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The New Statesman Season 4 Episodes
Season 4 Episode Guide
6 Episodes 1992 - 1992
Episode 1
Back from the Mort
26 mins
After some years in a Russian prison, B'stard returns to find himself out of a job while Sarah has declared him dead, taken his money, and become engaged to Otto Von Munchweiller, MEP for East Germany. Using a little blackmail on the hapless Piers, he manages to get Sir Greville re-elected with Piers now the European Commissioner for Internal Affairs. He also has Otto killed, which sends Sarah into shock and allows him to take advantage of her situation and sign his assets back to him. With Otto out of the way, nothing stands in his way of becoming a Euro MP for Otto's constituency--except another candidate who conveniently falls down a mine-shaft.
Episode 2
H*A*S*H
25 mins
B'stard is now the MEP for Otto's old constituency of Obersaxony and is approached by Sir Greville, who has interests in Big Tobacco and wants B'stard to persuade Piers to have cannabis legalized so that the cigarette companies will profit. Discovering that Sarah is now a high-class hooker, B'stard bribes her to have sex with the members of Piers' European Commission so that they can be compromised into voting for legalisation. However, he is abducted by the Mafia, whose business interests will suffer if legalization goes ahead, so the bill fails to get passed. Not only does B'stard lose a sizeable bung from Big Tobacco in the process, but he also discovers that the "Mafia" were actors Sarah hired to get her revenge on him.
Episode 3
Speaking in Tongues
25 mins
B'stard's insensitivity causes all the European Parliament's translators to go on strike, so he orders the installation of a experimental universal translation device--which, of course, goes wrong. As a result he makes a speech demanding that English be the official language of the E.U., but in the meantime Piers' misuse of the universal translation has inadvertently promised the interpreters a pay rise and a holiday in the Seychelles so they return to work. B'stard himself does very well by buying up a tract of forest that he knows will be compulsorily purchased at a huge profit to himself to make way for a new Autobahn route.
Episode 4
Heil and Farewell
25 mins
Neo-Nazism is on the rise in Germany following the fall of the Berlin Wall, and B'stard plans to profit by it by pretending that he wants to be the new Fuhrer. To this end he obtains Hitler's perfectly-preserved member and persuades former Nazi Colonel Wessell that he can supply the whole body for a price. Frau Kleist, the other MEP for Obersaxony, believes that B'stard's aspirations are genuine and plans to kill him with a bomb, though he manages to escape as it goes off, wiping out the Nazis. With the money obtained from Wessell, he returns to England to discover that Sarah and Frau Kleist are now a Lesbian couple.
Episode 5
A Bigger Splash
24 mins
At auction, B'stard purchases the yacht belonging to the late media tycoon and fraudster Robert Maxwell, using it to transport humanitarian aid to the war in Bosnia. On arrival, however, it transpires that there is an ulterior motive to his charity. Maxwell is still alive and hiding in Bosnia and will pay B'stard to smuggle him out on the boat. After paying a million pounds to both the warring factions for a truce B'stard decides to leave Maxwell behind and sets sail with the crate containing the money Maxwell is paying him. Once at sea, however, he discovers that there is no money in the crate--only Maxwell, who has duped him and left him out of pocket following the bribes he paid the Bosnians. So B'stard pushes him and the crate overboard.
Episode 6
The Irresistible Rise of Alan B'Stard
25 mins
As ever sensing (manipulating) the mood of the moment, B'stard engineers an election when the prime minister resigns. Both Labour and Conservative are split into two factions: pro-Europe, represented by Sir Greville for the Tories; and the Euro-sceptics, led by B'stard. The Euro-sceptics win when B'stard presents a film allegedly showing the French invading the Channel Islands, but B'stard himself does not have a constituency and Labour leader Paddy O' Rourke is elected the new prime minister. This is of no consequence to B'stard, who declares himself the Lord Protector of Britain.
