The Bachelor: The Women Tell All this season was all about Krystal. Krystal, with the irritating breathy voice, constant rude behavior and generally tenuous grip on reality. Krystal, who might be giving fans brain damage. Krystal had a chance to show a better side of herself Sunday. She didn't take it.
People started going at Krystal almost immediately, with Bekah defending herself against charges of immaturity by comparing herself to Krystal, who's seven years older and substantially worse with people. Then they started rehashing the time Krystal interrupted Bibiana's time with Arie after Krystal already had a rose. It got shrieky.
Krystal got in the hot seat, and they rolled a montage of her greatest hits. They showed some previously unseen footage of her post-bowling meltdown in which the women were shocked about a name she called Arie. It was bleeped, but ABC executive Robert Mills says it was "needle dick." Like from The Waterboy.
The other women called her out for saying mean things in interviews and being inauthentic.
"Just be the real Krystal," said Bekah, calling her out for acting like a peace-loving hippie when really she's mean.
"You are so mean," screamed Caroline, who got really heated and called her a "sociopath." Caroline was doing that thing where someone who didn't get much attention during the season goes over the top in the reunion special in a play for some camera time. It devolved into incomprehensible shouting until Chris Harrison called a commercial break.
On the return, Caroline said she had a "moment of weakness" when she mocked Krystal, but that Krystal had several moments of weakness. It was pretty funny! Caroline earned her time.
Jacqueline, who is very smart, said that it's hard to tell when Krystal is being sincere until she gets mad. Krystal got defensive about people getting mad at her about getting mad on that bowling date, creating a perfect loop of defensiveness. She said she was so focused on her relationship with Arie that she didn't take other peoples' feelings into consideration. She admitted that there were things she said and did that didn't look good, and that she wasn't actually emotionally prepared to go on The Bachelor. She thought she'd be able to handle it, but she wasn't.
She was asked to apologize for being condescending and calling people desperate. She wouldn't do it. "It sounds like you're doubling down," said a bemused Harrison. "It sounds like you're saying you weren't condescending, and they were desperate."
And then Olivia, who left the first night, called Krystal out for talking normally now instead of the sexy baby voice she used on the show. It was the question on everyone's mind. Krystal said she lost her voice going into the show.
"You were on the show for six weeks," said Harrison.
"I lost my voice, and when I speak slower and more controlled, when my vocals are stressed, I can control my voice better," she said. I think I speak for all of America when I say: UGH, KRYSTAL, PLEASE. That whoosh you heard was the sound of my eyes rolling.
Harrison asked her to do the voice. First she said she couldn't, then she went "hiiiiyeeee!" Boo!
She did say that her homeless brother watched the show and hearing what she said about him let him know that someone cared, which he didn't realize. He's since gotten back in touch with his family and is transitioning back into housing.
"It was all worth it," she said, "because my family is closer together." That's really nice.
But that doesn't mean we suddenly like Krystal.
When Arie Luyendyk Jr. came out for his turn in the hot seat, Krystal joined him on the couch and said she felt like their breakup was cold. And she was right. It got even colder.
"Looking back now, I think it was pretty appropriate," he said, to cheers from the studio audience. "It just sucks to see how you actually were versus how you were with me." More cheers. "I just feel like there was a whole other side to you that I didn't see until I watched it back," he said. "And so seeing the comments you made were not only hurtful to me, they were hurtful to them. And so it doesn't make me happy. Maybe I dragged it on way longer than I should have." His body language throughout the whole thing was so dismissive. He said he gave her the benefit of the doubt for a long time, and he was proven wrong.
And he didn't even know about the "needle dick" comment, said Harrison. It was a pretty savage bodying. And hopefully this is the last we see of Krystal.
The Bachelor airs Mondays at 8/7c on ABC.