Join or Sign In
Sign in to customize your TV listings
By joining TV Guide, you agree to our Terms of Use and acknowledge the data practices in our Privacy Policy.
Archer Season 2 Episodes
Season 2 Episode Guide
13 Episodes 2011 - 2011
Episode 1
Swiss Miss
Thu, Jan 27, 201122 mins
German billionaire, Herr Conrad Schlotz, controls all European Videotex services. His nubile, out-of-control daughter, Anke, is determined to have her 17th birthday bash at an exclusive Alpine ski resort in Gstaad, Switzerland. El Frente Rojo made threats on the Schlotz heiress, so Malory accepts the mission to guard Schlotz's "princess," a probable devotee to Sharon Stone films. Secretly, Malory wants to score: Schlotz, financing for ISIS and some absinthe, a heady threesome! Some wedding tackle named Wilhelm hooks a razor and Pam hooks a fellow dairy enthusiast. Malory is "classic Mother" and interrupts an intimate Green Russian hot tub party. If what happens in Gstaad stays in Gstaad, will anyone but Lana know the truth about Archer feeling up his kindred spirit? Will Pam keep quiet about her new special friendship--and special cocktail? Will Ray ever reconcile to losing (earning Bronze in men's downhill slalom in the Winter Olympics?) Dukes!
Episode 2
A Going Concern
Thu, Feb 3, 201121 mins
Archer gets a boo-boo from Nikolai Jackov's Huns, but no sympathy from his mother. Malory's frustrations cannot be satisfied with lock factory equipment. A hedge fund is really a Ponzi scheme. Cheryl is the bigmouth who spreads the word: Malory is selling out to ODIN, in more ways than one. Has Len Trexler finally won his lady love? Archer does not want a new boss or a new father. Barry tells Lana that the sale could give her an opportunity for advancement, but only if Lana will advance horizontally, as well. Malory and Lana look out for their own asses, so Archer steps up to lead those remaining. (Phrasing. Boom!) The gang crowd-sources a plan to save ISIS. Can Len Trexler be induced into a change of heart? Krieger mentions the deep-cycle marine battery and his patented breath strips, and Archer has a revelation about anatomy. A plan is born and bare hands get dirty. A tiny microchip and Krieger's magic might make it possible to alter--change, Len's mind. What goes on in the mainframe may not... via reverse cowgirl or otherwise. Commence Modified Ludivico: but Barry leaves the mainframe "undone." Will Rabbert Klein be the big winner? What will happen to ISIS and Four Five Six Laundry? Everything's "iree" at ISIS.
Episode 3
Blood Test
Thu, Feb 10, 201122 mins
Trinette sues Archer for child support for baby Seamus and she serves a subpoena ordering Archer to submit to a blood test. Too bad for Archer--ODIN will administer the test...via Barry, and the blood sample will be stored in a vault with top at First National Bank. Barry takes a liter (8 gills) of blood from the metric-challenged. Back at ISIS, the rest of the gang plans a shower for Trinette and Seamus; Lana suggests the perfect venue: Archer's apartment. Lana is sure the whole thing will make him crazy. A night of partying and substance abuse yields the world's worst shower gifts for Trinette. Will the DNA test results be positive? Either way, Archer is sure to pay...
Episode 4
Pipeline Fever
Thu, Feb 17, 201122 mins
Lana and Archer head to the decreasing wetlands Southwest of New Orleans to protect an AmPetCo oil pipeline from ecoterrorist, Joshua. Back at ISIS, Malory schemes for socialist tax credits by going "lean and green." However, this idea may not float with Pam. What about Malory's ice and Krieger's clones? Malory may have a few things to rethink. Slogging the swamp, Archer confesses his top 3 fears and Lana meets an old friend. Will Archer find a ride home before he runs out of beer?
Episode 5
The Double Deuce
Thu, Feb 24, 201121 mins
Woodhouse tells Archer about his WWI escapades. His former superior and BFF Reggie, suggested a tontine (French AND illegal, even in a Napoleonic Code state.) Each man contributed £50 and, after years of compound interest, the literal "last man standing" would collect the lot. The 100+ year old Woodhouse was 1 of 3 remaining old soldiers still alive and eligible to receive nearly £1,000,000. "Dr. Who" money or not, Archer would still kill his old valet to collect. Back at ISIS, Pam sets up her own tontine, while encouraging Cheryl to slurp glue. Wee Seamus becomes the embodiment of "bouncing baby boy," when Archer rushes to save a friend. Can Woodhouse, figuratively, knock sense into Archer's head? How much can wee baby Seamus drink, literally, before designated adult sees he has a problem?
Episode 6
Tragical History
Thu, Mar 3, 201121 mins
Archer cannot hear Lana over the sound of his deafening awesomeness; but, Cyril cannot perform under pressure and is rudely vanquished at darts. The Salad is not rendered unto Caesar and the gang is disgusted with Cyril. A despondent Cyril makes new acquaintances. The next day, the ISIS computer system has a worm...or a pirate. The mainframe thinks Russia is launching missiles at the U.S. Krieger is unable to fix the computer system, and the agent cover list is about to go public. Choices have consequences and Cyril is learns who his friends really are (sort of). Krieger catapults into bereavement and then, back into the dating game. The Emily Post of weapons knows the etiquette of asking for a katana. Will Cyril ever learn to shoot straight? Are the twins warming up to Archer? Hello, Kitty! meets Hunch, hunch! What, what? for the gang at ISIS.
Episode 7
Movie Star
Thu, Mar 10, 201121 mins
Oscar-winning actress Rona Thorne is taking on the CIA and the KGB in Deitrich Viener's new movie thriller, "Disavowed!" She wants her performance to be amazing, so she wants to train with ISIS, especially with Lana Kane. Rona says she is SO inspired by Lana, the epitome of an empowered woman. Lana hesitates about sharing highly-classified covert ops with anyone outside the agency, but when Archer offers his services, Lana immediately agrees to work with Rona. Meanwhile, Malory takes advantage of the access to Rona's Hollywood agent and she and Cyril work up a screenplay for a taut, sexy thriller-sequel to "Mandingo." Pam "borrows" Rona's journal and tells Cheryl and Ray. It is an "Operation Dick Sledge" flashback at Rona's apartment; Steele and Cassius find their own Pinch Two and experience jungle fever at ISIS. Surprisingly, absolutely nobody but Archer and the computer nerds seem to be paying attention to current events; Archer is the only one who is not totally star-struck. Will it be bawk, bawk therapy cranes for Ray, Pam, and Cheryl? Does Granny get her groove back? Will Cyril ever return to his self-help meetings? Archer's diligent attention to business and/or revenge could be the key to success on this mission. Or, will Archer and Lana be totally fugu-ed?
Episode 8
Stage Two
Thu, Mar 17, 201122 mins
When Malory has a breast cancer scare, she makes the mistake of telling Lana within the same galaxy as Pam, who texts the secret to everyone but Archer and Ray. Archer knows how to uncover ISIS secrets: just ask Pam. When Malory sees Dr. Speltz, he finds Malory tested as a false positive, but Archer has a dead crawfish in his right lung. (Who knew AmPetCo was such a mistake?) Archer O.D.s on positivity and little pink ribbons. Seamus gets more than that for which Trinette bargained. While waiting in the hospital lobby for the surgery to end, Cheryl moans "This is so boring and forever taking!", but some of the gang are determined to see Archer through his cancer - even after Archer takes off with Woodhouse's little brother, Dicky. Their prepaid snort in Las Vegas turns out to suck and blow for both Dicky and Archer. (Figgis, you got some 'splainin' to do!!) On the eve of Archer's surgery, Lana puts 100% of herself into Team Cure Archer, who is shitfaced and spouting love. Four hours late for his surgery, Archer gets positive results. And then he does not get positive results. And then he does get positive results - and then he does not ...who could make sense of it all? Archer contemplates drug and chemo therapy, and he tries to stay positive. Cyril may be looking at doing time in Las Vegas and Malory is looking at doing Dr. Speltz. Archer is looking at doing some rampage planning. Things are looking good.
Episode 9
Placebo Effect
Thu, Mar 24, 201121 mins
Krieger suspects there is something wrong with Archer's chemo medicine and Archer learns he and his new friend, Ruth, are not getting real cancer medication. Instead, Ruth and Archer are getting sugar pills and Zima. Archer and Lana go on a rampage where Archer hosts a game of Family Feud between members of the Irish mob and Honduran janitors to learn the name of the man in charge: Franny Delaney. The real cancer medications cause horrible side effects for Archer, as he mourns the death of his pal, Ruth. Cyril goes on his own rampage, tormenting Krieger about being a Boy From Brazil, just because he made Portugeuse flash cards for Archer. It's a dog's life for Krieger...and as Archer loses his hair, toenails and his mind, he gains new respect for the healing medical properties of marijuana.
Episode 10
El Secuestro
Thu, Mar 31, 201120 mins
Pam and Cheryl are gabbing on their way to ISIS and they are, once again, late for work. A van approaches the pair and men proceed to kidnap one of them. Life is so damned unfair: Cheryl did not even take time off last week when her parents were killed in a car accident... this could make her really late! When the non-kidnapped drone reaches ISIS, she receives a very lukewarm welcome until railroads and Tunts arise. Then, it becomes all about kidnappers, voice modulation software ...and how much one's colleagues value a co-worker. Perhaps perennial cheapskate, Malory, is not the best person to ask. Lana is horrified; later, she is literally wet with jealousy and the fearless ISIS crew operates with its usual efficiency to save its team member. How much of a "piece" of Malory will an angry ex-kidnap victim demand? Can Malory afford to lose it? How many times will Brett get shot before the ISIS liability insurer cancels them for good?
Episode 11
Jeu Monegasque
Thu, Apr 7, 201121 mins
Archer, Malory, Lana, and Ray travel to Monaco during Gran Prix week to make an expensive trade for a secret disk. Archer is given to hold the $4 million in untraceable bearer bonds, but Lana and Ray aren't sure he can be trusted with them. Meanwhile, back at ISIS headquarters, Cyril finds out that Malory took all the money from everyone's 401Ks to pay for the trade. Everyone back at ISIS decides to find a way to get their money back, no matter how unethical.
Episode 12
White Nights
Thu, Apr 14, 201120 mins
A Finnish sky-diving enthusiast hits Ray in the eye and steals his mission (Dukes!) Ray will be unconscious for an hour...does he not know how BAD that is for him? Ray reports back to ISIS where the general discussion turns to a steamy, 40-year affair between Malory and Nikolai Jakov. Malory thought her affair was secret...then, she remembers Pam. But, Pam isn't fazed; apparently, there is this new thing the kids are doing called shuttin' the damned door. If Malory wants both whipped creme and privacy, she had better get "with it." The gang learns Archer is at the dreaded Lubyanka Prison; Nikolai threatens all sorts of pain if Archer does not pass his test. For $250,000 and other valuable consideration, Barry Dylan agrees to infiltrate the KGB. Barry might not be a lawyer but he understands "assumption of the risk," as all previous missions with Archer have cost him the figurative arm and leg. Archer and Barry "hang around" Russia with KGB in lukewarm pursuit. When one of them goes dumpster diving and the other is trapped in an elevator, the entire mission is looking lose-lose. KGB hottie, Katya Kazanova, wants to go to America. Can Katya use her assets to extract an asset and save his ass? Is Nikolai a 'baby daddy'? Is there anyone at ISIS (or KGB) who does NOT know about the infamous whipped creme incident?
Episode 13
Double Trouble
Thu, Apr 21, 201121 mins
After saving Archer back in Russia, Katya Kazanova goes back to the United States with Archer. However Malory and Lana are skeptical of Katya's defection to the West. The KGB labels Katya as a double agent, and all hell breaks loose in ISIS. Archer now has to fight for Katya's innocence as every ISIS agent comes after her.
