What's with all the fancy footwork this week? Everywhere we looked was a podiatrist's dream. Jason Witten's foot allowed the Giants to score (sort of), Macy Gray's feet failed to impress the judges on Dancing with the Stars, Kurt's feet channeled Beyonce in preparation for, um, joining the football team on Glee and poor Guy MacKendrick's foot is gone, and, in Mad Men's world, that means he'll never be able to work (or golf) ever again. While we sink our tired tootsies into a nice Epsom-salt bath, please enjoy this week's Top Moments: Foot Fetish Edition.
11. Best Foot Forward Award: Talk about being in the right place at the right time. After a pass from Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo bounced off Jason Witten's hand and then his left heel, New York Giants safety Kenny Phillips caught the ball and took it all the way to the promised land in one of the most insane interceptions ever. Alas, the touchdown didn't count, as officials initially whistled the ball dead, but the Giants got the ball and went on to win. The game drew 22.4 million viewers — the most-watched prime-time football game in 11 years.
10. Dearest Dad: Ty Burrell has a field day playing clueless dad Phil Dunphy on the premiere of ABC's very funny Modern Family. Not only does he know all the dances from High School Musical, but he can use the word "playa" in a sentence. So what if he thinks "WTF?" stands for "Why the face?"
9. Best Dancing to Her Own Beat: After a bafflingly charming Viennese waltz on Dancing with the Stars, Macy Gray continues to bring the crazy backstage when she tells us she's happy to have "busted her cherry." Her dancing cherry, people! Everyone busted out laughing and ABC tried to bust out their censor — but to no avail. Sadly, Gray and her flair for the language were eliminated.
8. Best Metaphor: In the midst of House's depressing two-hour premiere, there was a zen-like spot of joy when the cranky doc takes a fellow patient, who believes he's a superhero, to an amusement park so he can "fly" on a wind-machine ride. Granted, the same patient jumped off the roof of a parking garage shortly thereafter, but let's focus on the positive.
7. Best Deflection: When Barack Obama appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman, he jokingly shot down the notion that criticisms of him have been racially motivated. "I think it's important to realize that I was actually black before the election," he quipped, to which Letterman replied, "How long have you been a black man?"
6. Best In-Joke: CSI: Miami kicked off its eighth season with a flashback that reveals how the gang met lo those many years ago. But forget all that — we want to know how Horatio Caine first found those famous shades. It was the departing Delko we have to thank/blame for all this. And that's (endless dramatic pause) how it all came into focus. (Watch the story behind the story in the Online Video Guide.)
5. Most Charming Plea for Work: Teary-eyed, squeaky Kristin Chenoweth wins an Emmy for the dearly departed Pushing Daisies. In her acceptance speech, she reminds us that she is currently sans job. "I'm unemployed now, so I'd like to be on Mad Men," she says. "I also like The Office and 24." We'd love to see her on those shows too, but you must wonder why Glee — on which she guest-stars this season — hasn't snatched the big-voiced, pint-sized star up for good yet.
4. Worst Reason for a Reunion: Mackenzie Phillips' sit-down with Oprah Winfrey is uncomfortable for a lot of reasons. It's not just the details of her incestuous relationship with her late father, John Phillips, that turn our stomach. It's also the less-than-subtle plugs for her tell-all book and her awkward reunion with Valerie Bertinelli, Phillips' One Day at a Time co-star. "Hey, remember that time that Schneider had a wrench? BTW, my father raped me! It's so nice to catch up!"
3. Make It Stop! Award: Just when we thought the "Single Ladies" choreography gag was finally played out, Glee centers an entire episode on it! Kurt tries out for the football team, but in order to hit those field goals, he has to "warm up" by strutting like Beyonce first. If the image of the entire team "putting a ring on it" wasn't so damn funny, we'd probably just be offended — or just watch this for the 900th time instead. (When will it all end?)
2. Best Funeral: At George O'Malley's funeral in the season premiere of Grey's Anatomy, we're reminded that Izzie has a unique way of coping with stress: She gets the "church giggles." At George's final send-off, her tittering is contagious, as the pals stand in for the audience and tick off a list of all the ridiculous things they've been up to over the past few weeks. "O'Malley got hit by a bus," Alex says incredulously.
1. Worst Foot Forward Award: The British invaders of Mad Men's Sterling Cooper are bloody amazing — literally in one case. After Guy MacKendrick outlines his plan to reorganize the agency, his shining promise is mowed down (again, literally) by a tipsy Lois, who runs over his foot with a John Deere riding mower, spraying shocked onlookers with a pink mist of blood and cashmere. It's horrifying, it's hilarious, and we can't look away!