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16 Episodes 1970 - 1970
Episode 1
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie appears on stage and welcomes all the kids in the audience to Archie's Funhouse featuring the Giant Jukebox. The show includes antics from Big Ethel, who chases her would-be lover-boy, Jughead, on a frozen lake. Thunderbolt Theatre gives the kids corny black-out gags. Archie the ringmaster introduces a trapeze act with Reggie and Moose. "Betty's Diary" gives us Betty's version of her day--and then the reality. Archie falls for her, all right, but not in the way she pretends. The Archies perform "Love Vibrations," "Falling in Love Is Fun" and "I'm Just a Puppet on a String."
Episode 2
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie introduces Reggie, but the kids in the audience throw tomatoes at him. On "How to Catch a Man," Big Ethel tries to catch Jughead by using a giant slingshot and a booby trap baited with hamburgers; finally she tries skydiving. Thunderbolt Theatre promises "quick, drippy gags." Betty writes in her diary about her day with Archie. But her version of what happened at the roller rink and in a sailboat skew the truth. Dilton shows off his Rube Goldberg-like machine for scratching one's back. The Archies play "The Ways I Love You," "Love Vibrations" and "The Laughing Song."
Episode 3
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie tries to keep the show going as Moose constantly interrupts him, asking if he can do his duck imitation. Reggie's magic act flops. Big Ethel tries to nab Jughead with a plunger and a giant rubber band; later, she tries swinging on a vine. Thunderbolt Theatre reveals that a meatball is a square meal that's been around. (Get it?) Reggie shows Archie and Jughead how to surf. Moose and Mantle do their vaudeville act and get the hook. The same happens to Lodge and Cooper. For his tuba playing, Mr. Weatherbee gets the trap door. "Jukebox Jokes" offers more corny gags. The Archies perform "Monkey See, Monkey Do," "Lucky Me" and "Love Vibrations."
Episode 4
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie's Funhouse kicks off with the entire cast bumbling its way through ice-skating routines. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel chases Jughead on a pogo stick. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Hot Dog predicts that some day Reggie will go too far--"and I hope he stays there." "Record-Breaking Jokes" offers more of the same. "Do you know 'The Oatmeal Song'?" "Yeah, it's a lot of mush." Coach Cleats takes the audience to the third annual Bumsteer's Rodeo and then the Swiss Alps. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Reggie's high C makes Betty C-sick. The Archies perform "Comes the Sun," "Love Vibrations" and "Sweet Saturday Night."
Episode 5
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
The Funhouse Rodeo features the inept bronc-buster, Reggie, and the even more inept rope-twirler, Moose. Big Ethel attempts to catch Jughead through skydiving and becoming a human cannonball. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" we learn that Reggie had three telephones installed--so he could hang up on more people. In "Mr. Weatherbee's Camping Corner" the principal teaches the kids how to build a tree shelter. Betty imagines herself in the story of Robin Hood, but Cinderella muscles in. "Giant Jukebox Jokes" reveals that Jughead played the trumpet--and the trumpet lost. The Archies perform "Hey, Little One," the anti-pollution-preaching "Mr. Factory," and "Love Land."
Episode 6
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
"Archie's Amateur Show" has the cast bird-calling, juggling, jumping on a trampoline and more. Or less. Every performance is a flop. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel propels herself in a bazooka; then she tries grabbing Jughead with a giant hand. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Betty worries about her owl--"he just doesn't give a hoot any more." In "Funhouse Kitchen" Reggie teaches us how to make an egg soufflé a la Mantle. Jughead does some awful magic tricks. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Reggie's songs all have a happy ending--"everyone is happy that they're ending." The Archies perform "Anyone Can Be Anything," "The Lonely Cricket" and "Comes the Sun."
Episode 7
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
At the Fun House County Fair, Betty tries to guess Veronica's weight, Jughead does a lousy talking-dog act with Hot Dog and Reggie races against time to do his daredevil act. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries skiing and pushing over telephone poles. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Reggie tells Betty he charges $20 for tennis lessons. She exclaims, "What a racket!" Mr. Weatherbee and Miss Grundy argue over who is the better nature photographer. Coach Cleats goes drag racing and canoeing and is equally bad at both. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Jughead tells Big Ethel there are only two things wrong with her piano playing--her hands. The Archies perform "Sunshine," "Comes the Sun" and "Honey."
Episode 8
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
On the "Fun House Vaudeville Show" Mantle and Moose tell the story about lunch meat: "it's a lot of bologna." Jughead flops as a swami and Coach Cleats fails as a strongman. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries to catch Jughead with a fake trashcan, vine-swinging and an electro-magnet. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Moose reveals that he thinks he's a cocker spaniel--and has ever since he was a puppy. Betty and Veronica scheme to get Archie away from the TV so he'll play baseball with them. Jughead does his "Dipsy Doodle." "Giant Jukebox Jokes" reveals the reason we say amen instead of a-women on Sunday: "because we sing hymns not hers." The Archies perform "Dance," "Sunshine" and an ode to harmony between races and between nations, "We're One Big Family."
Episode 9
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
The Riverdale High Fine Artsy Group presents bad harp-playing, a bad historical re-enactment and bad Shakespeare. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel uses a giant net, a giant bird costume and a giant spring; and none of them work. Romeo Reggie shows the audience how to be popular with the girls. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Moose spends the day asking people what time it is, but keeps getting different answers. Mr. Weatherbee and Miss Grundy try to help decorate the hall for homecoming. Moose and Mantle do a bad magic act. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Jughead tells Big Ethel that his favorite string instrument is a yo-yo. The Archies perform "Young Love," "Rowboat Ride" and "Sunshine."
Episode 10
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
The Archie gang presents three movie spoofs: "Flying Fools," "Ben Hoo?" and "The Pickles of Pearline." On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries a Roman catapult. "Thunderbolt Theatre" reveals that Reggie's uncle is bow-legged: when he sits around the house, he really sits around the house. Betty and Veronica make Archie a birthday dinner. Coach Cleats tries sumo wrestling and rocket-powered bob-sledding. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Reggie claims he's a guitar player worth watching; Betty says it's too bad he's not worth listening to. The Archies perform "Love Went Round," "Sunshine" and "Somebody Likes You."
Episode 11
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
On Archie's Fun House Riverboat, Jughead dances The Elevator ("No steps!"), Big Moose performs an inept mind-reading act, and more. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel uses a trampoline, Essence of Hamburger perfume and an umbrella parachute; but all her tricks fail. "Thunderbolt Theatre" reveals there was a fight in the candy store: "a lollipop got licked." Reggie tricks Moose into helping him collect bottles to get the deposit money. On "Betty's Diary" Betty gives a skewed version of her encounter with Archie in the cafeteria and a dishonest account of his reaction to her party. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" we learn that Dilton's act won't stop the show, "but it'll sure slow it down." The Archies perform "Candy Kisses," the anti-pollution-preaching "Mr. Factory, and "Comes the Sun."
Episode 12
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie kicks off the show with "The Fun House Space Spectacular." On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries a bird-woman costume, a giant rubber band and a battering ram. "Thunderbolt Theatre" reveals what's green, noisy and very dangerous: "a thundering herd of pickles." Betty and Veronica "fix" Archie's car. Reggie and Moose do a trapeze act that goes wrong. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Reggie tells Archie that his voice was insured for a million dollars; Archie asks, "What did you do with the money?" The Archies perform "Oh, Sweet Suzie" (a rock version of "Oh, Susanna"), "Don't Run from Love" and the anti-pollution-preaching "Mr. Factory."
Episode 13
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie introduces "The Fun House Trash-a-Thon." On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries an army surplus flyer, roller skating with an airplane engine tied to her back, and an old-fashioned motorcar. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Mr. Weatherbee tells Miss Grundy he's adding a new wing to the school; she rejoins, "It'll never get off the ground." On a camping trip, Betty and Veronica vow to outfish the boys. On "The Big, Big World of Sports" Coach Cleats goes to the Austrian Alps for the International Skydiving Championships; the Pan-Italian Bike Races; and the Great Barrier Reef in Australia. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Hot Dog says that "ever since Reggie went on the air, people are threatening to stop breathing it." The Archies perform "Jungle George," the anti-pollution-preaching "Mr. Factory" and "Looks That Say I Love You."
Episode 14
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie kicks off the show with another "Early Early Show" segment featuring the movie spoofs, "The Concerto Kid," "Scraggly and Livingston" and the final chapter in "The Pickles of Pearline." On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries sliding down a wire, nitroglycerin, and a lasso trick. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Reggie tells Miss Grundy why the Indians were the first people in America: "They had a reservation." Reggie and Moose fix up a sailboat to get the girls away from Archie. Betty tells her diary that Archie asked her to go swimming; his actual words: "Betty, why don't you go jump in the lake?" On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Moose admits that he's late for music practice but adds, "It's the earliest I've ever been late." The Archies perform "La La La La Love," "We're One Big Family" and "The Ballad of 51st Street."
Episode 15
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
Archie presents the Fun House Magic Show, which includes Reggie as a bad escape artist. On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries a rocket launcher, a pair of skis and a "jet-propelled skate plane." On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Big Moose uses the word aftermath in a sentence: "I'll meet you in the cafeteria aftermath." Betty and Veronica play Reggie and Moose on the tennis court. Coach Cleats on "The Big, Big World of Sports" takes the audience to India for a tug of war with an elephant; Ireland for mountain-climbing on Mike's Peak; and Italy for spinning by one's teeth while suspended hundreds of feet in the air. On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Ethel asks Jughead if he likes music; he rejoins, "Yeah, but keep right on singing anyway." The Archies perform "The Big Boat," "Don't Let It Get You Down" and "We're One Big Family." A 'Clark Gable' lookalike courts Big Ethel.
Episode 16
Wed, Apr 1, 197021 mins
The Archie gang performs the movie spoofs "Really Big Caesar," "Young Tom Kilowatt" and the last chapter of "The Pickles of Pearline." On "How to Catch a Man" Big Ethel tries a rocket-powered ship, sliding down a flagpole and a giant slingshot. On "Thunderbolt Theatre" Mr. Weatherbee says he has a good head on his shoulders; Miss Grundy rejoins, "Yes, you have a point there." Reggie the Rocket and the Mighty Moose perform an inept trapeze act. Betty tells her diary that Archie called her his "little sugar cookie"; he really called her "a crumb." On "Giant Jukebox Jokes" Miss Grundy asks the tuba-playing Mr. Weatherbee if he's crying because the song is sad; he replies, "No, my lips are chapped." The Archies perform "Little by Little," "We're One Big Family" and "My Singing Guitar."