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The New Statesman Season 3 Episodes
Season 3 Episode Guide
6 Episodes 1991 - 1991
Episode 1
Labour of Love
25 mins
Alan B'Stard's reputation as the most right-wing Tory MP in the House is under threat: working-class fatso Victor Crosby has just won the Accrington by-election for the Conservatives, and through his publicly-declared extreme political views he is on the brink of stealing B'Stard's thunder.
Episode 2
The Party's Over
25 mins
When the government's fuel expert, Professor Quail, announces that supplies of North Sea oil will soon run out, causing an economic depression, B'stard is charged with running a snap election, his efforts putting the Conservatives out in front. Then he is told he was meant to fail so that the party in power when the oil dries up will get the blame. Consequently other parties start to run rubbish campaigns so that they will lose, but the election is cancelled when the story is leaked to the press. In fact there was no crisis, it was another of B'stard's scams, in league with Professor Quail, to drive oil companies' stocks to a very low price, whereupon B'stard would buy them in anticipation of their value rising again.
Episode 3
Let Them Sniff Cake
24 mins
B'stard's typically-reactionary views on a television debate in which he supports animal testing make him a target for animal-rights groups who issue him with death threats--and a drive-by shooting. At the same time he is approached by drug-addicted peer Lord Penistone to secure him cocaine, but he's afraid to go out and sends Piers to do the deal. Piers is robbed, and to compensate his Lordship for the loss of his money B'stard gives him his Rolls Royce--in which a car bomb has been planted, which blows up. B'stard ultimately discovers that the death threats are coming from none other than Sarah, who hopes to force him to buy her a vintage fur coat.
Episode 4
Keeping Mum
24 mins
B'stard's latest bill proposes that, to save the government money, all retirement homes should be closed and the elderly should be looked after by their families. This rebounds on him when his own mother Beryl, a scruffy old bag-lady, turns up at the house, proves to be incontinent, and embarrasses him in front of important guests. She demands money from her son to leave him alone, but when he gives in, she turns out to be the owner of a retirement home herself. To get his revenge, B'stard makes sure that Piers' mother, who has arsonist tendencies, becomes one of Beryl's residents.
Episode 5
Natural Selection
25 mins
Once more B'stard's outrageous behaviour has caused the party to deselect him in favour of Ken Price, wealthy owner of a construction company--who is also having an affair with Sarah. A plan is needed, which involves stealing Piers' stamp collection to get into the good books of philately-loving Treasury minister Julian Whitaker to give the impression that business tax relief is being ended. This will ruin Ken, and when his fiancée sees him in a compromising position with Sarah--also set up by B'stard--it is too much and he kills himself. The job done, all B'stard needs to do is sell Piers' stamp collection back to him.
Episode 6
Profit of Boom
24 mins
With the fall of Communism, B'stard is sent on a trade mission to Moscow, where he hopes to sell his videos on how to succeed in business. But MI5 boss Ogilvy and KGB head Gromyko, unhappy that President Gorbachev is ending the Cold War, hire B'stard to assassinate him with a bomb hidden in a commemorative plaque which is to be presented to him. B'stard persuades Piers to make the presentation, but the bomb goes off prematurely, destroying the money given to B'stard to kill the president. He and Piers are arrested and sentenced to imprisonment in Siberia, though Ogilvy and Sarah arrange for Piers to be released, leaving B'stard to his fate.
