman Marcus catalogues, ranging from leather jackets for dogs ($75) and old fur coats recut for pets ($125) to a customized backyard rollercoaster for over $2.4 million, and then describes various other potential gifts. Jimmy Stewart recalls singing in a 1936 movie and notes that his singing was almost dubbed out. He also talks about being a Boy Scout; he rose to the rank of Second Class Scout, but didn't go higher because he was a poor swimmer, being very skinny, and failed lifesaving. He also talks about not being good at math, though geometry was OK; he says algebra is a criminal to him. He says he didn't find it easy to memorize lines, and had never worked with Bette Davis before their new movie "Right of Way" because they were contracted to different studios. Stewart then reads a poem he wrote (and which he had read two years earlier on a December 1980 show) about his home movie camera being destroyed by a hyena during an African safari, told from the point of view of the camera. He then reads a poem sent by an English woman who had heard his poem - and wrote a response from the point of view of the hyena having lost its teeth. He says he might write his autobiography at some point. Garry Shandling does a stand-up comedy routine.
Episode 55
Fri, Dec 17, 1982
Johnny presents a variety of unique snowmen, with their captioned remarks. Sally Field (Kiss Me Goodbye (1982)); Thalassa Cruso discusses Christmas trees.
Episode 60
Tue, Jan 4, 198390 mins
Johnny reads staff psychics' predictions for 1983 in response to tabloid predictions. Carl Reiner does some fake Italian opera singing, and presents his own tabloid celebrity story lies. Greg Louganis shows videos of his dives preparing for the 1984 Olympics, and demonstrates his training methods out of the pool.
Episode 86
Wed, Feb 9, 198343 mins
Johnny reads audience comments on love and romance. Bette Davis (Right of Way (1983), album "Miss Bette Davis Sings"); Richard Pryor (The Toy (1982)).
Episode 107
Fri, Mar 18, 198390 mins
The comedy segment is "The Edge of Wetness", with Johnny giving a soap opera narration to members of the audience. Louis Gossett Jr. talks about starting out in Brooklyn - he was chosen to act professionally in a play while in high school. He finished his pre-med studies at NYU on a basketball scholarship, but because he kept getting acting jobs afterward, he stayed with it. He appeared on The Tonight Show in New York City when he was doing music and comedy. Asked about his role in "An Officer and a Gentleman", he says that he had been in the service. A clip from the film is shown. At Johnny's request, Gossett does some of the drill instructor character, ordering around Ed McMahon. Argus Hamilton does a stand-up comedy routine. Richard Kline talks about the play he is doing, set in Vietnam, in which he plays 20 characters including a nun and a prostitute. He also talks about his first professional acting job, an avant-garde play at Lincoln Center which involved a nude scene; he recalls his parents' good-natured reaction to his performance. He also discusses his service as a lieutenant in Vietnam, where he was struck by lightning while standing next to an airplane as he waited to depart for R&R in Australia, and recalls that his fiancee broke up with him on a shortwave radio call.
Episode 111
Fri, Mar 25, 198390 mins
The Mighty Carson Art Players spoof series' final episodes because of the recent finale of "M*A*S*H". Teri Garr discusses the upcoming "Mr. Mom" and her excitement over being Oscar-nominated for "Tootsie." Paul Provenza makes his "Tonight Show" stand-up debut. Jennifer O'Neill promotes her series "Bare Essence."
Episode 146
Tue, May 17, 1983
Johnny first reads a handful of humorous ads and stories reported in various newspapers. Then, the comedy segment is potential inventions thought up by 7th- and 8th-grade students in a Pottsville, Pennsylvania elementary school. Albert Brooks speeds through several topics before talking about dealing with electricians and exterminators. He then does a comedy routine with an conversational electronic device he claims to have funded, actually a Speak and Spell. Brooks asks questions, and the answers are constructed from the spoken letters. Brooke Shields first talks about her internship with the San Diego Zoo. She helps with food preparation, feeding, and cleaning. She mentions her upcoming attendance at Princeton. Johnny asks if she wanted some distance from her mother, but Shields says she is happy with the close relationship they have; her mother is her best friend. Johnny brings up the topic of marriage; she says that while making "Sahara", a sheikh offered 12 camels for her hand in marriage. She says she might get married in her late twenties or early thirties.
Episode 147
Wed, May 18, 198343 mins
There is no comedy segment. Bob Newhart and Johnny first talk about good and bad audiences. Newhart then talks about his heritage (3/4 Irish, 1/4 German) and Germans' lack of humor. This becomes a discussion about performing overseas, and Newhart recalls a disastrous booking in Australia when there were fewer than fifteen people in the audience every night; he also relates that while there, his wife unwittingly went to a massage parlor that catered to servicemen on leave from Vietnam. At Johnny's urging, he does part of a science fiction-themed routine that had done badly, and Johnny recalls a similar joke. Anthony Quinn first mentions that his wife prevailed upon him to wear a tie, though he would rather not. So Johnny, Ed, Newhart, and the band remove their ties; when Doc and the band start taking off their jackets, Johnny urges them to go no further. Quinn talks about living in Italy near the Pope's summer residence, and how the pope's jogging interferes with his own. He then comments on how much he is enjoying being on stage in the musical version of "Zorba the Greek", his first play since doing "Becket" with Laurence Olivier years earlier. He tells how he almost made his film debut at age nine playing a bear, when his father was a movie studio cameraman, but he got sick and had to be replaced by his cousin. He and Johnny then talk about Greek customs such as breaking plates during a show, and Quinn comments on how "Zorba the Greek" helped to make public dancing acceptable in Greece. Julie Lynne Hayek is Miss USA after representing California in the pageant. Johnny first shows a clip of her appearing on the show previously as a seafood industry spokesmodel, when she presented him with a salmon. She then talks about prizes for winning: Over $90,000, a Camaro Z28 sports car, a mink coat, and a New York City apartment while representing the pageant; she also comments on how having a constant chaperone is both an irritation and a relief. She is a senior at UCLA in psychobiology with plans to become a dentist. Johnny asks about the questions asked as part of the pageant, and she discusses her answer about handling a heckler. Johnny mentions that he MC'd the Miss Universe pageant in 1961, but the tape could not be found. She also says the prizes for Miss Universe are exactly the same as for Miss USA. Finally she tells Johnny that he reminds her of her father.
Episode 160
Thu, Jun 9, 198343 mins
The way men would write romance novels is shown. Richard Pryor (Superman III (1983)) talks about being drug-free, and his former marriages; Rod Hull and puppet Emu (The 1/2 Hour Comedy Hour (1983)); Ally Sheedy (WarGames (1983)).
Episode 170
Thu, Jun 23, 198390 mins
Jim Fowler has a crane with a prosthetic leg, a spiny echidna and a funny bear cub; the Carson Art Players do a skit of a TV commercial college; Lauren Bacall recalls friends/icons Katherine Hepburn and Bette Davis; Dixieland jazz clarinetist Pete Fountain performs.
Episode 171
Fri, Jun 24, 198390 mins
Eddie Murphy (Trading Places (1983)); Jennifer Richards (play "Women Behind Bars"); Reggie Joule demonstrates events in the Eskimo-Indian Olympics.
Episode 180
Fri, Jul 22, 198343 mins
The comedy segment is jokes people in various states tell about their neighboring states. Chevy Chase brings out a tennis racket and demonstrates a tennis serve. He then talks about his newborn daughter and the birth process. A clip from "National Lampoon's Vacation" is shown. David Sayh does a stand-up comedy routine. Karin Salkin hosts the public access TV show "Karen's Restaurant Review". She talks about the show and how she got it. She recalls working as a magician's assistant, being cut in half; she also says her dress originally belonged to Cher.
Episode 189
Thu, Jul 28, 198390 mins
Johnny looks at unneeded products. Joan Collins (Dynasty (1981)); 11-year-old Samantha Smith recounts her trip to Moscow to meet Soviet leader Yuri Andropov.
Episode 190
Fri, Jul 29, 198390 mins
Carrie Fisher (Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)); Garry Shandling performs stand-up and is interviewed. Also: A look back at the 1980 Reagan-Carter debate; The David Grisman Quintet performs.
Episode 225
Tue, Sep 20, 198390 mins
The comedy segment is Aunt Blabby telling about having been a contestant in the Miss America pageant. Chris and Lisa Scott are a newly married couple who raised a three-masted schooner that had sunk in 35 feet of water in Los Angeles Harbor, using garbage bags and tires as flotation devices. They show film of the effort. Dick Cavett talks about his time as a writer for Johnny, noting jokes he wrote involving puns and anagrams, and reminisces about times he made Johnny laugh. He also tells about returning to his childhood hometown for a class reunion, and discusses how some people believe they can bother him since he is well-known; he and Johnny talk about the drawbacks of being widely recognizable. Rebecca Holden talks about her role in "Knight Rider", growing up in Texas, meeting her husband, competing in the Junior Miss Pageant where she accidentally walked off the end of the runway and finished as first runner-up, and raising West Highland White Terrier show dogs; she first visited New York to show a dog at the Westminster Dog Show. She majored in music in college, specifically opera.