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SCTV Network Season 1 Episodes
Season 1 Episode Guide
25 Episodes 1981 - 1982
Episode 1
One on the Town
66 mins
Guy Caballero welcomes you to SCTV's new programming season on NBC. He explains that we're going to see some Golden Classics from SCTV's vault (in other words, repeats), and we visit with other station characters who push the new season. Levon Helm and his band also comes to Mellonville and become part of a special One on the Town report. Sketches include: Message from Guy - Catch our Stars, High Q (repeat), Promo: The Merv Griffin Show (repeat), English for Beginners (remake of a season 1 sketch), Commercial: Dr Benson Credit Psychiatrist (repeat), Message from Prickley - The New Season, Leave It to Beaver 25th Anniversary Party (repeat), The Great White North - The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations (repeat), Promo: Dan Money (repeat), One On the Town - Levon Helm, Message from Hal Waxberg - Behind the Scenes, The $Millionaire (repeat), Commercial: 20 Depressing Hits by Connie Franklin (repeat), Message from Guy - Consultant, Commercial: Half Legs (repeat), Masterpiece Theatre - All the Long-Leggedy Beasties (repeat), Commercial: Spray-On Socks (repeat), One On the Town - Levon Helm Part 2, Play It Again, Bob.
Episode 2
Polynesiantown
66 mins
Johnny LaRue plays a restaurant owner in his latest movie.
Episode 3
Southside Fracas
66 mins
Guy Caballero hires illegal immigrant Pirini Scleroso; the Fracases argue about their daughter's wedding.
Episode 4
Compilation
Fri, Jun 19, 198164 mins
A selection of sketches from the previous seasons.
Episode 5
Lunchtime Street Beef
66 mins
Johnny LaRue is desperate for work after the failure of "Polynesiantown."
Episode 6
Moral Majority
Fri, Jul 10, 198166 mins
Guy tries to appease a major advertiser.
Episode 7
Pledge Week
66 mins
SCTV holds a pledge drive.
Episode 8
Bouncin' Back to You with the Tubes
Fri, Jul 24, 198166 mins
Lola Heatherton is despondent after her live special is canceled.
Episode 9
The Great White North
66 mins
Bob and Doug McKenzie invite fellow hoser Ian Thomas onto their show.
Episode 10
CCCP 1
66 mins
The SCTV network is broadcasting a live Johnny LaRue production of "Julius Caesar," with Bobby Bittman in the title role, when the show is interrupted by a signal from the Russian TV channel CCCP1. "Today from Moscow" fills the SCTV screen, with hosts Valery Commetsky and Ivan Mahiloff. The studio audience are the employees of the Minsk Bus and Truck Works. Later they'll tour the Serbsky Institute for the Politically Insane, then hurry back to Minsk for their 4pm shift. Valery has a new pair of shoes (the Potemkin style), which Ivan has the new Soviet minicam (the size of a small car) focus on. Irina Zoyusha shows us the new Soviet Home Dentist Drill and Ear Irrigator, which looks like an air compressor. The minicam motor burns out, and CCCP1 fades back to SCTV. Bobby is arguing with LaRue when SCTV returns, and Bobby walks off the set despite the show being live. Guy Caballero calls LaRue into his office. Guy wants LaRue to resign for the fiasco. LaRue weasels out as usual when CCCP1 jams the signal again. Uposcrabblenyk, Russia's favorite TV game, comes on. Anna loses to Victor for using a 28-letter word for dog, that turns out to be slang. Victor is coming back next week to try and qualify for an earlier delivery time for a Russian automobile. "What Fits into Russia" with host Feliks Dzerzhinsky, tries to fit other foreign states, countries and continents into Mother Russia's enormous size, showing her superiority; Australia barely covers half of the Ukraine. A public service announcement warns viewers not to give money or matches to an Uzbek. The signal fades and SCTV is back. Guy is mad and calls NBC for help. NBC wants to wait to see the overnights before rushing to help the smaller network. NBC hangs up on him so Guy vows to do something about it himself. The "SCTV Movie of the Week" is "The Jazz Singer" starring Al Jarreau as the son. Sid Dithers plays the father, a Jewish soul singer who can't understand why his adopted son wants to be a cantor. Al sings "We're in This Love Together," with Sid accompanying on the sax. Sid is disappointed in his son, and thinks he should have adopted Barry White instead. The Rabbi goes to ask Sid to come to the service where his son will debut as cantor. Sid attends, in silver disco boots, and all is well. "The Cruisin' Gourmet" focuses on how to stuff a turkey the alternative lifestyle way. CCCP1 breaks into the signal again with "Hey, Giorgy!," a good Samaritan who helps the local Russian peasants with anything they need, like pointing out that Uzbeks have drank the battery fluid from a stalled car (there are straws sticking out of the battery). A commercial for vodka shows how Igor likes to relax after a hard day of work by feeling superior to the Uzbeks. "Tibor's Tractor" is about a regular farmer whose tractor is possessed by the spirit of Nikita Kruschev. SCTV returns, with Guy contracting with Red Rooster to fix the problem with their satellite. Red finds out that Guy skimped on the satellite security, which allowed CCCP1 to break into their signal. He accuses Cabellero of waltzing over the Panamanian border with laundered Nazi money, and tells Guy he can either bring the satellite to Earth, or they have to go to the satellite; it will only cost 200 million dollars. Guy panics and tells Red that Dr. Tongue and Bruno have been working on a project, and shows him the Tonguemobile strapped to a rocket, right outside the SCTV headquarters. The "Wet Nurse" promo shows the story of a woman dedicated to the sustenance of mankind. The commercial for Eskimo Art is trying to move a warehouse full of art at bargain prices. The long trek to the warehouse is shown on a map. Dr. Tongue and Bruno have a problem with their rocket; they have enough fuel to get two people back. Bruno floods the rocket engine, but they eventually blast off with Red Rooster in the back seat. Dr. Tongue rags at Bruno for forgetting the Intellivision, so they debate the origin of the creation of the universe to pass the time. Donuts keep them sustained during the long flight. Red drives while Dr. Tongue and Bruno make a 3D movie. Red spies the SCTV satellite, with the Russian satellite parked right next to it. Red walks in space to put the scrambler on the SCTV satellite; when he's done Bruno and Tongue put it into reverse and leave Red behind. Red blames Guy for this, and he rides the Russian satellite back to Earth, ready to hit Moscow with a nuclear bomb. Guy talks with Henry Fonda, who is playing the president (we're suddenly in "Fail Safe"), and asks him to fix it with the Russians. The president calls and talks to the Russian premiere; he says they can shoot down Red Rooster, but the Russians say the target is too small. The President says the Russians can hit New York in retaliation, and we see everyone at SCTV just before the bomb hits. Edith Prickley closes out the show, saying this didn't really happen, but it could.
Episode 11
I'm Taking My Own Head...
Fri, Oct 23, 198166 mins
Libby Wolfson prepares for her new play.
Episode 12
Zontar
66 mins
The SCTV cast and crew falls victim to alien mind control.
Episode 13
Walter Cronkite's Brain
66 mins
David Brinkley's look at the human brain includes Walter Cronkite's childhood on Krypton.
Episode 14
Doorway to Hell
66 mins
Guy runs out of ideas and takes suggestions from the crew.
Episode 15
The Godfather
66 mins
A war erupts between the Five Networks when "Don Caballero" refuses to back a pay TV channel.
Episode 16
SCTV Staff Christmas Party
66 mins
Johnny is forced to tape "Street Beef" outside on Christmas Eve.
Episode 17
Teacher's Pet
66 mins
Ricardo Montalban is featured in a "To Sir, With Love" parody.
Episode 18
Midnight Video Special
Fri, Feb 19, 198265 mins
Gerry Todd hosts a concert special consisting entirely of videos.
Episode 19
The Great White North Palace
63 mins
Everyone is jealous of the attention Guy is paying to Bob and Doug--including giving them their own special.
Episode 20
Pre-Teen World Telethon
65 mins
The kids of Pre-Teen World hold a telethon after their funding is cut.
Episode 21
People's Global Golden Choice Awards
66 mins
When SCTV wins a suspicious number of awards, Bob Hope notifies the FBI.
Episode 22
3D Stake from the Heart
65 mins
Count Floyd takes us behind the scenes of the latest Coppola and Dr. Tongue production.
Episode 23
Pet Peeves/The Happy Wanderers
62 mins
Hollywood stars reveal what bugs them; Stan and Yosh Schmenge welcome back a former Happy Wanderer.
Episode 24
Chariots of Eggs
66 mins
Hall and Oates star in Bobby Bittman's latest film.
Episode 25
Battle of the PBS Stars
65 mins
Carl Sagan's team takes on William F. Buckley's.