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7 Episodes 2005 - 2006
Episode 1
Thu, Sep 15, 20052 mins
The first episode of Pale Force opens with two robbers stealing a diamond. Jim and Conan shine their chests at the robbers and blind them with whiteness. Later, Lady Bronze, the main villain in the series, captures Conan and Jim comes to save him. It is ended on a cliffhanger with Lady Bronze saying "Jim don't kill me, I love you," to which he responds "You don't love me, you love crime."
Episode 2
Wed, Feb 1, 20063 mins
Conan meets Jim for the first time.
Episode 3
Thu, Apr 27, 20064 mins
A traitorous Phillip Seymour Hoffman impersonates Jim.
Episode 4
Thu, Oct 12, 20063 mins
A depressed Conan joins a sidekick support group.
Episode 5
Thu, Oct 26, 20066 mins
Jim goes to the Legion of Pale with some disturbing information. Once-pale stars Lindsay Lohan, Scarlett Johansson and Clay Aiken have all become strikingly tan over the last year and have also become increasingly promiscuous. Their connection- they were all participants in the Miss Pale America pageant. Jim nominates Conan to infiltrate the pageant dressed in drag to retrieve valuable information. Nicole Kidman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Bette Midler, Christina Ricci and Sarah Vowell take Conan shopping. After a musical montage, Conan only needs to don a dress and a pair of earrings in order to pass off as a woman. Once at the competition, a doctor announces that in addition to the drug screening, there were no irregular testosterone levels in any contestant, ergo, no competitor had a penis or testicles, much to Conan's chagrin. When other Miss Pale America contestants make fun of Conan's hair, he runs off crying. Once outside, Conan is encountered by Wilmer Valderrama who forces Conan to get into his car. Jim and Larry Bird watch the situation unfold from a Wonder Bread van. The Miss Pale America Pageant begins with a monologue by Vladamir Putin. Conan plays Danny Boy on a glass harp and ribbon dances for the talent portion of the competition. Judges Ed Begley Jr., Elijah Wood and Wilmer Valderrama unanimously crown Conan the winner. After the competition, Wilmer Valderrama propositions Conan to make good on his promise and become tan. Jim interrupts and punches Valderrama out. Conan then gives Jim his victory bouquet which Jim proceeds to eat.
Episode 6
Thu, Nov 16, 20062 mins
Jim and Conan appear on the PBS talk show, Charlie Rose. Rose incessantly interrupts and asks banal questions of the duo. Then, he announces that the country of Afghanistan has changed its name to "Gafganistan". Rose reveals that he had recently done interviews with Pale Force's arch-nemesis Lady Bronze. Bronze says that she only hates pale people and that shouldn't take away from all of the work she's done for non-pale children. During the flashback, Rose rolls another tape of his interview with a USB port. During this flashback, Rose says that two years from this point he will be interviewing Pale Force. The show returns to a dumbfounded Pale Force. Rose then bids his audience adieu and the show closes.
Episode 7
Thu, Nov 23, 20063 mins
While cleaning the Shade Cave, Conan discovers a time machine. Jim scolds Conan for touching it, saying it is needed to fight crime in the future. Conan wishes he could be in a world where people would appreciate him as he accidentally trips the switch on the time machine and is transported to 17th century England. Conan arrives naked in the year 1665 inside of Buckingham Palace. He hops into a wardrobe, where he changes into traditional (and flamboyant) clothing. Three dandies admire Conan for his femininity and pale complexion. Conan enjoys the newfound attention and exclaims, "Wow, real friends!" Conan becomes part of a eunuch choir which performs in front of the royal family. Conan is locked in the Tower of London where bobbies tell him that he will be there until he is skin and bones and in a pool of his own urine, to which Conan cries, "I already am." Conan has a hallucination about Cinderella, but quickly wakes up to a kiss from a fellow prisoner. Meanwhile, Jim travels back in time and poses as a statue. He then steals a suit of armor and breaks Conan out of prison. The duo is confronted by the king who propositions Conan to stay in an age where pale, effeminate men rule the world and wetting one's breeches is a sign of sophistication. Jim questions who will do his ironing, prompting Conan to agree to go back to modern times. Conan cleans the Shade Cave while Jim takes a hot tub with Wonder Woman.